New boundary/plan and scary
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
HH, this must be so tough. I know you want so badly for him to change. I can't remember if he's done detox before, but I do recall from your past posts that he has been putting you through all kinds of sh*t for years, some of which may or may not be related to the boozing. The cheating, for example, could well continue even if he finds lasting sobriety. So often here, it seems that A spouses use detox as a sort of "get out of jail free" card when they see that their husband or wife has finally come to the end of their rope. Just please keep in mind that recovery is a LONG process. It might be worth considering whether you will need to see lasting sobriety from him and a real change in behavior before you allow him back home. A lot of people on here suggest a year or more. Just food for thought. I do hope you'll use this time to nurture yourself. You've come to a very healthy decision that you've had enough and it's time to focus on you, and whether he gets sober or not, I still think that was a great decision! What he said was true in a way--it IS up to you whether you want to continue with this relationship!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 254
So AH went to detox. And feels remorseful, the whole enchilada. Willing to do whatever-AA daily + intensive counseling. It all sounds so pretty but BOY am I eyes wide open. Wary. Battle worn lol. I kept my consult with divorce attorney today and so stinking proud of myself!! I really liked her. And feel so much less scared of the whole process. Tomorrow is therapist. Anxious for his insight. Cautious cautious cautious but 0.5% hopeful. If it all goes to hell in a hand basket, I've got my attorney lined up and my apartment picked out. Peace in that knowledge. Thank you for letting me think out loud 👍🏻
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
Originally Posted by HHTexas 
But he totally threw me a curve ball and said it was up to me if we stayed together. That he would go for a few months or could go permanently. I replied no that it was his choice, whether he was willing to work AA and recovery hard. That and unwavering commitment to sobriety. Then he said that why was I always trying to change him. That I should have known who he was when we got married. And I said you're right, I was naïve.
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And like Wisconsin said, take it 5-10 minutes at a time if you have to. Eventually the moments of peace will outweigh the moments of panic and you will find that mundane life you are looking for.
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