gleefan

I'm struggling because I feel guilty for wanting to leave my alcoholic husband. He's been a good provider and a good father, but he hasn't been such a good partner. In the year that I've been sober, I've told him about the pain and emptiness I've felt. He tells me I'm crazy. In recovery, without him, my life is blossoming. I've come to realize that I'm not going to get what I want out of life with a partner whose main interest is drinking, who isn't willing to grow along spiritual lines, and who won't acknowledge my recovery.

On the one hand, my inner voice tells me that a really sweet life awaits if I continue to grow along spiritual lines and embrace my program. On the other hand, I feel self indulgent for wanting something different. I feel scared that I'm not strong enough to be successful on my own. I feel guilty for hurting him and the kids.

Fear and guilt are strong! Yesterday, they prevented me from doing the next right thing. I felt bad yesterday when I wanted to do something nice for myself - but chose instead to hang back. I know that when I cultivate peace and serenity I feel joyous, happy and free. By heeding my guilt and fear instead, and hanging behind, I cultivated frustration, anger, and a deep sense of being stuck. I cried a little. I woke up feeling empty. I've spent the first half of the day feeling frustrated.

It's such an deeply ingrained habit for me to feel frustrated or scared... It's what's easy for me. But dwelling on that is going to lead to the same results - malaise, depression, sadness, frustration, and ultimately, drinking. I'm going to ask my higher power (whom or what ever that is) to show me how to feel brave instead.

Any advice on what BRAVE looks like?!

dandylion

gleefan.....LOL! I think you might be looking for the wrong thing. You are looking to FEEL BRAVE.
Many people who do acts of courage....were NOT feeling brave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They were scared...but, faced their fears head on...and did the next "right thing".

To me, bravery is powering through your fears and doing what needs to be done....

dandylion

SparkleKitty

You deserve to have a good partner. Don't condemn yourself to something that doesn't make you happy. Life isn't long enough for that.

thousandwords53

I think being brave is DOING what you KNOW you need to do. And ignoring what you THINK is right for the other person/the easy way/what's known.

I also think being brave is a past tense acknowledgment. Like Dandy said, you don't start out doing something brave, being brave is what you've done.

happybeingme

Glee, you ARE brave! You made it a year. Despite the odds you are part of a very elite club. The 5% club. You made it a year sober while having an active drinker in your home. You are awesome!

Now I generally don't like sayings but I agree with this one and I think it is appropriate.

God's gift to you is your life. What you do with it is your gift to God.

Do you really think God wants you to hold back and be less than your full potential?

IWLSAST

Glee, you are for sure a “recovery” kindred spirit in many ways. I knew you were going to search for “suggestions” in the forum today after the miserable weekend that you must have been subjected to.

I agree that bravery can be spawned by fear. You are soooo far from a ground zero in showing bravery in your journey thus far.

As I recall, your journey started from a fear of dying. You became willing to do whatever it took not drink. After some uncomfortable times you realized that this “recovery” thing, not just sobriety offered peace and serenity with many days being joyous, happy and free.

Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually when that happens?

SoberLeigh

Glee, look in the mirror - ah, there you go!!!!!

numa729

You know what is right, focus on that no matter how it makes you feel.

gleefan

I really value the great advice and wise perspectives in this part of SR. Thanks everyone. I've been blessed with many aha moments lately that have resulted in healing of long held misconceptions. I had another one of my healing epiphanies, as I've begun to refer to them, after reading the suggestions on this thread.

Carlos, you are definitely a kindred spirit, and we are so fortunate to have witnessed deep healing in each other. Your suggestion above is spot on.

In recovery I have been able to admit to myself and others that in active addiction I settled for relationships where my needs and interests didn't matter. I'm a fairly confident and successful person in my own right, but it occurred to me that in my marriage I've been stuck in this pattern where I acknowledge what's wrong - but haven't fully taken the responsibility to take care of myself. Breaking out of that enmeshment is what's going to set me free.

As I was driving to work I had a huge panic attack. I'm thankful for my recovery because I was able to use a powerful tool: I handed my anxiety, stress, and worry over to a higher power that I'm not particularly well acquainted with. I told him/her/them that I needed to share my problems with them and just like that, the a anxiety that was building inside of me gave way to peace and comfort. I can keep doing that moment by moment.

Thanks everyone!! Make it a great day!!

hopeful4

Glee...so very proud of you and who you have become!!!

XXX

CodeJob

Hello Glee,

I think your quote at the bottom is part of your answer. Brave is a journey of doing the next right thing.

Have you seen the movie 'Brave'? I like the will-o-wisps leading her along in several scenes. I think it is wise to keep following the path that makes you light and happy.

NYCDoglvr

I simply act as if I'm brave. Figure out what a brave person would do in this instance and do that. It works.

firebolt

Courage and bravery always seem similar to me, so

I always loved this:

'Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.' -John Wayne