My (I think) Alcoholic Sister
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
AWESOME OUTCOME! (so far...) I didn't see your thread 'til today and when I was reading your posts, I actually got PTSD flashback trigger like feelings bc your sister sounds EXACTLY like my NPD A sister! Right down to the manipulative being all nicey-nice when she thought she was "in" and coming to live with you. EVERYTHING is alike even right down to the equally toxic husband of hers. I know it's a matter of time before the big D for my AS and her idiot husband and am SO GLAD I have gone full NO contact with her so she won't try to squirm my way for help. They are SO irresponsible and vindictive and conniving! She's supposedly not drinking anymore, but I know she's still as mean, toxic, conniving, and evil as ever -- towards me if I'd let her. When I went no contact, it's like a HUGE weight was lifted from me. Congrats for finally ripping that band-aid off and standing up for yourself to do what's right and good for YOU!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by Sasha4 
I love this thread!!
These conversations about how to effectively communicate boundaries are so helpful to all of us, whether we have issues with siblings or not.
AlcSis, I really have to hand it to you. You identified the problem, and dealt with it in way that I really respect. I hope your sister stays understanding as she moves forward. Please keep us updated, and good luck to both you and your sis.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Yesterday after my sister texted back, "I Understand".
I responded "OK. We can talk later".
No further text or email responses from her, until very late last night, which I awoke to this morning.
Her responses:
"I am sorry my situation has made your health worse. I know, it's my fault. Sorry."
And then another text:
"Don't call until you are feeling better."
Hmmmmm
I am just not sure what to think of her recent texts.
My "gut feelings" tell me to remain quiet for a while and work on my own issues. I have been browsing/studying the ACOA area of this website. Wow much to be learned there. Total TRUTH.
I need to allow my body to heal a bit. Mediate. Breathe.
****Allow myself to have a little bit of fun. I have been feeling guilty because although I am ill, I have a little support group of friends and occasionally we do fun things. We joke and laugh. Watch movies. Listen to music. Take an occasional stroll on the pier. (I live near the beach.)
My sister's life is so miserable, and here I have fun once in a while? Hey, it's a choice we make, right? Stay on the pity pot or get off and start living and enjoying life. Because life is short. Often too short. I refuse to feel guilty because my life, albeit a simple one, is overall a serene and happy one. With occasional bumps in the road. But that is reality. That is life.
For now, I will just continue to keep her in my prayers.
She has told me that I am the only one she gets calls/texts/emails from. And now those are stopping, at least for the moment. This a bit worrisome to me.
Time to "Let Go and Let God".
And time to "Seize the Moment."
I responded "OK. We can talk later".
No further text or email responses from her, until very late last night, which I awoke to this morning.
Her responses:
"I am sorry my situation has made your health worse. I know, it's my fault. Sorry."
And then another text:
"Don't call until you are feeling better."
Hmmmmm
I am just not sure what to think of her recent texts.
My "gut feelings" tell me to remain quiet for a while and work on my own issues. I have been browsing/studying the ACOA area of this website. Wow much to be learned there. Total TRUTH.
I need to allow my body to heal a bit. Mediate. Breathe.
****Allow myself to have a little bit of fun. I have been feeling guilty because although I am ill, I have a little support group of friends and occasionally we do fun things. We joke and laugh. Watch movies. Listen to music. Take an occasional stroll on the pier. (I live near the beach.)
My sister's life is so miserable, and here I have fun once in a while? Hey, it's a choice we make, right? Stay on the pity pot or get off and start living and enjoying life. Because life is short. Often too short. I refuse to feel guilty because my life, albeit a simple one, is overall a serene and happy one. With occasional bumps in the road. But that is reality. That is life.
For now, I will just continue to keep her in my prayers.
She has told me that I am the only one she gets calls/texts/emails from. And now those are stopping, at least for the moment. This a bit worrisome to me.
Time to "Let Go and Let God".
And time to "Seize the Moment."
