New boundary/plan and scary
New boundary/plan and scary
Met with therapist. Planning to leave tomorrow for the weekend with son to stay with family. Leaving a letter giving 2 options... Either he voluntarily leaves the house for a period and begins recovery work or I leave and sign a lease on an apartment. Either way, we'll be living apart for a period. It all goes down Sunday. Sooooo scared but know that this has to be done. He's less drunk today (lol the absurdity of that statement) and more like his old self. Makes it harder. Also talked about being open with the family. No secrets and no shame. It's a disease 😕
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
You are taking some courageous steps, HH! I grew up with two alcoholic parents and still struggle with the aftermath, so I am always so inspired by parents who find the courage to create an alcohol-free home for their children.
You can do this! The last year and a half I really focused on spending more time with family and friends without XABF. It didn't take long to see that I was more carefree without him with me, I was more myself, and I started to dread coming home. If you feel like that, grab ahold of it - it is you telling you what is best for your life!
Well I gave him my letter and left yesterday. Just told him to read it when I left. He was of course sorry and apologetic. Haven't really heard from him since. And I'm a little surprised. Thought he would me mad, stubborn or really sad and pleading. And not one. Cotton. Picking. Thing. Which I guess is good. But don't think he's going to willingly leave the house. Just a gut feeling. Sigh. 😒
HHTexas.....generally when an active alcoholic gets dramatic news of any kind (good or bad).....they "process" it by having a good binge....
My guess is that you are probably right...
At least, now you know what YOU are going to do. That is the difference that counts!
dandylion
My guess is that you are probably right...
At least, now you know what YOU are going to do. That is the difference that counts!
dandylion
Thank you all so much. This is new uncharted territory for his gal. Returned home tonight and asked what he had decided and he said he's still thinking about it. Very quiet and laying in guest bedroom. I said he had 24 hours and left the room. But I'm really thinking that no answer is an answer. Yes? Already alerted the family to expect us back tomorrow night with my work equipment in tow. When I (if? Eek) put that deposit down on a new place, will feel like jumping off a cliff. Praying that God catches me.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 18
I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and stick to your plan.
I had to do the same thing with my husband because it was affecting our young daughter. I asked him to move out and get himself together. He did move out however he never really got himself together. With great sadness, he passed away in April, 2015 at the age of 42.
I had to do the same thing with my husband because it was affecting our young daughter. I asked him to move out and get himself together. He did move out however he never really got himself together. With great sadness, he passed away in April, 2015 at the age of 42.
So he's checking into detox tonight.. And knows he can't come home in 2 days. But he totally threw me a curve ball and said it was up to me if we stayed together. That he would go for a few months or could go permanently. I replied no that it was his choice, whether he was willing to work AA and recovery hard. That and unwavering commitment to sobriety. Then he said that why was I always trying to change him. That I should have known who he was when we got married. And I said you're right, I was naïve.
And now my chipper, I've got this balloon is completely popped. TG he's going somewhere else tonight. I feel baffled and sad 😕. I just wanted a normal, mundane life...
And now my chipper, I've got this balloon is completely popped. TG he's going somewhere else tonight. I feel baffled and sad 😕. I just wanted a normal, mundane life...
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
HH, please take this time, while he is away to take care of yourself. It is just important for you to do so as it is him in his "rehab/detox". Do something just for yourself everyday. It doesn't have to be much, but just some time alone and quiet. Think about what YOU want and need. Be especially kind to yourself.
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