New here. Brother revealed addiction tonight

Old 07-26-2015, 09:50 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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New here. Brother revealed addiction tonight

sorry I already posted this elsewhere but I think this is the proper place. Forgive the double posting.

hi there.

Tonight my brother revealed that he has a heroin addiction that has been going on for the better part of a year. He has struggled with alcohol, steroids, and Xanax in the past, but this is definitely a very large step downwards. The really disturbing thing, beyond the obvious, is that our mother died of a heroin overdose in 1996.

His bouts with alcohol, etc. took a lot out of me, and I can't dive back in to this. Especially because this time around I have a 3 year old,a wife, and my own business to run. He told me and his fiancée that he needs help. We begged him to go to a detox tonight. He swears he will go tomorrow. Of course i don't believe him.

I'm not sure what I am looking for, but I know that I will need support to get through this. I also know that there is a good chance he will die from this. I have buried my mother, my grandfather, and my grandmother. I never knew my father. He is the only one left and I don't know that I can handle it.

Thanks for listening
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Old 07-26-2015, 11:30 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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I'm so sorry you're hurting and going through this. I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you've found this safe place.

Is there also an Alanon meeting nearby so you can get some in-person support?
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Old 07-27-2015, 12:13 AM
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I can see how upsetting this must be for you because you care about your brother's welfare, but please don't confuse concern with having to do anything. Yes you have commitments of your own, but beyond that, your brother is the only one who can get himself clean. I noticed that he dodged the chance to go to detox, and almost certainly won't go in the morning. He knows where it is, he knows how to access it, he will have to make the decision. He's asking for help, but he isn't willing to take the first step.

If you want to help, step back and treat him as an adult who can make his own decisions. Maybe you can tell him you love him, but you're not his saviour. Put the responsibility back onto him where it belongs.
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Old 07-27-2015, 04:57 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Porto Alegre
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Mersault22, I completely understand the overwhelming sense of obligation and the feeling of being sucked into a drama that isn't your own but out of which you don't see any escape.
What I can tell you is that if your brother has no children, I may be easier to set boundaries or rules or whatever limits you see fit so you don't lose yourself and your mind in the process of helping him.
Like you, I buried my grandparents, my alcholic father and recently my alcoholic sister. But like you I have a family: two sons, a loving partner, and things to look forward to in life.

Hugs to you, it's hard to watch someone we love struggling with that level of addiction. In my experience, the hardest thing was that I reached a point that I hurt so bad too I couldn't help at all.

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Old 07-27-2015, 05:41 AM
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I'm so sorry about your situation. I only have one piece of advice, it's the one thing that worked for me: focus on your wife and child and continue to build your family. I found a lot of healing in raising my kids! They are now in college and high school, and all doing very well.
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