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree with Dandy. And honestly, if she does not get any communication from anyone, she has likely burned her bridges with bad behavior. Unless she faces the consequences of that, it's not too likely she is ever going to change.
What you said is right, take some time to take good care of YOU!!!
What you said is right, take some time to take good care of YOU!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Wow
Just received a voicemail from sister's soon to be ex-husband.
I feared picking up the voicemail because of what I might be told.
At least she has not done herself in.
He asked me to call her and ensure her that she will not end up homeless. Evidently they are going through personal items and the task has triggered many thoughts and memories. He said she stopped sorting and curled up into a ball.
He said she is severely depressed and he is extremely worried about her emotional stability.
He said she told him about my email and he told me that he knows that it was probably one of the toughest things I have ever had to do.
Understatment.
He said she is taking my message to her very hard.
My sister's son (my nephew) has assured me that he will help his mother (my sister). My nephew told me not worry, and he understands my medical situation and my own emotional frailty. (I get stressed so easily now.) Her son has told my sister that he will find her a place to live.
I know she does not want to live with her son temporarily. Prefers me. but I am not up to it.
And I know she does not tell her son when she has spoken to me. I said in an earlier message here that she does not hear from anyone else except me. She does speak to this one son; but rarely, and usually, she call him when she is "up a creek" with issues with her husband.
Asking for some wisdom from others here (again).
What should I say to her?
I think I will tell her I have talked to her son, and that she needs to talk to him. She needs to place her faith in him. Her son!
Also I will offer to find some resources as suggested here in this thread.
Will offer emotional support.
S-H-I-_ !!!!
My sister is and has been emotionally unstable (severely depressed) for most of her life. Has attempted suicide twice. When I lived near them the last time, twice I found her locked in her bathroom, screaming and crying and threatening.
Should I call her husband and ask her to be taken away on a 72 hour hold?
I really don't want to talk to that A88-Hole.
Asking for prayers and wisdom. For all of us.
Thanks.
Again, asking for prayers.
Just received a voicemail from sister's soon to be ex-husband.
I feared picking up the voicemail because of what I might be told.
At least she has not done herself in.
He asked me to call her and ensure her that she will not end up homeless. Evidently they are going through personal items and the task has triggered many thoughts and memories. He said she stopped sorting and curled up into a ball.
He said she is severely depressed and he is extremely worried about her emotional stability.
He said she told him about my email and he told me that he knows that it was probably one of the toughest things I have ever had to do.
Understatment.
He said she is taking my message to her very hard.
My sister's son (my nephew) has assured me that he will help his mother (my sister). My nephew told me not worry, and he understands my medical situation and my own emotional frailty. (I get stressed so easily now.) Her son has told my sister that he will find her a place to live.
I know she does not want to live with her son temporarily. Prefers me. but I am not up to it.
And I know she does not tell her son when she has spoken to me. I said in an earlier message here that she does not hear from anyone else except me. She does speak to this one son; but rarely, and usually, she call him when she is "up a creek" with issues with her husband.
Asking for some wisdom from others here (again).
What should I say to her?
I think I will tell her I have talked to her son, and that she needs to talk to him. She needs to place her faith in him. Her son!
Also I will offer to find some resources as suggested here in this thread.
Will offer emotional support.
S-H-I-_ !!!!
My sister is and has been emotionally unstable (severely depressed) for most of her life. Has attempted suicide twice. When I lived near them the last time, twice I found her locked in her bathroom, screaming and crying and threatening.
Should I call her husband and ask her to be taken away on a 72 hour hold?
I really don't want to talk to that A88-Hole.
Asking for prayers and wisdom. For all of us.
Thanks.
Again, asking for prayers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I know you are feeling sad and guilty, but do not do anything. Your sister needs to work this out on her own. She's an adult who is capable of taking care of herself.
Sorry you're going through this. Sending much love and healing thoughts your way.
Sorry you're going through this. Sending much love and healing thoughts your way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
Your situation is vulnerable enough already without these manipulative, toxic people trying to muscle in on your world.
