Liveitwell

So most of y'all know my ex started calling our girls about 3-4 weeks ago-after not calling, or anything else, in 9 months. Conservatively at least 5-10 nights have been missed (shocker) and other nights I see missed calls at 7:15-7:30...His stated time he'd call is 7pm. Now as a single mom to two young kids I can assure you every minute of my day is allocated to something. I can also assure you that I have my phone with me at 7pm every night (except Saturday night when we had friends over and I missed the call). If he can't call at 7, it's not my job to change my schedule to accommodate him. After a couple of minutes of waiting for the phone to ring I go on with my night-reading, baths, clothes away, you know-keeping them on a routine. Is this pretty typical BS in alkie land?!?!

This guy is nuts. Literally.

Thanks, friends.

LexieCat

I don't know if it's typical "alike BS"--I'm chronically late for everything. I'm sure there's some kind of passive-aggressive element to it, but I don't think it's exclusive to, or typical of, active alcoholics.

Heck, I'm semi-impressed he's within half an hour or so. Not that he deserves a medal or anything. Have you told him you need for him to be prompt or the kids can't take the call? I don't think your position is unreasonable, but I don't know that even a non-alcoholic would necessarily realize it might be a problem.

Liveitwell

No, I haven't. Because everything falls on deaf ears...he makes grand declarations and falls flat on his face (him-I'm going to call my kids every night! Translation-I'm going to call when it's convenient for me and not give you any heads up when I don't call bc I don't believe in following through-even for my kids). There is no point in talking to him at all. Period.

CodeJob

You are right. 100%, Forourgirls.

But widen out your lens for a moment. would he be willing to record himself reading a few of their books? Then when they miss him or he misses a call or if something happens to him, you've got his voice for them? Secondly, you could put it on some nights, and fold the laundry or do something quickly on your own... Inadvertently, he'd have you covered now and then.

LexieCat

You're undoubtedly right--I'm thinking more in terms of "protecting the record," so to speak, to show the court that you aren't simply preventing him from talking to the girls. Maybe just a very neutral-sounding email to the effect that the girls will be available to take a call between 7 and 7:15 (or whatever works for you--I think at least a brief window is required for it to appear reasonable), but that if he calls outside that time they will be otherwise occupied and probably won't be able to take the call. That's it, no harangue or lecture. That, coupled with your call history, should be sufficient to show who's responsible if he's not talking to them.

I know it sounds like a waste of energy, but this is to protect YOU.

Liveitwell

CodeJob-he has never sat and read books to either of them. He was always outside drinking! Always!

CodeJob

Yep. So was mine.