Divorce is always good news...
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Divorce is always good news...
"Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird but it's true, because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That's never happened - THAT would be sad." Louis C. K.
I'm getting ready to divorce my husband and wanted to share a little blog post that I found helpful with making this decision. All 10 of the items that she lists are all items that I was clueless about before and after I married my husband. I had no idea what a good partner looked like nor how to be a good partner myself. Even now, these are qualities that are not prevalent in our marriage, which, I think, is a pretty good indicator that it's time to walk away.
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
I'm getting ready to divorce my husband and wanted to share a little blog post that I found helpful with making this decision. All 10 of the items that she lists are all items that I was clueless about before and after I married my husband. I had no idea what a good partner looked like nor how to be a good partner myself. Even now, these are qualities that are not prevalent in our marriage, which, I think, is a pretty good indicator that it's time to walk away.
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
Irrevocably Broken
by Lindsay Heller
There surely comes a time in every marriage when we question if the grass is greener on the other side. When marriage is not easy and doesn’t look or feel like we thought it would. When the voids within ourselves become so dark and heavy that we can’t help but blame our spouse for not filling them, not meeting our needs, not coming to our rescue and pulling us out of the slump. So we question the decision to have made those vows, wondering if we should throw in the towel or trust that a dire situation could ever be redeemed.
Divorce was never part of my plan, yet I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have doubts before walking down the aisle. In the back of my mind, I questioned if I was making the right decision, yet I pressed on, not wanting to rock the boat. And how did I know what were real doubts versus standard cold feet? So I would move forward, resolved to make it work. Love would win. And as much as I would say that divorce would never be an option, in the deepest, darkest parts of my mind, it was.
Over time, the communication deteriorated and instead of turning inward toward each other for support, we turned outward and grew apart. We were expecting each other to fulfill all of our individual needs without considering any of each other’s, disconnecting to the point of seeking attention, validation, and emotional intimacy with people outside of our marriage and fantasizing about how much better it could surely be with someone else.
I was afraid of being vulnerable and unsure that my husband was a capable and willing partner to confide in and truly see me from inside out. Perhaps it was the walls I had built that didn’t allow him the chance to come in or to see me at all. We desperately could have used a stay married blog from which to gain some advice and perspective, but it was as if we didn’t know any better and just floundered in our downward spiral.
We started therapy and had elusive glimpses of improvement, but it seemed that only one of us would be putting in effort at any given time while the other was checked out and uninterested. We both were grappling with unrealistic expectations of trying to get the other to change, perpetuating a cycle of animosity and resentment between us until eventually we were standing in front of a judge together and answering, in unison, “yes” to his question: “Is this marriage irrevocably broken?” They really should make you stand in front of all the same people you did at the wedding to answer that.
Walking out of the courthouse, I could never anticipate what laid ahead. At first the freedom was amazing, like a weight had lifted. Single again after 10+ years. Optimistic. An endless sea of possibility. But then the blinders came off and reality and panic set in. Ebbs and flows of contrasting emotions. Loneliness, hope, insecurity, confidence, depression, excitement. And lurking there, always, the guilt. What have I done to my life? How is this impacting my child? Do I regret not trying harder? Can I still make the best of the path I now find myself on?
I realized quickly on the couch in my therapist’s office that recovery was going to last forever. That divorce, especially with a child involved, would never be wrapped up, tied with a bow and shelved. There would be residual effects of this decision every day. I struggled to find balance. I was pulled in a million directions, feeling discouraged, inadequate and ineffective, trying to juggle work and parenting responsibilities. Trying to peacefully co-parent. Entering into new relationships but responding to certain behaviors in ways triggered by my past relationship. Facing the unique and often frustrating challenges of dating with kids and blending families. Feeling weighted by the disappointment of my ex in-laws and my own parents and other family involved by default in our division. Navigating how I now fit into the landscape of friendships as I had previously known them, often feeling out of place in once familiar circles. Life was moving on all around me, yet I felt stuck in a weird in between space of my former and current lives.
There were times when it felt like my heart was seizing, the grief was so overwhelming. When I couldn’t fathom not having a partner to go through life with, to start each day with, to kiss goodnight. An empty house. Voids everywhere. No security. No safety net. The guilt of being 50% of a decision to end a union I knew we didn’t try hard enough to save.
