pregnant37

Im married to a "functioning" alcoholic for almost 7 years and his drinking has gotten progressively worse as all addictions do. I wanted to ask about some health issues lately.. A few years ago I had him get a physical done which showed liver damage along with high blood pressure and cholesterol. Im sure his liver has gotten worse considering his drinking has increased. I've been noticing his skin looks rather yellow lately and he has a distended belly but barely eats. Just this evening he said his heart was racing and he felt faint after drinking half of a gallon of whisky. He has constant stomach pain and cramping along with diarrhea daily. Is it too soon for him to acquire cirrhosis? I'm worried and I'm 5 months pregnant. He won't go to the dr out of fear. Does it sound like he has liver disease? I know you can't give medical advice I guess im just looking for stories of others that are similar..

amy55

We really can't give medical advice except to say that perhaps he should see a Doctor.

How are your doing, and how are you holding up.??????

This is what we really care about. You are 5 months pregnant, and I am really awaiting the news about if it's a boy or girl.

Will be here with you through this.

Take care of yourself.

(((((((hugs)))))))
amy

LucyGoosey

I can relate to your description of your AH's health problems. Sounds just like what I see. My ex doesn't share any medical info with me and refuses to see a doctor. I do notice that his color improves and his belly is not so distended when he stops drinking.

I really have no advice for how to help your husband. Well except to say he has to seek out his own recovery. Please take care of yourself and your baby.

happybeingme

I had a cousin like that. He lived for at least 15 years with it before mouth and throat cancer took him. It's amazing how much abuse the liver can take and keep functioning

LexieCat

My second husband had liver failure and the exact same symptoms you are describing. Different people are vulnerable to liver damage/cirrhosis at different points. Some people drink themselves to death without ever developing cirrhosis, others get it very early on.

Sorry you're having to deal with this--would a diagnosis wake him up? After my husband almost died, he was found to have EARLY cirrhosis and would be fine if he quit drinking, and he went right back to it. As far as I know he's still drinking himself to death--but the near-death experience was almost 20 years ago.

pregnant37

Thanks so much. I meant to post this under substance abuse cause I figured people who are actually battling alcoholism might give me some insight but I'm still learning my way around this forum so I apologize!

I'm having a little girl !!! and I really wish that I could be experiencing total happiness during this time but I'm full of nerves and anxiety. I just keep worrying that I'm going to be a single mom and that's not the worst thing in the world but I don't know... I guess I never thought that I would end up like this but none of us ever do right?

last night he drank half a gallon of whiskey and then started experiencing a rapid heartbeat and said that he felt like he was going to pass out and then this morning the sheets on his side of the bed were covered in like to thick yellow bile?

He drinks so fast! he literally chugs the alcohol until he's inebriated it's like he can't wait to get messed up. is it wrong that I started looking up life insurance policies today? I don't want him to die but I'm so worried. he has lost a ton of weight recently and he says it's because he's been doing work in the yard but I feel it's something worse than that because he barely eats as you guys now living with an alcoholic food is the last thing they usually want but he will eat dinner usually but during the day maybe he'll have something small like a pack of crackers. he owns his own business but that almost failed last year when he was barely at his business watching it and people were stealing and we were barely making any money until finally he got his head out of his " you know what" and actually was present at his business.

another thing I'm worried about is he's talking about how he believes in hard discipline with children because he grew up where his grandmother and mother would use switches to hit them because that's how it is in the south and I was brought up completely different... I was actually never hits and I don't believe in hitting I think that it just creates violence.. I mean he is a perfect example!

thank you for giving me a place to vent and talk with others that actually understand what I'm going through it really means so much to me and I don't feel so alone!

pregnant37

I apologize for my grammar and typing I'm using my phone and it doesn't comprehend what I'm saying too well!

jjj111

This sounds like a very serious situation to me. I think your fears are completely justified. A half gallon of whiskey is an enormous amount in one sitting! And this incident with the bile-yikes! And his ideas about "hard discipline" are scary--a belief that hitting children is good for them is not likely to combine well with tons of alcohol. Have you considered getting away from him before the baby comes?

MIRecovery

We all react differently. I remained pretty healthy until the very end before my health started to go after 20 years of drinking a fifth a day. Others die of liver failure or other complications in their 20's.

The only thing for sure is untreated alcoholism is fatal.

I am so sorry for your situation but you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it

LexieCat

Life insurance usually requires a medical exam. His liver enzymes are likely to be through the roof, and he might not be insurable.

I don't think I'd care to be bringing a baby into a household with all of this going on--and as someone pointed out, drunks have terrible judgment. If he believes in physical discipline, how hard would it be for him to lose his temper and misjudge how hard he hits? I don't think physical correction (very mild) for very young children is necessarily abusive, but there's a large risk here that he will overdo it and injure a child, even if that's not his intention.

pregnant37

Oh I agree it's not an environment I want for my baby at all! over my dead body will he abuse my child.. its just not going to happen. I will quickly have him arrested and with his criminal history which is about 5 pages long he will certainly go to jail, probably for a long time.

looking back on all the warning signs when I first started dating him, I can't believe I ignored them all. when we first met I was just getting out of a really awful relationship where I was cheated on and not giving any attention and then I met him and he was the exact opposite with the attention and so I ate it up because I was missing it for so long. I should have ran back then but it's too late for that and I just need to focus on the present and protecting my child, that is my number one concern.

