AD and letting go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 33
AD and letting go
I feel so idk. I'm always thinking she is drinking. My daughter and her almost 2 yr old live with us. I don't let her hardly drive anymore, especially when liquor stores are open. She doesn't have a car of her own. I just get the feeling today she is drinking not sure why I feel like that since she hasn't been anywhere to get anything. I'm just so tired of her drinking. She says she wants to be sober but idk. I'm feeling so frustrated. Sorry just needed to get this out
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hey,
If you suspect she's drinking, she probably is. I think it's wise of you to not let her use your car -- some people are very good at covering up that they're under the influence and may still be horribly dangerous drivers.
I'm glad the 2-year-old has you as a stable point in his/her life.
If you suspect she's drinking, she probably is. I think it's wise of you to not let her use your car -- some people are very good at covering up that they're under the influence and may still be horribly dangerous drivers.
I'm glad the 2-year-old has you as a stable point in his/her life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Worried......as a mother in your situation...with a drinking daughter and grandchild under your roof....unless your head is cut off, you probably could never stop worrying about it...lol.
You badly need help (as does she). You need to be in control of your own home. Do not let her drive your car if she is drinking. If she gets stopped with her child in the car....child protective services will probably try to take her child away....and of course she could be in or cause an accident--and you would also pay a high cost.
The best first thing for you to do, I believe, is to find an alanon meeting and start going----this will give you a light at the end of the tunnel for starters.
In addition to being worried...I imagine you feel helpless .
It is time to start turning that around.....
I suggest that you go to the stickies at the top of the page---above the threads. Click on the one called: "Classic Readings" and start reading. There is a crash course in alcoholism, there.
First step, though, is to check out where and when the alanon meetings are.....
dandylion
(God bless grandmothers!!!!!!!!!)
You badly need help (as does she). You need to be in control of your own home. Do not let her drive your car if she is drinking. If she gets stopped with her child in the car....child protective services will probably try to take her child away....and of course she could be in or cause an accident--and you would also pay a high cost.
The best first thing for you to do, I believe, is to find an alanon meeting and start going----this will give you a light at the end of the tunnel for starters.
In addition to being worried...I imagine you feel helpless .
It is time to start turning that around.....
I suggest that you go to the stickies at the top of the page---above the threads. Click on the one called: "Classic Readings" and start reading. There is a crash course in alcoholism, there.
First step, though, is to check out where and when the alanon meetings are.....
dandylion
(God bless grandmothers!!!!!!!!!)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 33
???
Dandylion what is some of the things you think I should read. Just had a horrible night with AD. On my husband and I's anniversary, we discovered she has been drinking mouthwash. I now remember back when she first went to her first rehab almost 4 years ago, that she had to have mouthwash without alcohol. I forgot all about it. She kept telling me she needed to go to the dollar store to get "gatorade" because she felt sick. Her brother was willing to ride with her, supposedly so she wouldn't go to liquor store. I never thought about anything else or anything being at the "dollar" store for her to get. I'm so ready to give up..I cried and cried last night. I feel so loss. I know people say to go to Al-anon. It's hard to find time and the energy. Feel like I'm raising a toddler again. She even blamed me last night that I was a lousy parent (her dad sexually abused her) and because I didn't trust her anymore. Sorry for the rant.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
It helps to think of the time and energy spent in Al-Anon or other face-to-face support as an investment in yourself and your emotional well-being. Making an effort now, even though it is hard, can pay off in spades. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, worried. (((hugs)))
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Worried.....you might start with reading these: "When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart.....by Joel Young and Christine Adamec.
You might also find "Dealing With an Alcoholic" by JC Anonymous to be helpful.
Worried, your daughter is struggling with her disease, for sure....but, it sounds like you are also suffering as a result of her manipulation of you.
There is a lot that you are gong to have to learn (knowledge is power) a lot....and, most important....you need a lot of support.
This journey is simply too hard for you to try to walk alone.
Be willing to reach out for support and help.....
Trust me....I have been down this road and I know how difficult it can be.
Also, do you know where the "Stickies" are? At the top of the page--just above the threads.....
They have pictures of l ittle locks on the far left hand side.
Go to the second one called: "Classic Readings"....and especially read the ones about boundaries and enabling and detaching.
I am hoping that some others will come along and give you the names of some alanon approved readings, also.
For starters...I will say this to you---try not to be drawn into arguments with your daughter about where she feels that you have "failed" her. That will result in just the kind of night you had last night. In other words--detach from those kinds of interactions with her.
It is classic behavior for the alcoholic to focus blame on to you to take the focus off of her and her drinking. They will go for the gut and say all kinds of things to hurt y ou.....it is called blame-shifting....
If she was sexually abused--she needs specialized counseling..... She also needs to be in an intensive alcohol program---AA---and, she should be persuing it intensively....daily meetings and a sponsor, in addition to individual counseling.
That is her responsibility--not yours...but, I mention it just so you know that.
I could go on all day....lol!
I h ope you will give alanon a try for you and your husband.
You might get a start on all of this by scheduling two or three sessions with an alcoholism counselor for you and your husband to discuss the situation, in general.
You are not alone...there are lots of parents in your situation.
How old is your daughter...I don't remember.
dandylion
You might also find "Dealing With an Alcoholic" by JC Anonymous to be helpful.
Worried, your daughter is struggling with her disease, for sure....but, it sounds like you are also suffering as a result of her manipulation of you.
There is a lot that you are gong to have to learn (knowledge is power) a lot....and, most important....you need a lot of support.
This journey is simply too hard for you to try to walk alone.
Be willing to reach out for support and help.....
Trust me....I have been down this road and I know how difficult it can be.
Also, do you know where the "Stickies" are? At the top of the page--just above the threads.....
They have pictures of l ittle locks on the far left hand side.
Go to the second one called: "Classic Readings"....and especially read the ones about boundaries and enabling and detaching.
I am hoping that some others will come along and give you the names of some alanon approved readings, also.
For starters...I will say this to you---try not to be drawn into arguments with your daughter about where she feels that you have "failed" her. That will result in just the kind of night you had last night. In other words--detach from those kinds of interactions with her.
It is classic behavior for the alcoholic to focus blame on to you to take the focus off of her and her drinking. They will go for the gut and say all kinds of things to hurt y ou.....it is called blame-shifting....
If she was sexually abused--she needs specialized counseling..... She also needs to be in an intensive alcohol program---AA---and, she should be persuing it intensively....daily meetings and a sponsor, in addition to individual counseling.
That is her responsibility--not yours...but, I mention it just so you know that.
I could go on all day....lol!
I h ope you will give alanon a try for you and your husband.
You might get a start on all of this by scheduling two or three sessions with an alcoholism counselor for you and your husband to discuss the situation, in general.
You are not alone...there are lots of parents in your situation.
How old is your daughter...I don't remember.
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 33
She is 27 will be 28 in September. Emotionally though I think she is younger not sure. I know where to find the stickies. There were so many to read I wasn't sure where to start. Thanks for all your replies and I appreciate any prayers. One day at a time
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Worried......I can appreciate that the list might look overwhelming....lol!
One that you might find helpful is "10 ways to know when your addict or alcoholic is full of crap". (I think it is near the bottom of the list).
The books that I mentioned can be gotten very inexpensively, used, on Amazon.com
Please hang in. Also, you can feel free to PM (private message) me at any time.
dandylion
One that you might find helpful is "10 ways to know when your addict or alcoholic is full of crap". (I think it is near the bottom of the list).
The books that I mentioned can be gotten very inexpensively, used, on Amazon.com
Please hang in. Also, you can feel free to PM (private message) me at any time.
dandylion
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