Moving on looks different for everyone. I knew I didn’t want to jump back into another union that would likely resemble the first, repeating old patterns and perpetuating a negative cycle. I instead chose, and am still choosing, to do the work of self-discovery and exploration. Diving deep into introspection. Finding the self-awareness to recognize how I contributed to the downfall of my marriage. Thoughtfully examining myself and who I am. Clearly defining what I am looking for in a partner and what I want my life to look like. Choosing not to live with regret but to apply the lessons learned from past mistakes and to allow them to act as a catalyst for growth and change.
There are a handful of things I’ve learned that hopefully will be helpful for those navigating relationships whether married, dating, single, or single again:
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
1. Prioritize character.
Be with someone who respects you and others and lives with integrity. The novelty of substantial differences will wear off but shared core values are what lay the foundation that will see you through the hard times. It’s hard to be a safety net for someone you don’t respect.
2. What you see is what you get.
While the goal is to navigate personal growth together and to handle the not-so-lovely things about your partner with grace, who you marry is who you marry. Release any expectation of being able to change them and be sure your partner loves you for you, just as you are.
3. Invest in community.
Have a reliable network of friends and family in place that will honestly share their opinions with you during the dating stage, and will offer advice and support within a committed relationship. Vow to listen and trust them – don’t brush off sound advice. Being in love can cloud judgment and a separate set of eyes can help to see things from a different viewpoint.
4. Practice self-awareness.
Learn to see yourself from your partner’s perspective and also turn the tables to put yourself in their shoes. Take responsibility and be accountable for your actions. Admit when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
5. A relationship will not complete you.
Strive for personal wholeness and self-sufficiency on every level both before and after committing to another person. You’ll attract or inspire the same and avoid co-dependency. While focusing on partnership as a team is important, so is maintaining individuality and investing time for yourself within a relationship.
6. Have a plan.
Create a vision for your ideal life; career, relationships, parenting. Clearly define, in writing, your top five non-negotiables in a future spouse. Focus on the positive, but also create an understanding of things you absolutely won’t stand for. What does an ideal marriage look like to you? Have realistic expectations built around common goals. Right thoughts follow right actions – strive for progress over perfection.
7. Set boundaries.
Stick to them. Know your worth. Loneliness is powerfully persuasive and can lead to the allowance of bending the physical and emotional rules you’ve outlined for yourself. Honor your truth and trust your gut, which can be a trustworthy combination of head and heart. If something feels off, explore it, don’t ignore it. Have the guts to walk away from good to hold out for great.
8. Go team!
Be your partner’s number 1 fan and supporter, offering more encouragement than criticism. Build a foundation of friendship and shared interests, prioritizing quality time together to continue to deepen the connection in each other’s lives. What’s important to them should be important to you.
9. Invest in maintenance therapy.
Take preventative measures (both as a couple and individually) and tune up with a professional or other resources as you go instead of waiting until the ruts are deep and things are spiraling downward. The grass will be green where you water it. Sometimes a watering can won’t cut it and you need a sprinkler system, landscaping team, and lots of time spent getting your own hands dirty. I’d argue that working to rebuild a marriage beats potentially building a life alone.
10. Become a master communicator.
Be transparent, vulnerable, and clearly express your feelings and needs. Learn how to fight effectively and understand how to handle recurring arguments. Pick your battles. Forgive quickly. Offer grace.
I still don’t get all of these right, but am learning as I go, implementing best practices and honing them through trial and error, encouraging others along the way as much as possible. I move forward, creating positive momentum and mustering up resilience and perseverance, some days more successfully than others. I continue focusing on taking the next right steps, albeit sometimes small ones, recognizing that despite my first marriage being irrevocably broken, I certainly don’t have to be.
by Lindsay Heller
There surely comes a time in every marriage when we question if the grass is greener on the other side. When marriage is not easy and doesn’t look or feel like we thought it would. When the voids within ourselves become so dark and heavy that we can’t help but blame our spouse for not filling them, not meeting our needs, not coming to our rescue and pulling us out of the slump. So we question the decision to have made those vows, wondering if we should throw in the towel or trust that a dire situation could ever be redeemed.
Divorce was never part of my plan, yet I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have doubts before walking down the aisle. In the back of my mind, I questioned if I was making the right decision, yet I pressed on, not wanting to rock the boat. And how did I know what were real doubts versus standard cold feet? So I would move forward, resolved to make it work. Love would win. And as much as I would say that divorce would never be an option, in the deepest, darkest parts of my mind, it was.
