I really value the great advice and wise perspectives in this part of SR. Thanks everyone. I've been blessed with many aha moments lately that have resulted in healing of long held misconceptions. I had another one of my healing epiphanies, as I've begun to refer to them, after reading the suggestions on this thread.
Originally Posted by
IWLSAST 
this “recovery” [...] offered peace and serenity with many days being joyous, happy and free. Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually when that happens?
Carlos, you are definitely a kindred spirit, and we are so fortunate to have witnessed deep healing in each other. Your suggestion above is spot on.
In recovery I have been able to admit to myself and others that in active addiction I settled for relationships where my needs and interests didn't matter. I'm a fairly confident and successful person in my own right, but it occurred to me that in my marriage I've been stuck in this pattern where I acknowledge what's wrong - but haven't fully taken the responsibility to take care of myself. Breaking out of that enmeshment is what's going to set me free.
As I was driving to work I had a huge panic attack. I'm thankful for my recovery because I was able to use a powerful tool: I handed my anxiety, stress, and worry over to a higher power that I'm not particularly well acquainted with. I told him/her/them that I needed to share my problems with them and just like that, the a anxiety that was building inside of me gave way to peace and comfort. I can keep doing that moment by moment.
Thanks everyone!! Make it a great day!!