I am full of admiration that you were able to communicate your first boundary to your sister - that she wouldn't be coming to live with you - and it must have been an incredibly difficult thing to do.
Right now, as readerbaby says, do nothing. If you didn't exist, they'd sort something out for themselves. As it is, you are not responsible for their relationship or any fallout from it; it will not do your sister any good if she realises that she can manipulate other people by threatening or attempting suicide. It's also not your responsibility to call her and tell her she will not end up homeless - that's for her to sort out.
I can totally understand the urge to do something, anything, to make this situation better - but any involvement on your part won't really help your sister or her family in the long run, and the toll on you would be considerable. If you don't want to talk to your brother-in-law, then don't. He's perfectly capable of making his own decisions.
If she doesn't get anywhere with you, she will undoubtedly cast around for other people and her son will be on the list. There is actually a great deal of help available to her if she chooses to take it - but she's not likely to do that if she thinks she can use other family members instead.
I'm very saddened to see you feel guilty when you're having fun - heck, if you don't deserve it, who does? Your sister is the authoress of her own misfortunes and she's the only person who can make the decision to heal, too.
Ironically, if she ever does sink so low that she makes the decision to take responsibility for herself, attend AA/rehab/whatever - it will be BECAUSE others have declined to do for her what she should be doing for herself.
Sadly, many of us who have grown up in alcoholic homes have a sense of responsibility for events and people beyond our control. Now you have an opportunity to establish healthy boundaries for yourself - but I know how difficult and frightening this can be when you first start.
But remember... you've got all of us on here standing right by your side!
(((HUGS)))
I am full of admiration that you were able to communicate your first boundary to your sister - that she wouldn't be coming to live with you - and it must have been an incredibly difficult thing to do.
Right now, as readerbaby says, do nothing. If you didn't exist, they'd sort something out for themselves. As it is, you are not responsible for their relationship or any fallout from it; it will not do your sister any good if she realises that she can manipulate other people by threatening or attempting suicide. It's also not your responsibility to call her and tell her she will not end up homeless - that's for her to sort out.
I can totally understand the urge to do something, anything, to make this situation better - but any involvement on your part won't really help your sister or her family in the long run, and the toll on you would be considerable. If you don't want to talk to your brother-in-law, then don't. He's perfectly capable of making his own decisions.
If she doesn't get anywhere with you, she will undoubtedly cast around for other people and her son will be on the list. There is actually a great deal of help available to her if she chooses to take it - but she's not likely to do that if she thinks she can use other family members instead.
I'm very saddened to see you feel guilty when you're having fun - heck, if you don't deserve it, who does? Your sister is the authoress of her own misfortunes and she's the only person who can make the decision to heal, too.
Ironically, if she ever does sink so low that she makes the decision to take responsibility for herself, attend AA/rehab/whatever - it will be BECAUSE others have declined to do for her what she should be doing for herself.
Sadly, many of us who have grown up in alcoholic homes have a sense of responsibility for events and people beyond our control. Now you have an opportunity to establish healthy boundaries for yourself - but I know how difficult and frightening this can be when you first start.
But remember... you've got all of us on here standing right by your side!
(((HUGS)))
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Add me to the "do nothing" list. She has people there who can provide her with the means to get whatever help she is willing to accept. Your further attempts to "smooth things over" can easily backfire. If she senses you are wavering in your decision, she might "up" the drama to seal the deal.
You have been kind and compassionate in your refusal. You have excellent reasons for your refusal. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Even if she DOES wind up harming herself, it is because she is sick, not because you didn't bring her to live with you. She could engage in the same kind of behavior if she moves in--how would you like to deal with threats of suicide in your home?
Sit on your hands, for right now. It's the safest thing for everyone at this point.
You have been kind and compassionate in your refusal. You have excellent reasons for your refusal. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Even if she DOES wind up harming herself, it is because she is sick, not because you didn't bring her to live with you. She could engage in the same kind of behavior if she moves in--how would you like to deal with threats of suicide in your home?