I used to have a pretty decent Job and now im like ok how am I going to work with a baby on the way and then daycare costs and support us myself seems so hard in my mind. oh I forgot to mention that he's told me numerous times that if I ever leave him he will kill me so yeah that's another thing, I've been threatened by him before.

pregnant37

Yes ive been thinking of leaving especially if he hasn't quit closer to my due date. He got mad at me for expressing my fear of having this baby alone since he will be too drunk to be at the hospital. he tells me he has to drink because he has so much on his plate and I told him you don't have to do anything? and he got mad at me again and said he will go crazy if he doesn't drink. he also smokes marijuana which doesn't really bother me too much because he doesn't act any different when he smokes it but I told him, when I have this baby there's going to be no drugs or drinking around her! it's just not going to happen and he agrees with me but does nothing to stop it?

maia1234

P- You need to try and stay in the present day. Not next week, month or year. You can't worry about your spouse hitting this child, because who knows where he or you will be when he is 2, 5 or 15.

Try and stay in the day as worrying is not good for you or the baby. His condition is bad, and you can ask these type of questions on the A forum, but I don't think you really want to hear what they are going to say. It is very scary on what they are doing to their bodies, but nothing we can do about it. All we can do is take care of our selves, and make sure that you are mentally and physically ready for the baby.

You need to let God take care of him. (or his higher power). I know you want to help, but this one has to be done by him. He has to truly feel the pain before he is ready to accept what he has done. Ask the A forum if there spouse ever said anything to get them to get sober!! I bet you won't find one person who said that the wife nagging at them, made them see the light.

Keep praying for him and let him go. Hugs my friend!!!

happycampers

You definitely need to start formulating plans because this situation is not going to be good for you or your child ! It's up to YOU to get yourself and her out of there asap ! Do you have family that can help in anyway til you find a good job ? Having your daughter raised in this environment is cruelty and you can find a way out for both your sakes. Can you imagine what she would learn and have to live with for the rest of her life from that environment ? Be ready with your cellphone at all times in case your AH becomes violent and make sure you call the police if you need to. Really dangerous situation you're in and need to work your way out of ! Sending you a virtual hug !!!

LexieCat

OK, well the abuse of YOU changes the picture quite a bit. I work professionally in the field of domestic violence (and have for a very long time) and threats to kill you if you ever try to leave need to be taken VERY seriously.

Before you do anything else, please contact your local women's shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and speak with an advocate. It is completely confidential, but they can help with safety planning, and practical resources like housing, financial assistance, etc. No one will call the police without your permission, and no one will force you to obtain a protective order. I do highly recommend an order, however, as that would require HIM to leave, and if he violates the order in any way the police have immediate authority to arrest. But the advocate can help you to determine what's the safest course of action for you, in your circumstances.

If you think this isn't a big deal, try taking the MOSAIC threat assessment. It's a tool used by advocates and police all over the country (there are other tools, but this one is free and accessible to the public), and you might get a better picture of how much danger you are actually in. The tool is available here: https://www.mosaicmethod.com

pregnant37

Oh I know how scary it is to grow up in a chaotic neglectful home except both of my parents were equally unfit in different ways. that's all I think about now is how I don't want my child to grow up and feel scared and not feel safe in her own home. experience the things that I did growing up with a father addicted to cocaine , it was a very scary experience and that's the last thing I want for her. I guess when it was just me dealing with all these awful men that I've basically picked all my life it wasn't that big of a deal but when it comes to the life of my child, its a huge deal and I want to do everything I can to protect her. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I have and feel insecure and have low self esteem and think she doesn't deserve better. I don't even know what normal love or a relationship is I always pick abusive dangerous cheating men.

I took that test and I got a score of 8 out of 10 so basically the chances of the abuse escalating are extremely high and it really scares me.. he has never put his hands on me but he's broken a few doors and punched a few walls he's been emotionally and verbally abusive towards me.

pregnant37

I guess I should mention he is a convicted felon who isn't allowed around firearms except we have several in our home...

least

I hope you can get out of there soon. It sounds very stressful and dangerous. And it's no environment for raising a child.

53500

He can be arrested for this.

And this.

Pregnant37, how will you prevent it from happening? Odds are, no matter how much you *want* to prevent it you will not be able to unless you stop living with him.

Don't expect him to stop drinking and drugging when the baby comes. The stress of caring for an infant could make him worse, although he will get worse anyway. Please call the DV hotline and get an exit plan in place, and a job.

It's hard for sure to be a single mom but lots of people do it. At least you are capable of getting a good job. Being a single mom, with all its challenges, is a million times better than the dangerous situation you describe. The DV people will understand.

Please think about it.

happybeingme

A convicted felon with access to fire arms is a life threatening situation. Please get out now.

I read somewhere the leading cause of death of pregnant women in the U.S. is murder. Usually by their spouse or partner. Make no mistake your life is at risk