Confused Feelings right now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
Confused Feelings right now
For awlie now I have been feeling really confused about things. Things with my alcoholic dad are going okay. He got a job and he still drinks but lately he has been asking hows my job and how i am doing and he allowed my to use his truck til my car gets fixed. What is with the nice? You think i would be happy and I am but I hate change even if it is for the better.
My mom has been nice to me and then she went to being very judgement of me and how I do things. I was not ready for that one. My mom is hard to understand.
I am in marching band but my attitude sucks this year and I have been having a hard time with the drill and today I was just in a bad mood I guess maybe because of work I do not know. I was yelling and cursing at the new ass. band director. How stupid was that REALLY STUPID on a scale one ot ten that was a 15 today. I like band but I think was are wasting time with stuff and I guess I am afraid that at our first show which is this friday will look really bad. I am trying but i think I could try harder and the drill and my temper. It was just a really bad day today hopefully I will kick myself and will not repeat todays activity ast tomorrows practice.
School starts Wed. and it is my Senior year. I am happy about that and I am ready to get it going. I see how far I have come since this time last year when I was not in the program to now and it is surprising how far I have comer in 9 months of going to meetings. I am happy and i have a good attitude toward this school year but in the back of my mine I can't stop the well what will happen this year it will be just like the past hell years at my high school. I have been through a lot of pain and I am not sure what will make this year different. But I know that it will be different I have a great sponsor and firends that I can nnow talk to and I have understanding friends at my school and I have counselors at my school that work with me all the time. I guess I am just scared that this year will not be any different but it has to be with all I have learn.
Sorry for the long vent but all that came out at once that is what happens when I start writing.
Love,
Shana, 18
My mom has been nice to me and then she went to being very judgement of me and how I do things. I was not ready for that one. My mom is hard to understand.
I am in marching band but my attitude sucks this year and I have been having a hard time with the drill and today I was just in a bad mood I guess maybe because of work I do not know. I was yelling and cursing at the new ass. band director. How stupid was that REALLY STUPID on a scale one ot ten that was a 15 today. I like band but I think was are wasting time with stuff and I guess I am afraid that at our first show which is this friday will look really bad. I am trying but i think I could try harder and the drill and my temper. It was just a really bad day today hopefully I will kick myself and will not repeat todays activity ast tomorrows practice.
School starts Wed. and it is my Senior year. I am happy about that and I am ready to get it going. I see how far I have come since this time last year when I was not in the program to now and it is surprising how far I have comer in 9 months of going to meetings. I am happy and i have a good attitude toward this school year but in the back of my mine I can't stop the well what will happen this year it will be just like the past hell years at my high school. I have been through a lot of pain and I am not sure what will make this year different. But I know that it will be different I have a great sponsor and firends that I can nnow talk to and I have understanding friends at my school and I have counselors at my school that work with me all the time. I guess I am just scared that this year will not be any different but it has to be with all I have learn.
Sorry for the long vent but all that came out at once that is what happens when I start writing.
Love,
Shana, 18
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Shana.
You're dealing with an awful lot of change right now.
But it sounds like at least most things are changing in good ways. I wasn't in marching band, I was in the orchestra, but we had a stupid band director at my high school, too. LOL Maybe all that dueling brass does something to the thinking processes. :wink2: It's okay to do a step one on the band director. 
Hugs,
Smoke
You're dealing with an awful lot of change right now.
But it sounds like at least most things are changing in good ways. I wasn't in marching band, I was in the orchestra, but we had a stupid band director at my high school, too. LOL Maybe all that dueling brass does something to the thinking processes. :wink2: It's okay to do a step one on the band director. Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
It's okay to do a step one on the band director.
Ahh Smoke... your humor slays me.
***
Hey Renee....
Confusing times eh? So much going on... so many possibilities...
I'm an ACOA as well... albeit a 48 year old one.. ;o)
I am happy and i have a good attitude toward this school year but in the back of my mine I can't stop the well what will happen this year it will be just like the past hell years at my high school.
After you do step one on your band director... you might want to do one on the future... ;o)
It's a tough age to be at...
But... you have program under your belt... and you have a sponsor..!!!
