Something new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Something new
It's been since May that I've been in contact with my ex A. Looking back, its quite interesting to see how unmanageable my life truly was. Growing up in an alcoholic family, I was used to being manipulative, getting my way, controlling situations and fixing them on impulse, etc etc. So whenever it came to dating an alcoholic and I could not fix/change/heal/help/cure him, I went haywire. I took extreme measures to try to help and fix him. And it just wasn't happening fast enough for me. When he cheated on me, after numerous times, I then realized that enough pain was ENOUGH.
It's so hard spending all this time pointing fingers and looking at every alcoholic as the problem when it was ME MYSELF that had a problem. I caused the chaos. He was simply drinking- it was his right to drink.
I attended alanon for about 3 months before I decided in my head that I didn't "need it anymore" because "I was truly doing fine now that I wasn't with him." And then it hit me. I started dating again- and boy oh boy are those character defects STILL THERE. This new guy has a child, whos mom is an alcoholic. Automatically I could feel myself wanting to jump in and save/help/heel their situation to be a good "motherly figure" to this child. There it is! Wanting to put my hands in other people's business that is not mine. Jeesh- talk about a painful dose of self awareness.
3 dates in I've realized that he too drinks (who knows if he's an alcoholic-that's not my say.) But he drinks and smokes marijuana. I felt myself starting to curl up with my thoughts. It was all coming back.....
Why do I get mad when people drink and smoke? It is their decision and right to do so. I can't change them. So I really need to work on my attitude towards drinkers/smokers and just let them LIVE their lives without me intervening or becoming angry. Its unnecessary negative energy.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you who have been there for me over the past few months with all of this madness- each one of you has provided me with unique suggestions/input that have truly made a difference in my life, and a positive step into recovery.
HUGS* It's almost Friday!
It's so hard spending all this time pointing fingers and looking at every alcoholic as the problem when it was ME MYSELF that had a problem. I caused the chaos. He was simply drinking- it was his right to drink.
I attended alanon for about 3 months before I decided in my head that I didn't "need it anymore" because "I was truly doing fine now that I wasn't with him." And then it hit me. I started dating again- and boy oh boy are those character defects STILL THERE. This new guy has a child, whos mom is an alcoholic. Automatically I could feel myself wanting to jump in and save/help/heel their situation to be a good "motherly figure" to this child. There it is! Wanting to put my hands in other people's business that is not mine. Jeesh- talk about a painful dose of self awareness.
3 dates in I've realized that he too drinks (who knows if he's an alcoholic-that's not my say.) But he drinks and smokes marijuana. I felt myself starting to curl up with my thoughts. It was all coming back.....
Why do I get mad when people drink and smoke? It is their decision and right to do so. I can't change them. So I really need to work on my attitude towards drinkers/smokers and just let them LIVE their lives without me intervening or becoming angry. Its unnecessary negative energy.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you who have been there for me over the past few months with all of this madness- each one of you has provided me with unique suggestions/input that have truly made a difference in my life, and a positive step into recovery.
HUGS* It's almost Friday!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi RD, sounds like you've developed a lot of insight. I also fancy myself as a 'rescuer' but over the years I've managed to control that part of my personality. I still haven't been able to stop the moral judgement but I'm working on it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Most people on here have these resuming tendencies. LOL
As for drinkers and smokers, not every drinker is an A. Smoking is smoking, everyone knows its bad. Your choice, of course, is not to be around it that is where you power lies - not in trying to stop it or to get mad about it. If drinking is something you don't care to be around at all that is fine. Smoking too.
As for drinkers and smokers, not every drinker is an A. Smoking is smoking, everyone knows its bad. Your choice, of course, is not to be around it that is where you power lies - not in trying to stop it or to get mad about it. If drinking is something you don't care to be around at all that is fine. Smoking too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
YAY - great update - HUGE strides in recovery! I have the same issue with moral judgement - I just keep trying to remind myself that I don't want people judging me. HAHA - It's a fine line between "I don't want that in my life" and "EWWWW, I don't want that in my life and you need to stop it." 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
