sahm3

Hi I just found this site and I'm looking for support and answers. I think my husband has a drinking problem. You would think it would be easy for me to recognize it because I grew up with an alcoholic father. But it seems not all alcoholics are the same.

I found a questionere to determine if you were living with an alcoholic or not and I passed that questionere with flying colors. When he drinks he turns into a different person he tries to intimadate me and control me. I'm usually a very aggressive person but I've learned that doesn't work with him when he's drinking. I have to be as passive as possible I've even left before with my three children and have gone and stayed at a hotel but lately he's been drinking while we're away from home and we can't get away from him. Just recently we were all in the car (three kids in backseat) when he was drinking while driving. I didn't know he was drinking when we left because he had a diet coke with him but I soon realized he had added vodka to the diet coke. Anyway we passed a highway patrol speeding and he proceeded to turn around and pull us over when my husband took off at speeds of 120 and lost the trooper. I knew if we got pulled over that he'd go to jail and I was hoping for that then maybe he'd realize they way he acts.

I've accused him of having a drinking problem he flew off the handle threw away every liquour bottle in the house we had and quit drinking for about two months. He says that proved he didn't have a drinking problem because if he did he couldn't of quit so easily with no withdrawls.

I dont' know what I'm supposed to do, he's never physically abused me but he has threatened to while he was drinking, he's destroyd stuff in our house.
Sometimes the next day he's very sorry and say's it won't happen again. But sometimes he acts as though nothing has happened and when I seem upset he makes me think I'm crazy like I have a problem.

I do drink occassionally, I have gotten drunk at times, but I have never done anything I regreted while drinking or anything I've had to apologize for the next day, I don't drink on a daily basis more like once a month. He used to be ok drinking until about two years ago and now it seems the times of his outrageous behavior is increasing.

I dont know what I'm supposed to do doesn't seem like confronting him does any good, and how do you set boundaries with someone you live with. I did accomplish setting boundaries with my alcoholic father my relationship with him is much better now that I did. I heard one time that somone who grows up with an alcoholic parent has a greater chance of becoming one themselves or marrying one, has anyone ever heard this?

Thanks for letting me vent! And thanks in Advance for any advice you all have for me!

Lorelai

Welcome sahm3 !
If your husband's drinking is causing you problems then it's a problem. Sounds like typical alcoholic behavior to me.

I'm glad you've found us. There is a lot of information and wisdom here and very caring people who know what you are going through.

Keep reading and posting and check out the power posts at the top of the forum. You'll find a lot of good information there.

I'm glad you're here.
L

cwohio

welcome sahm3 - you have come to the right place. i have heard or read what you stated.

as many here will tell you - try to find an al-anon meeting to attend. it will open your eyes.

come back often and vent or let us know how you are doing.

cwohio

splendra

sahm-

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I think you found the right place to help you get started with your recovery. Read all the "sticky & power post" and also go to the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum here at this sight and read and post.

You find that you can't do nothing about "him" we can only change ourselves and set boundries that make our own lives better. Take care and keep posting. I am sure that others will be along to welcome you too....

Magichappens

Hi sahm3,
Welcome to SR. Probably the hardest thing to get over for us is the idea that we can fix this. My mind still gets on a roll and tries to figure out how to fix something that isn't mine and doesn't seem to be a problem for the person who has it. Learning to take the focus off fixing those around me who didn't want to be fixed, and focus on fixing me and healing me has been much more successful. There are plenty of experience strength and hope here. There is a lot of support and love. The important thing is that you are not crazy and you don't have to go through this alone. I am glad you joined us. Hugs, Magic

hopeforme

Welcome - I am new here too - but I know it helps to feel completely understood. I do go to Al-Anon and it defintely helps...
Most important - make sure YOU and your children are safe and don't get in a car if he is drinking...