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To throw it out or not?

Old 07-06-2015, 08:32 AM
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To throw it out or not?

AH has been in recovery for six months, and is doing well with his program. Attending meetings, staying sober. We separated for the first several months of his sobriety (I basically asked him to leave and decide what his next steps in life were going to be, because I was not going to be able to live with his alcoholism anymore). He's been home for a little while now and things are peaceful and good. We see a therapist together. My question is a silly one, but I am trying to be supportive and not disruptive to his process. We have a LOT of alcohol still in the house. My thought has always been "he's going to get it somewhere, so it really makes no difference if it's here or not". That being said, I'd really like to just dump it out because I would like to have more space in my pantry for storage. Is this a bad idea? Am I overthinking it? I don't think he will be upset, mind you. I more don't want him to think I don't trust him.
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:35 AM
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Maybe you should just tell him what you just said to us, and ask him if he will be offended if you just throw it out. That way he is part of the decision making, which will be your doing it together.

Just my .02

Glad he sounds to be embracing his recovery!
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:44 AM
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What hopeful said. Maybe he's been leaving it there because he thinks YOU would be upset if he threw it out.

If he's fine with serving alcohol in his house (some are OK with it, some aren't), there still isn't any reason to keep a big supply in the house. And I know for me, it was VERY helpful to get it out of there--I threw out all my booze the day before I got sober.
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Old 07-06-2015, 08:59 AM
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I plan to talk to him about it for sure. I just don't want him to feel like I am doing this because I don't trust him. I plan to tell him just that. It helps to hear perspective. Thank you!
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:27 AM
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Here's how I'd approach it: "Hon, we have all these bottles in here. I don't want them, and apparently you no longer have any use for them, either. I'd like to have this space back. Is there any reason I can't get rid of them?"

See what he says. If he claims you might have a party or guests that want to drink, then just tell him you have no problem with picking up stuff for guests in that event, but you don't see the point of keeping it around. It's been six months. If he's not shown any signs of continuing to drink he shouldn't have a problem getting rid of it.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:36 AM
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Yeah... I'd also let him be part of the decision. If it were my husband, he would probably not want to throw it down the drain because that costs money and would want to give it to someone else.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:46 AM
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My husband has been sober for a month and a half now. Before he came home from the facility (28 day program) he asked me to get rid of the alcohol. I already had done that and he was very appreciative and impressed that I'd thought of that on my own. I did a lot of reading on the subject while he was gone and still do. It helped me prepare as much as possible before he got home.

I agree with talking to your AH about it. Include him in the decision.
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Old 07-06-2015, 11:43 AM
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I would definitely talk to your AH about it. I personally don't feel like it's worth the risk of keeping alcohol in the house. Honestly if I never drink again, I'm ok with that because I don't want to do anything that would upset my husband or cause him to want to drink. Right now I'm pregnant so I wouldn't drink anyways but even if I wasn't I wouldn't have the alcohol in my house. We never really kept a lot, just some wine. But when he started bringing me home a bottle of wine every couple of days, I knew it was time to keep no more alcohol in the house. When he came home from rehab in December, I didn't drink at all. I had one glass of wine out to dinner for Valentine's Day, then got pregnant. He has only been sober now for three weeks. I really don't want to do anything to affect his sobriety. Like I said not drinking or having the alcohol in the house is not a big deal to me. Since I'm not drinking, there's no reason to have any alcohol in the house.
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Old 07-06-2015, 05:28 PM
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I'd agree with the consensus. Tell him you would like to remove it from the house to free up space and give him the opportunity to take part in the decision making.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:23 PM
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Agreed-let him have some ownership in the decision.
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