Over time, the communication deteriorated and instead of turning inward toward each other for support, we turned outward and grew apart. We were expecting each other to fulfill all of our individual needs without considering any of each other’s, disconnecting to the point of seeking attention, validation, and emotional intimacy with people outside of our marriage and fantasizing about how much better it could surely be with someone else.
I was afraid of being vulnerable and unsure that my husband was a capable and willing partner to confide in and truly see me from inside out. Perhaps it was the walls I had built that didn’t allow him the chance to come in or to see me at all. We desperately could have used a stay married blog from which to gain some advice and perspective, but it was as if we didn’t know any better and just floundered in our downward spiral.
We started therapy and had elusive glimpses of improvement, but it seemed that only one of us would be putting in effort at any given time while the other was checked out and uninterested. We both were grappling with unrealistic expectations of trying to get the other to change, perpetuating a cycle of animosity and resentment between us until eventually we were standing in front of a judge together and answering, in unison, “yes” to his question: “Is this marriage irrevocably broken?” They really should make you stand in front of all the same people you did at the wedding to answer that.
Walking out of the courthouse, I could never anticipate what laid ahead. At first the freedom was amazing, like a weight had lifted. Single again after 10+ years. Optimistic. An endless sea of possibility. But then the blinders came off and reality and panic set in. Ebbs and flows of contrasting emotions. Loneliness, hope, insecurity, confidence, depression, excitement. And lurking there, always, the guilt. What have I done to my life? How is this impacting my child? Do I regret not trying harder? Can I still make the best of the path I now find myself on?
I realized quickly on the couch in my therapist’s office that recovery was going to last forever. That divorce, especially with a child involved, would never be wrapped up, tied with a bow and shelved. There would be residual effects of this decision every day. I struggled to find balance. I was pulled in a million directions, feeling discouraged, inadequate and ineffective, trying to juggle work and parenting responsibilities. Trying to peacefully co-parent. Entering into new relationships but responding to certain behaviors in ways triggered by my past relationship. Facing the unique and often frustrating challenges of dating with kids and blending families. Feeling weighted by the disappointment of my ex in-laws and my own parents and other family involved by default in our division. Navigating how I now fit into the landscape of friendships as I had previously known them, often feeling out of place in once familiar circles. Life was moving on all around me, yet I felt stuck in a weird in between space of my former and current lives.
There were times when it felt like my heart was seizing, the grief was so overwhelming. When I couldn’t fathom not having a partner to go through life with, to start each day with, to kiss goodnight. An empty house. Voids everywhere. No security. No safety net. The guilt of being 50% of a decision to end a union I knew we didn’t try hard enough to save.
Moving on looks different for everyone. I knew I didn’t want to jump back into another union that would likely resemble the first, repeating old patterns and perpetuating a negative cycle. I instead chose, and am still choosing, to do the work of self-discovery and exploration. Diving deep into introspection. Finding the self-awareness to recognize how I contributed to the downfall of my marriage. Thoughtfully examining myself and who I am. Clearly defining what I am looking for in a partner and what I want my life to look like. Choosing not to live with regret but to apply the lessons learned from past mistakes and to allow them to act as a catalyst for growth and change.
There are a handful of things I’ve learned that hopefully will be helpful for those navigating relationships whether married, dating, single, or single again:
10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
1. Prioritize character.
Be with someone who respects you and others and lives with integrity. The novelty of substantial differences will wear off but shared core values are what lay the foundation that will see you through the hard times. It’s hard to be a safety net for someone you don’t respect.
2. What you see is what you get.
While the goal is to navigate personal growth together and to handle the not-so-lovely things about your partner with grace, who you marry is who you marry. Release any expectation of being able to change them and be sure your partner loves you for you, just as you are.
3. Invest in community.
Have a reliable network of friends and family in place that will honestly share their opinions with you during the dating stage, and will offer advice and support within a committed relationship. Vow to listen and trust them – don’t brush off sound advice. Being in love can cloud judgment and a separate set of eyes can help to see things from a different viewpoint.
4. Practice self-awareness.
Learn to see yourself from your partner’s perspective and also turn the tables to put yourself in their shoes. Take responsibility and be accountable for your actions. Admit when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.
5. A relationship will not complete you.
Strive for personal wholeness and self-sufficiency on every level both before and after committing to another person. You’ll attract or inspire the same and avoid co-dependency. While focusing on partnership as a team is important, so is maintaining individuality and investing time for yourself within a relationship.