Sit on your hands, for right now. It's the safest thing for everyone at this point.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 194
I'm in the "do nothing" group, as well. However, I'm going to go a little farther. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. The very best thing you can do; however, I do NOT think you should be getting your nephew or any other family member pulled into this. If she wants to reach out to them for help, SHE can do it. I feel like you are pulling them in to get her help because you feel guilty that you said no.
It's not your responsibility to take her in, nor is it to ask anyone else to do so. It's not fair to rope them in because it's also not their responsibility or obligation to take her in. In fact, I think they've been put in an unfair situation.
For now, if it were me, I'd leave it alone. You don't owe anyone else any further explanation. Her husband is playing you because he feels guilty, too. I also wouldn't communication with her son or anyone else about her arrangements anymore. It's done. You've said what you needed to say.
It's not your responsibility to take her in, nor is it to ask anyone else to do so. It's not fair to rope them in because it's also not their responsibility or obligation to take her in. In fact, I think they've been put in an unfair situation.
For now, if it were me, I'd leave it alone. You don't owe anyone else any further explanation. Her husband is playing you because he feels guilty, too. I also wouldn't communication with her son or anyone else about her arrangements anymore. It's done. You've said what you needed to say.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Thanks for the input.
As of now, around 9 pm pacific, I have not called or texted my sister.
Regarding her son, well, he has known what is going on with his Mom for quite a while, and he has told her (and me) several times that he will be there for her and that he will help her find a place to live.
Sadly, tonight I received a call from my best friend who lives in the same town my sister lives in. I used to live there. I moved away to be closer to my own son and his family. I moved to get away from her and her husband. I needed peace and to not be caught in what I realize was a triangulation situation perpetuated by their relationship.
My friend called to tell me that she ran into my sis today at the small market at the local gas station. They all live in a very small town. Said my sister looked like hell. And said my sister was crying and told my friend the story of her divorce and my email and how devastated she was to receive it. She said she understood, but my sister does not want to go to her son's apt. because he can't have dogs at his place. (I can't have guests who come to visit = bringing dogs to live with me either. I would be violating my housing agreement. ) My sis has a small terrier which is now officially her emotional support dog.
My friend almost offered to let her come to her place, but she witnessed how terrible my sister treated me years ago when I was very ill, when my friend (who was also a neighbor), called my sister to come and help me. Also my friend is afraid of my sister's husband. She knows he is a sick narcissistic phony and she knows he has guns. And she knows my sister has had a drinking problem.
She held back from offering a place for my sister to go and she felt guilty. She told my sister about a local Domestic Violence Shelter where my sis could go. My sister already knows about this place. I TOLD my sister about this place. Asked her to go get counseling, at least someone to talk to. My sister refused to go. Has refused any counseling for herself.
My friend called to apologize for not allowing my sister to come and stay for a while. My friend is a former drug and alcohol counselor for the County Sheriff and is very wise. She knows my sister has had a drinking problem. I told my dear sweet friend, no need for an apology. My friend thought I needed to know the situation. We both cried together, 2000 miles from each other.
She also asked me several times about my sister. Asked if she was still drinking. I said my sister says she hasn't had a drink in months.
Well..........my dear sweet intelligent caring honest friend then told me that my sister was buying two bottles of wine. My friend told my sister that she didn't need them. My sister said she knew that, but she bought them anyways.
After the call, I broke down for a while. Started having breathing issues, which I get with my illness. and can send me into breathing failure if it gets out of control. So I called a friend who came over to be with me, I worked on calming myself down, controlling my breathing and took extra meds. I am okay now. Not completely but at least not in the hospital.
I am numb. And frightened. And sick.
I sent my friend home a little while ago, who knows the situation and is on alert for a possible call from me.
And I still haven't texted or called my sister.
This is going to be a long night.
I still haven't texted or called my sister.
Should I?
Prayers requested and input welcome.
This is going to be a long night.
Thanks for listening.
Oh S H I __ !!!!!
As of now, around 9 pm pacific, I have not called or texted my sister.