I guess I am just scared that this year will not be any different but it has to be with all I have learn.
It's your senior year!!! That is so awesome in itself. So much is gonna happen this year.
My daughter graduated last year... and she's kicking herself now that she was overly focused on guy issues when she could have been having a rockin good time with her buddies and friends... but.. live and learn.
So glad you shared your day with us...
Hugs Renee... and keep writing..
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Shana
My sister in law was in drum and bugle corp and would say the same all the time. My trumpet instructor... well I think it just may be those who do such jobs just have a way about them *LOL*
Your dad being nice... maybe he realized he was being dificult in the past and is trying to say he is sorry. OR maybe he has seen a change in you and is starting to respond.
Doesn't matter why. Still you need to do what is best for you no matter how he acts.
Yes lots of changes in your life right now. Keep strong as we both know you can be. Take life one moment at a time. Enjoy every moment of your senior year. Hang on to the good memories of this year and use them to bring a smile in the future.
Love reading your posts as I said before. So wonderful seeing such wisdom in the younger people.
My sister in law was in drum and bugle corp and would say the same all the time. My trumpet instructor... well I think it just may be those who do such jobs just have a way about them *LOL*
Your dad being nice... maybe he realized he was being dificult in the past and is trying to say he is sorry. OR maybe he has seen a change in you and is starting to respond.
Doesn't matter why. Still you need to do what is best for you no matter how he acts.
Yes lots of changes in your life right now. Keep strong as we both know you can be. Take life one moment at a time. Enjoy every moment of your senior year. Hang on to the good memories of this year and use them to bring a smile in the future.
Love reading your posts as I said before. So wonderful seeing such wisdom in the younger people.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: indianapolis, in
Posts: 81
Hi Shana
This time in your life can be confusing, you have a lot to sort out.
Mom's can be confusing. We have problems making the transition and we do not realize that you are in the midst of adult-hood, which is a hard concept for us to grasp most times, so sometimes we still have a bad habit of treating you very much like the child that used to have pigtail and sucking lolli-pops.
We have problems communicating for so many reasons. A lot of times we are just to disconnected to know exactly what you are feeling, what you need, and how to really relate to you. We go on auto-pilot most of the time because of responsibilites and the goals and dreams that we carry in our heart for our families as a whole. So juggling it all, sometimes we drop balls. Unfortunately, one of those is our teen-agers.
We do not understand that we need to give you respect, regardless of the mistakes that you have made in the pass and most of the time we do not give you credit when credit would really do you a lot of good.
Can I let you in on a secret? We are confused too. If you don't have any older generation sibblings, then that means that we are doing all the trial stuff on the first set. Clueless to a lot of things that we haven't even begin to relate to that has to do with our teens and their world. See we forget that we were once there and project a lot of our own hopes and dreams on you and sometimes it comes on just a little to heavy. We are usually tunnel visioned if we are not engaging in meaningful, heartfelt conversations with you - where you would be able to share things that are close to your heart and on your mind.
Sometimes, we need to apologize for going over-board, but our pride and arrogance over our parental position gets in the way and we miss valuable opportunities to gain your respect. Oh, one other thing we sometimes carry in cognito is guilt and shame over one thing or another. You just never know, especially if we have never taken the time to do an assesment of ourselves, most times we don't even know we need to evaluate ourselves and ask for constructive feedback on how we are doing from you.
Don't want the failure report. So we protect ourselves from your opinion by obsessing and being perfectionists, not knowing that we should be enjoying you in everyway possible and applying heavy doses of forgiveness to your stumblings in your transitions.
We take your anger as if it is a personal weapon that is waged against us and most times we retaliate in like manner, causing choas and continual disunity and disconnectivity.
Here is another good one....we haven't dealt with the traumas or disappointment of our own lives and can't even recognize where we lost our balance, if we ever had it to begin with.
The one element that I didn't experience was have my older daughters father around nor any other father figure in the home during their teen years. So I can't even imagine the situations that may be present with that.
I asked for intervention from my teens when I noticed that I was too extreme. Needless to say, I didn't get much help there...they weren't to confident about speaking up on my extreme issues...so I had to work it all out on my own.