6. Have a plan.
Create a vision for your ideal life; career, relationships, parenting. Clearly define, in writing, your top five non-negotiables in a future spouse. Focus on the positive, but also create an understanding of things you absolutely won’t stand for. What does an ideal marriage look like to you? Have realistic expectations built around common goals. Right thoughts follow right actions – strive for progress over perfection.
7. Set boundaries.
Stick to them. Know your worth. Loneliness is powerfully persuasive and can lead to the allowance of bending the physical and emotional rules you’ve outlined for yourself. Honor your truth and trust your gut, which can be a trustworthy combination of head and heart. If something feels off, explore it, don’t ignore it. Have the guts to walk away from good to hold out for great.
8. Go team!
Be your partner’s number 1 fan and supporter, offering more encouragement than criticism. Build a foundation of friendship and shared interests, prioritizing quality time together to continue to deepen the connection in each other’s lives. What’s important to them should be important to you.
9. Invest in maintenance therapy.
Take preventative measures (both as a couple and individually) and tune up with a professional or other resources as you go instead of waiting until the ruts are deep and things are spiraling downward. The grass will be green where you water it. Sometimes a watering can won’t cut it and you need a sprinkler system, landscaping team, and lots of time spent getting your own hands dirty. I’d argue that working to rebuild a marriage beats potentially building a life alone.
10. Become a master communicator.
Be transparent, vulnerable, and clearly express your feelings and needs. Learn how to fight effectively and understand how to handle recurring arguments. Pick your battles. Forgive quickly. Offer grace.
I still don’t get all of these right, but am learning as I go, implementing best practices and honing them through trial and error, encouraging others along the way as much as possible. I move forward, creating positive momentum and mustering up resilience and perseverance, some days more successfully than others. I continue focusing on taking the next right steps, albeit sometimes small ones, recognizing that despite my first marriage being irrevocably broken, I certainly don’t have to be.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 112
Thank you for sharing! I too am finding myself single for the first time in many, many years. At first, I was so so scared, hurt, and lonely. Today, I am really loving finding me. I love my independence and self reliance. I love feeling like a survivor. I am so proud of the inner strength that I doubted existed. I have also really learned to trust in God with all my heart. I may not always understand His plan but I am always confident that He is with me.
I am sorry to read of your pending divorce. I have read many of your threads as I am a long time lurker. I had hoped and prayed that your circumstances had a different ending then mine. But I am here to say, I have no regrets and I am much happier then I have been in years!!
I am sorry to read of your pending divorce. I have read many of your threads as I am a long time lurker. I had hoped and prayed that your circumstances had a different ending then mine. But I am here to say, I have no regrets and I am much happier then I have been in years!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Thanks for posting that, Stung.
Sorry you're going through this now. Divorce is always so very hard even when you know it has to happen. I know it's trite to say but time heals. Things get better - much better - but it takes time.
Sorry you're going through this now. Divorce is always so very hard even when you know it has to happen. I know it's trite to say but time heals. Things get better - much better - but it takes time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 182
Originally Posted by 53500 
Things get better - much better - but it takes time.
Thinking about you and hoping you get through this to the calm, peaceful times that are waiting for you. (((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
"Walking out of the courthouse, I could never anticipate what laid ahead. At first the freedom was amazing, like a weight had lifted. Single again after 10+ years. Optimistic. An endless sea of possibility. But then the blinders came off and reality and panic set in. Ebbs and flows of contrasting emotions. Loneliness, hope, insecurity, confidence, depression, excitement. And lurking there, always, the guilt. What have I done to my life? Do I regret not trying harder? Can I still make the best of the path I now find myself on?
I realized quickly on the couch in my therapist’s office that recovery was going to last forever. That divorce, especially with a child involved, would never be wrapped up, tied with a bow and shelved. There would be residual effects of this decision every day. I struggled to find balance. I was pulled in a million directions, feeling discouraged, inadequate and ineffective, trying to juggle work and parenting responsibilities. Entering into new relationships but responding to certain behaviors in ways triggered by my past relationship. Life was moving on all around me, yet I felt stuck in a weird in between space of my former and current lives.
There were times when it felt like my heart was seizing, the grief was so overwhelming. When I couldn’t fathom not having a partner to go through life with, to start each day with, to kiss goodnight. An empty house. Voids everywhere. No security. No safety net. The guilt of being 50% of a decision to end a union I knew we didn’t try hard enough to save."