Regarding her son, well, he has known what is going on with his Mom for quite a while, and he has told her (and me) several times that he will be there for her and that he will help her find a place to live.
Sadly, tonight I received a call from my best friend who lives in the same town my sister lives in. I used to live there. I moved away to be closer to my own son and his family. I moved to get away from her and her husband. I needed peace and to not be caught in what I realize was a triangulation situation perpetuated by their relationship.
My friend called to tell me that she ran into my sis today at the small market at the local gas station. They all live in a very small town. Said my sister looked like hell. And said my sister was crying and told my friend the story of her divorce and my email and how devastated she was to receive it. She said she understood, but my sister does not want to go to her son's apt. because he can't have dogs at his place. (I can't have guests who come to visit = bringing dogs to live with me either. I would be violating my housing agreement. ) My sis has a small terrier which is now officially her emotional support dog.
My friend almost offered to let her come to her place, but she witnessed how terrible my sister treated me years ago when I was very ill, when my friend (who was also a neighbor), called my sister to come and help me. Also my friend is afraid of my sister's husband. She knows he is a sick narcissistic phony and she knows he has guns. And she knows my sister has had a drinking problem.
She held back from offering a place for my sister to go and she felt guilty. She told my sister about a local Domestic Violence Shelter where my sis could go. My sister already knows about this place. I TOLD my sister about this place. Asked her to go get counseling, at least someone to talk to. My sister refused to go. Has refused any counseling for herself.
My friend called to apologize for not allowing my sister to come and stay for a while. My friend is a former drug and alcohol counselor for the County Sheriff and is very wise. She knows my sister has had a drinking problem. I told my dear sweet friend, no need for an apology. My friend thought I needed to know the situation. We both cried together, 2000 miles from each other.
She also asked me several times about my sister. Asked if she was still drinking. I said my sister says she hasn't had a drink in months.
Well..........my dear sweet intelligent caring honest friend then told me that my sister was buying two bottles of wine. My friend told my sister that she didn't need them. My sister said she knew that, but she bought them anyways.
After the call, I broke down for a while. Started having breathing issues, which I get with my illness. and can send me into breathing failure if it gets out of control. So I called a friend who came over to be with me, I worked on calming myself down, controlling my breathing and took extra meds. I am okay now. Not completely but at least not in the hospital.
I am numb. And frightened. And sick.
I sent my friend home a little while ago, who knows the situation and is on alert for a possible call from me.
And I still haven't texted or called my sister.
This is going to be a long night.
I still haven't texted or called my sister.
Should I?
Prayers requested and input welcome.
This is going to be a long night.
Thanks for listening.
Oh S H I __ !!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
If you feel the urge to call or text your sister, like a recovering alcoholic declining alcohol - resist. Get support for yourself in handling your own painful feelings, rather than enmeshing yourself in her dramas.
Get support from whichever avenue fits best for you, but don't contact your sister.
Get support from whichever avenue fits best for you, but don't contact your sister.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Thanks, Rosalba for your response.
Thanks for comparing my situation to that of an alcoholic struggling to resist a drink.
I needed to read that.
I see you are in the UK. It is 3 am here on the West Coast in the USA.
I was blessed to be able to fall asleep even with this burden on my mind. Although I just woke up, now at 3 am; at least I have a few hours of sleep.
Sleep was good for my soul and good for my health.
My HP has been good to me.
I prayed constantly for my sister, until I fell asleep. Praying again now.
And I am not going to contact my sister or her soon to be ex husband.
And I am going to reach out to a couple of friends, one who is a strong Alanon, later today.
I have very young grandchildren who are coming to visit me today with my daughter in law. My focus will be on them. They love me, and they love coming to visit me and I love them and cherish their visits.
I am blessed.
Thanks again.
Thanks for comparing my situation to that of an alcoholic struggling to resist a drink.
I needed to read that.
I see you are in the UK. It is 3 am here on the West Coast in the USA.
I was blessed to be able to fall asleep even with this burden on my mind. Although I just woke up, now at 3 am; at least I have a few hours of sleep.