I just wanted to share a bit of my experience on how I related to my teens, in hopes that this may give you a glimpse into some of the issues she may be dealing with.
How to transform that relationship, I could give you a bunch of advise.
I've helped some of my daughters friends understand the stresses that their mother was going through and some of the things helped relieve the stress that they experienced in that relationship.
But I have been long enough...if you are interested send me a pm.
Thought I would share with you on that area of your concern.
Continue to work on taking care of you.
Be blessed.
This time in your life can be confusing, you have a lot to sort out.
Mom's can be confusing. We have problems making the transition and we do not realize that you are in the midst of adult-hood, which is a hard concept for us to grasp most times, so sometimes we still have a bad habit of treating you very much like the child that used to have pigtail and sucking lolli-pops.
We have problems communicating for so many reasons. A lot of times we are just to disconnected to know exactly what you are feeling, what you need, and how to really relate to you. We go on auto-pilot most of the time because of responsibilites and the goals and dreams that we carry in our heart for our families as a whole. So juggling it all, sometimes we drop balls. Unfortunately, one of those is our teen-agers.
We do not understand that we need to give you respect, regardless of the mistakes that you have made in the pass and most of the time we do not give you credit when credit would really do you a lot of good.
Can I let you in on a secret? We are confused too. If you don't have any older generation sibblings, then that means that we are doing all the trial stuff on the first set. Clueless to a lot of things that we haven't even begin to relate to that has to do with our teens and their world. See we forget that we were once there and project a lot of our own hopes and dreams on you and sometimes it comes on just a little to heavy. We are usually tunnel visioned if we are not engaging in meaningful, heartfelt conversations with you - where you would be able to share things that are close to your heart and on your mind.
Sometimes, we need to apologize for going over-board, but our pride and arrogance over our parental position gets in the way and we miss valuable opportunities to gain your respect. Oh, one other thing we sometimes carry in cognito is guilt and shame over one thing or another. You just never know, especially if we have never taken the time to do an assesment of ourselves, most times we don't even know we need to evaluate ourselves and ask for constructive feedback on how we are doing from you.
Don't want the failure report. So we protect ourselves from your opinion by obsessing and being perfectionists, not knowing that we should be enjoying you in everyway possible and applying heavy doses of forgiveness to your stumblings in your transitions.
We take your anger as if it is a personal weapon that is waged against us and most times we retaliate in like manner, causing choas and continual disunity and disconnectivity.
Here is another good one....we haven't dealt with the traumas or disappointment of our own lives and can't even recognize where we lost our balance, if we ever had it to begin with.
The one element that I didn't experience was have my older daughters father around nor any other father figure in the home during their teen years. So I can't even imagine the situations that may be present with that.
I asked for intervention from my teens when I noticed that I was too extreme. Needless to say, I didn't get much help there...they weren't to confident about speaking up on my extreme issues...so I had to work it all out on my own.
I just wanted to share a bit of my experience on how I related to my teens, in hopes that this may give you a glimpse into some of the issues she may be dealing with.
How to transform that relationship, I could give you a bunch of advise.
I've helped some of my daughters friends understand the stresses that their mother was going through and some of the things helped relieve the stress that they experienced in that relationship.
But I have been long enough...if you are interested send me a pm.
Thought I would share with you on that area of your concern.
Continue to work on taking care of you.
Be blessed.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
thanks everyone. Your thoughts me a lot to me. I guess I just caught up in the future instead of living in the moment. I do that from time to time. I guess I got scared with all the chgange too. But like you said it is good change. And thanks bikewench for the little do a step one on my band director. That made me smile. Things are better today but still a little afraid of starting my senior year but I think when tomorrow comes I will be ready to start and have the best year ever.
Love,
Shana
Love,
Shana
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 184
Hey! I think your senior year will be the best one yet mine sure was. I'm from a pretty small town and things tended to get really clicky when I was in school. You had the jocks, the band geeks (I was one lol), the dorks, the preps etc etc.... But I found that as our senior year went on everyone finally grew up. By the end of it everyone was friends (I'm still friends with someone to this day that I didn't even speak to the first three years of school lol) anyhoo good luck and remember that the future is what YOU make of it!
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