So much of this rings true to me--the wildly fluctuating emotions, the realization that being on your own IS freeing, but you do lose that safety net. However, the one thing I think is different for all of us here at SR is the line that I bolded--the one about not trying hard enough to save the marriage.
I still love my X, or at least my vision of the man I married way back when. I wish desperately I could do something to bring him back. But there is simply nothing I can do that will be enough. If he had actually gotten sober 6 years ago, when I first found out, or even 2 years ago when he got caught again, or even 5 months ago when we legally separated, I'd be working it like crazy. But he has made no effort beyond going to meetings. When he told me that he had never once, when he felt like drinking, reached out to any of his AA people, never once--he just drank--I knew he was nowhere near recovery. And how much more of my life and my income should I give him?
Nope, the "not trying hard enough" thing simply doesn't apply in an alcoholic/addict situation, not that I can see, at least. I hope you're not feeling any guilt about that part of it, Stung.
I realized quickly on the couch in my therapist’s office that recovery was going to last forever. That divorce, especially with a child involved, would never be wrapped up, tied with a bow and shelved. There would be residual effects of this decision every day. I struggled to find balance. I was pulled in a million directions, feeling discouraged, inadequate and ineffective, trying to juggle work and parenting responsibilities. Entering into new relationships but responding to certain behaviors in ways triggered by my past relationship. Life was moving on all around me, yet I felt stuck in a weird in between space of my former and current lives.
There were times when it felt like my heart was seizing, the grief was so overwhelming. When I couldn’t fathom not having a partner to go through life with, to start each day with, to kiss goodnight. An empty house. Voids everywhere. No security. No safety net. The guilt of being 50% of a decision to end a union I knew we didn’t try hard enough to save."
So much of this rings true to me--the wildly fluctuating emotions, the realization that being on your own IS freeing, but you do lose that safety net. However, the one thing I think is different for all of us here at SR is the line that I bolded--the one about not trying hard enough to save the marriage.
I still love my X, or at least my vision of the man I married way back when. I wish desperately I could do something to bring him back. But there is simply nothing I can do that will be enough. If he had actually gotten sober 6 years ago, when I first found out, or even 2 years ago when he got caught again, or even 5 months ago when we legally separated, I'd be working it like crazy. But he has made no effort beyond going to meetings. When he told me that he had never once, when he felt like drinking, reached out to any of his AA people, never once--he just drank--I knew he was nowhere near recovery. And how much more of my life and my income should I give him?
Nope, the "not trying hard enough" thing simply doesn't apply in an alcoholic/addict situation, not that I can see, at least. I hope you're not feeling any guilt about that part of it, Stung.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Posts: 3,178
Hello Stung!
You've worked hard on yourself and the relationship. That gave him time to arrest his addiction and work on his underlying issues. And if this is how you feel, then its time. Peace and prayers that you two can be amicable. Your kids are so small!
You've worked hard on yourself and the relationship. That gave him time to arrest his addiction and work on his underlying issues. And if this is how you feel, then its time. Peace and prayers that you two can be amicable. Your kids are so small!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Thanks, everyone!
I was hoping things would work out too. I can only contribute so much to a relationship though. Last week I was in a really vulnerable place and instead of offering support (something totally reasonable to expect from a spouse) my husband went on a two day bender and then hit me with the blame game. Basically he kicked me when I was really down. This wasn't the first time I've needed support or that our children have needed his support and he either doesn't show up or makes things way more challenging than they already were.
I don't feel guilty for wanting to divorce and moving forward with it. My therapist told me that this is my best way forward to get out of the briar patch/get off the roller coaster. She has assured me that I've done more than most to work on myself and our marriage. I've changed, he hasn't. Even without addiction that is enough to want to divorce. Normies divorce all the time and it's funny, in researching divorced families addiction is actually a pretty shame-proof reason for divorcing. I'm not saying we grew apart or it stopped being fun - he's an alcoholic and he won't adhere or practice any other coping mechanisms. He goes to therapy, has been to rehab, has had several sponsors, is working the steps. He KNOWS what he should do instead and he chooses booze over and over again despite knowing these things. Then he takes his yucky feelings out on me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't stay sober. And that doesn't even hit on the other stuff. Like the lying. The complete lack of integrity. The abandonment that he throws at me and our children anytime we need support. I already am a single parent in every possible way. The divorce is just making this arrangement official legally.