Sleep was good for my soul and good for my health.
My HP has been good to me.
I prayed constantly for my sister, until I fell asleep. Praying again now.
And I am not going to contact my sister or her soon to be ex husband.
And I am going to reach out to a couple of friends, one who is a strong Alanon, later today.
I have very young grandchildren who are coming to visit me today with my daughter in law. My focus will be on them. They love me, and they love coming to visit me and I love them and cherish their visits.
I am blessed.
Thanks again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Update
First of all, again I want to thank everyone for your input, suggestions and advice about my situation. A couple of you asked that I keep the members here updated.
Secondly, per everyone's suggestions/advice (LOL) which was probably "unanimous group conscious vote), I have not contacted my sister.......
Until today.
Today I received a text from her, that their home sold today and escrow will close July 31, 2015.
I responded with a "congratulations", and have not said anything more. I am still not well and don't feel able to engage in much more than a cursory conversation.
Wow, I had a FEELING it would sell soon. (I am a very strong EMPATH and very intuitive.)
I am so eternally grateful that my HP gave me the inclination and courage (along with A Lot of Help from My SR Friends), to notify my sister of my decision about her (not) staying/living with me - on June 2, 2015.
And the home sold today, June 5, 2015. Had been listed for just three weeks. OMG !!
I am so grateful that I had not procrastinated any longer than I did. It would have been much more difficult for me to tell her that, after the home sold, with her counting on me to provide temporary housing until she found another place to live.
So grateful that I received great advice and support from this group.
So grateful that my sister reached out and sent me the text about their home selling.
So grateful for my HP and the basic Alanon tools I had within me, and for the support of this group, which I now consider my primary support group.
So grateful I am getting stronger, using the steps and slogans, and not trying to take over and rescue my sister. (patting myself on the back here - lol)
I am just so grateful for so many things.
I am not a Pollyanna, and I know that "More shall be revealed." And I am ready for whatever happens. Taking it One Day, One Hour at a Time.
All I know is that "Let Go and Let God" has been my favorite 12 step slogan. Although I haven't always been able to practice this slogan perfectly. Thankfully, I was able to follow through and practice this slogan, in regards to my sister.
I plan to continue reciting and living this slogan as I allow my sister take whatever steps and makes whatever decisions, that she will be taking in Her Journey.
I am grateful to all of you and to my HP.
Thanks for listening.
Secondly, per everyone's suggestions/advice (LOL) which was probably "unanimous group conscious vote), I have not contacted my sister.......
Until today.
Today I received a text from her, that their home sold today and escrow will close July 31, 2015.
I responded with a "congratulations", and have not said anything more. I am still not well and don't feel able to engage in much more than a cursory conversation.
Wow, I had a FEELING it would sell soon. (I am a very strong EMPATH and very intuitive.)
I am so eternally grateful that my HP gave me the inclination and courage (along with A Lot of Help from My SR Friends), to notify my sister of my decision about her (not) staying/living with me - on June 2, 2015.
And the home sold today, June 5, 2015. Had been listed for just three weeks. OMG !!
I am so grateful that I had not procrastinated any longer than I did. It would have been much more difficult for me to tell her that, after the home sold, with her counting on me to provide temporary housing until she found another place to live.
So grateful that I received great advice and support from this group.
So grateful that my sister reached out and sent me the text about their home selling.
So grateful for my HP and the basic Alanon tools I had within me, and for the support of this group, which I now consider my primary support group.
So grateful I am getting stronger, using the steps and slogans, and not trying to take over and rescue my sister. (patting myself on the back here - lol)
I am just so grateful for so many things.
I am not a Pollyanna, and I know that "More shall be revealed." And I am ready for whatever happens. Taking it One Day, One Hour at a Time.
All I know is that "Let Go and Let God" has been my favorite 12 step slogan. Although I haven't always been able to practice this slogan perfectly. Thankfully, I was able to follow through and practice this slogan, in regards to my sister.
