My son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: fort worth tx
Posts: 1
My son
I am brand new to this forum.
My son who is 35 years old is an alcoholic.
He moved from Tx to NC almost 11 years ago. He had problems here before moving, but thought a change of pace would help.
He had a great job, met a great woman, they were married just shy of 2 years. She was always on him to stop drinking so much, finally she filed for divorce. He was very upset, but kept drinking.
Then a few months later, he met an even more wonderful woman. She was very understanding and thought she could save him. They have a son that is 19 months old. When she was pregnant, son went into outpatient rehab for 9 weeks. Did well, but relapsed at about 1 year sober.
For the past months his drinking has gotten worse. He was taking Liberium to make him not want to drink. After months of this, at her begging, he checked into an inpatient rehab for 28 days. He had lost his job few weeks before. He did very well, and when he got home, went straight to the liquor store. After a week and an incident with the baby, she left him and went to her parents home. The whole week she was gone he was taking the pills and drinking. Finally he promised her one last time he was done. Started going back to AA meetings, and got a different sponsor. Just found out yesterday he is drinking again. She looked at his debit card online, and found out in the past 10 days he has spent $200.00 on booze. She is filing for legal seperation.
He has no insurance, no job. He is still taking the meds and drinking. He is drinking so much, it could kill him.
I have been going to Al Anon meetings, and trying to stay strong, but being so far away is killing us.
I am trying to convince her to get him committed. She is thinking about it. Just don't know what to do or where to turn.
Thanks,
My son who is 35 years old is an alcoholic.
He moved from Tx to NC almost 11 years ago. He had problems here before moving, but thought a change of pace would help.
He had a great job, met a great woman, they were married just shy of 2 years. She was always on him to stop drinking so much, finally she filed for divorce. He was very upset, but kept drinking.
Then a few months later, he met an even more wonderful woman. She was very understanding and thought she could save him. They have a son that is 19 months old. When she was pregnant, son went into outpatient rehab for 9 weeks. Did well, but relapsed at about 1 year sober.
For the past months his drinking has gotten worse. He was taking Liberium to make him not want to drink. After months of this, at her begging, he checked into an inpatient rehab for 28 days. He had lost his job few weeks before. He did very well, and when he got home, went straight to the liquor store. After a week and an incident with the baby, she left him and went to her parents home. The whole week she was gone he was taking the pills and drinking. Finally he promised her one last time he was done. Started going back to AA meetings, and got a different sponsor. Just found out yesterday he is drinking again. She looked at his debit card online, and found out in the past 10 days he has spent $200.00 on booze. She is filing for legal seperation.
He has no insurance, no job. He is still taking the meds and drinking. He is drinking so much, it could kill him.
I have been going to Al Anon meetings, and trying to stay strong, but being so far away is killing us.
I am trying to convince her to get him committed. She is thinking about it. Just don't know what to do or where to turn.
Thanks,
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome to SR! This is a great place of good support for you. Keep going to Alanon, that will help too.
I am going to say something you likely don't want to hear. It's not her job to have him committed. It's her job to walk away and protect that baby. It's much harder than you think to "get" someone committed. He is not ready for recovery, and until he is, no amount of money spent on rehabs, or anything else, will get him there. He has to want it in his heart. Some have a "bottom" others do not.
I would say to let go. When you speak with him, encourage him, try not to enable him. Pray for him. Let him know he is loved, that his life is worth living, with or without a spouse. That he needs to be a dad to his child.
I am no professional, just a person who has been around a lot, and knows a lot about addiction and what it does to families.
Addiction is horrible. I am so sorry you are going through this. Read the stickies on the tops of the forums, they are packed with really good information.
Many hugs to you!
I am going to say something you likely don't want to hear. It's not her job to have him committed. It's her job to walk away and protect that baby. It's much harder than you think to "get" someone committed. He is not ready for recovery, and until he is, no amount of money spent on rehabs, or anything else, will get him there. He has to want it in his heart. Some have a "bottom" others do not.
I would say to let go. When you speak with him, encourage him, try not to enable him. Pray for him. Let him know he is loved, that his life is worth living, with or without a spouse. That he needs to be a dad to his child.
I am no professional, just a person who has been around a lot, and knows a lot about addiction and what it does to families.
Addiction is horrible. I am so sorry you are going through this. Read the stickies on the tops of the forums, they are packed with really good information.
Many hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome MPAfford to the SR Boards,
I am sorry your son is not doing well. I am glad to hear you are trying Al Anon meetings.
Do you have a good relationship with your grandbaby's mom? I think I'd focus on that little one.
Peace
I am sorry your son is not doing well. I am glad to hear you are trying Al Anon meetings.
Do you have a good relationship with your grandbaby's mom? I think I'd focus on that little one.
Peace
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
I have to agree with hopeful...her job is to take care of that baby and herself. Your son is a grown man and no one can force him to stop drinking. I hope you'll stick around here and read the stories of others who are, or have been, in your situation.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Unfortunately if he lived next door there would be nothing you could do. Your son is responsible for his sobriety no one else. Some of us see the light and some not. I quit when the negative consequences of my drinking out weighed my desire to drink.
I will say a prayer for him and those who love him
I will say a prayer for him and those who love him
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Sorry for what brings you here. Yeah... Unfortunately there's nothing you or anyone else can do about getting him sober and UNaddicted. He's got to want it bad enough for himself and with all those rehab stints his statistics don't look great. It's also next to impossible to get someone "committed". He is not a crazy schizophrenic that's out of control. He's an addict who makes all the wrong choices.
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