And while our children are young (2 and 3 years old), there is lots of hard research on how children from divorced families are far and away healthier and happier than children from active addict homes. I don't them to grow up thinking the marriage we have right now is the norm because it's not. I know from first hand experience that "do as I say, not as I do" is flat out denial. Children do as they see modeled for them. This is not what I want for them. This is not how a wife/woman should be treated by a husband/partner. It's not how I want to be treated. It's not how I want my daughters to be treated when they're grown someday.
I was hoping things would work out too. I can only contribute so much to a relationship though. Last week I was in a really vulnerable place and instead of offering support (something totally reasonable to expect from a spouse) my husband went on a two day bender and then hit me with the blame game. Basically he kicked me when I was really down. This wasn't the first time I've needed support or that our children have needed his support and he either doesn't show up or makes things way more challenging than they already were.
I don't feel guilty for wanting to divorce and moving forward with it. My therapist told me that this is my best way forward to get out of the briar patch/get off the roller coaster. She has assured me that I've done more than most to work on myself and our marriage. I've changed, he hasn't. Even without addiction that is enough to want to divorce. Normies divorce all the time and it's funny, in researching divorced families addiction is actually a pretty shame-proof reason for divorcing. I'm not saying we grew apart or it stopped being fun - he's an alcoholic and he won't adhere or practice any other coping mechanisms. He goes to therapy, has been to rehab, has had several sponsors, is working the steps. He KNOWS what he should do instead and he chooses booze over and over again despite knowing these things. Then he takes his yucky feelings out on me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't stay sober. And that doesn't even hit on the other stuff. Like the lying. The complete lack of integrity. The abandonment that he throws at me and our children anytime we need support. I already am a single parent in every possible way. The divorce is just making this arrangement official legally.
And while our children are young (2 and 3 years old), there is lots of hard research on how children from divorced families are far and away healthier and happier than children from active addict homes. I don't them to grow up thinking the marriage we have right now is the norm because it's not. I know from first hand experience that "do as I say, not as I do" is flat out denial. Children do as they see modeled for them. This is not what I want for them. This is not how a wife/woman should be treated by a husband/partner. It's not how I want to be treated. It's not how I want my daughters to be treated when they're grown someday.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Jeez Stung, I'm sorry it's come to this for you. You've some serious effort into yourself and your marriage. No one can say you didn't try hard enough!
I have a lot of respect for you for this. You're a great mother, and your girls are lucky to have you.
Hugs!
Originally Posted by Stung
And while our children are young (2 and 3 years old), there is lots of hard research on how children from divorced families are far and away healthier and happier than children from active addict homes. I don't them to grow up thinking the marriage we have right now is the norm because it's not. I know from first hand experience that "do as I say, not as I do" is flat out denial. Children do as they see modeled for them. This is not what I want for them. This is not how a wife/woman should be treated by a husband/partner. It's not how I want to be treated. It's not how I want my daughters to be treated when they're grown someday.
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Hey Lady have missed you around here. I am not sorry this is where you are headed because the statement is correct, no good marriage ever ended in divorce.
Keep us up to date - and yes I think you can provide, and are providing and excellent, stable home for your kids.
Keep us up to date - and yes I think you can provide, and are providing and excellent, stable home for your kids.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
My personal opinion is that there are three things that are a Get Out of Marriage Guilt-Free card: Abuse, Adultery, Addiction. I stayed until I felt that I had done all I could do to make it work and then some.
I'm sorry to hear it's come to this, but happy you are at peace with the decision.
I'm sorry to hear it's come to this, but happy you are at peace with the decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Oh, for pete's sake... this made me cry.
I'm so sorry Stung that you will be divorcing. With my own recent divorce behind me, I know that the path you will travel with be difficult but it will be YOUR path and you will never be alone. Sending you lots of love and support virtually this week.
I'm so sorry Stung that you will be divorcing. With my own recent divorce behind me, I know that the path you will travel with be difficult but it will be YOUR path and you will never be alone. Sending you lots of love and support virtually this week.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I know I'm doing the right thing but this is hard. I just wish that things would have turned out differently. I also know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now but I wanted so much more than this for my kids and for myself. Alcoholism is the worst.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by Stung
I know I'm doing the right thing but this is hard. I just wish that things would have turned out differently. I also know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now but I wanted so much more than this for my kids and for myself. Alcoholism is the worst.
No onward. Life holds many exciting things for you and you can get out of limbo land.
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