I plan to continue reciting and living this slogan as I allow my sister take whatever steps and makes whatever decisions, that she will be taking in Her Journey.
I am grateful to all of you and to my HP.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 74
Great news, thanks for the update. One of the things I learned since I stopped drinking is how to be a stronger person by saying no and standing up to those that I would allow to manipulate or roll over me.
Hasn't been easy at times, but doing so has made my life a whole lot less stressful.
Hasn't been easy at times, but doing so has made my life a whole lot less stressful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
There are Miracles Happening - Update (again)
Thought I would share what is going on with my sister. Just want to share because I am so grateful for the help I received here and because I am so grateful to grateful to my HP because I know my HP is at work........
Well, I needed some respite time after making the decision and following through with the decision I needed to make regarding my sister. I needed to detach. My health was tanking.
So, I have made no calls, texts, etc. to her. Until last night. I felt compelled to call her. Intuitively knew it was the right time.
(I am not enabling her; but I don't want to just drop her completely out of my life.)
So, I called. We talked. Her son has made all the necessary arrangements for her to be able to move back to the state where he (and I) live. Moving her "stuff". Found a temporary place for her to live. GREAT !!! Thanks, HP! This was his decision to help her. I will be eternally grateful to my nephew.
And, it just so happened that she had heard from her divorce attorney earlier in the day. She is coming out better financially than she thought she would. GREAT !!! SUPER GREAT !!! Thanks, HP! Her A-hole hubby is not happy about how it appears the financial split will be; she is dealing with that. They live in a 50/50 state. It is the LAW. He is a narcissist and thinks he is above the law. So although I am grateful my sister is coming out better than she thought - I have to say that I am really glad that the A-hole hubby is not getting his way. (Narcissists always/generally think they deserve more.) But, I refrained from giving any advice, comments, etc. about him. (pat, pat, patting myself on my back for holding my tongue).
My sister and I are talking; she knows I love her and support her. Knows I haven't totally abandoned her. But she also knows my situation and understands my boundaries. This is good; very good - for both of us.
Thanks, SR Friends for your support.
And, Thanks, HP!! Miracles Do Happen !!
Let Go and Let God truly applies to the situation with my sister and myself.
This slogan is my constant prayer and meditation throughout my day.
Well, I needed some respite time after making the decision and following through with the decision I needed to make regarding my sister. I needed to detach. My health was tanking.
So, I have made no calls, texts, etc. to her. Until last night. I felt compelled to call her. Intuitively knew it was the right time.
(I am not enabling her; but I don't want to just drop her completely out of my life.)
So, I called. We talked. Her son has made all the necessary arrangements for her to be able to move back to the state where he (and I) live. Moving her "stuff". Found a temporary place for her to live. GREAT !!! Thanks, HP! This was his decision to help her. I will be eternally grateful to my nephew.
And, it just so happened that she had heard from her divorce attorney earlier in the day. She is coming out better financially than she thought she would. GREAT !!! SUPER GREAT !!! Thanks, HP! Her A-hole hubby is not happy about how it appears the financial split will be; she is dealing with that. They live in a 50/50 state. It is the LAW. He is a narcissist and thinks he is above the law. So although I am grateful my sister is coming out better than she thought - I have to say that I am really glad that the A-hole hubby is not getting his way. (Narcissists always/generally think they deserve more.) But, I refrained from giving any advice, comments, etc. about him. (pat, pat, patting myself on my back for holding my tongue).
My sister and I are talking; she knows I love her and support her. Knows I haven't totally abandoned her. But she also knows my situation and understands my boundaries. This is good; very good - for both of us.
Thanks, SR Friends for your support.
And, Thanks, HP!! Miracles Do Happen !!
Let Go and Let God truly applies to the situation with my sister and myself.
This slogan is my constant prayer and meditation throughout my day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
GREAT NEWS!!! I was so worried about you and your health and what you were dealing with just on the periphery of your sister's woes. I hope your story serves as an example of why healthy boundaries are actually good for BOTH sides of the street!
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