JKSGRL

Just an update....found out through his best friend and mom that he was arrested and will likely be in jail for at least 3-6 months. Blessing in disguise for sure, now he can dry out and hopefully learn some valuable lessons. In the meanwhile it certainly helps me to keep moving forward and heal!

hopeful4

They tend to hang themselves without any help from anyone......

JKSGRL

He just tried calling me from jail, I did not accept the call. I mean, really, I have said and done all I can. I do know better, I know it's likely he was just calling to ask me to help him out in some way. No thank you! And believe me I'm not doing it because I don't love him anymore, I do love him, I'm just finally learning to love myself more plus I really feel this is the best place for him, he wasn't going to stop drinking on his own!

MrsVain

even when you are NOT texting him, you are his enabler. either way, he is USING you. if he tells you he is going to do something stupid, he is using your good heartedness and hoping you will stop him by giving him money. if you dont answer, then it is YOUR fault he had to steal stuff to pawn to get money....either way you do not win AND this is NOT THE ACTIONS of someone who loves you.

plus he is just trying to make you feel guilty and hurt you. i dont know why they do this, only because they feel guilty and hurt or feel bad, they have to make sure YOU feel bad too. misery loves company. as long as you are in the picture, he has an excuse and someone to blame.

you CAN NOT fix him. stop letting him manipulate you. i saw a post once that said "Dont ask someone WHY they keep hurting you, ask yourself WHY you keep letting them". You are letting him hurt you over and over. He knows you are a good person so he uses that against you to get what he wants. Be strong.

i am glad that you blocked him. i hope you blocked him on facebook and everywhere else. The longer he cant get to you, the more crazier his methods will be to get to you. it will be hard to stay silent. But it will be better for you in the end. depending on how sick he is, he might just tell you that he is going to kill himself. and there you go, talking to him, trying to help him out of it. how will you feel if you talk to him all day and he still ends up killing himself? you will feel really bad. think of that the next time he tries to pull you into his crazy.

it is the hardest thing to do, standing back and watching the person you love make bad decisions and throw their lives away. There is NOTHING you can do. nothing you can say, nothing you can do, nothing in the world will stop him. He does not care. he does not love you enough to do the right thing. he has no feeling and no ability to do what is needed to protect you and keep YOU safe, he cant even do it for himself.

take care of yourself. it is going to be a long hard road. you just took the first or second step. your heart will try to convince your head there is SOMETHING you can do. if he was a normal person, it MIGHT be possible. BUT he is NOT normal, he is broken, and damaged. Do not let him take you down with him... it is hard and very painful. but doing the hard time NOW by cleansing and purging him out of your system NOW is better then anything the future has with him. unfortunately, no matter HOW much you love him, he is a poison, a cancer to your health and your future.

i wish i could make it easier but all i can do is warn you that it will get harder. But if you stick with it, if you stay No Contact. One day, a year or two from now, you will be BETTER.... he will not.

atalose

I know that not answering his phone call took a lot of courage and strength, and you did it!!!

(((hugs)))

JKSGRL

Mrs. Vain I happened to come back to this page at the right time apparently, it's crazy how that happens! I believe more so every day that if we just listen the right advice will find us at the right time! THANK YOU!

His parents bailed him out today and he used his parents phone to try to contact me, I’ve been flooded with texts and calls, demanding that I come see him, that he is lost without me and needs me, that he will do anything to change for me. I know this is BS, heard it a million and one times so it’s just noise, but I was floored that they would bail him out. It was exactly what he needed to step away from the destruction or at least from hurting those that love him for a while, to face his responsibilities and pay the consequences of his mistakes. I know I can't fix it, I know jail probably wasn't going to fix it but it seemed to be a god send, a temporary fix so that I could get on with it so much easier and some of the issues could be resolved for him and his family.

I still have no desire to go back to that relationship but it certainly put me in a funk today! I have been over the moon happy and productive, moving on and so elated that I could do so with him locked away for a while and now this.

Why in the world would his parents do such a thing?! All he does is mooch off of them, sitting in his own **** and vomit, drinking himself to death, sucking them dry of finances, getting deeper and deeper into his addiction. I do not understand....I know I can't begin to understand what it means to love a child and the lengths parents will go to help them, but how does bailing him out right now help him or them?

You are right, I have to ask myself why do I keep ALLOWING him to hurt me like this over and over again, even if I don’t speak to him, I still allow it to affect me. That's what I'm trying to figure out in therapy. I cannot let this defeat me, I cannot let this deter me from my progress. Luckily he is 1500 miles away without a cent to his name so I am not afraid of him coming after me and I haven't had Facebook for a couple years now, seems toxic to me and he was the initial reason I believed that and went off of it, so now I guess I have to block his parents number as well. I feel a little bad about that, only because his parents and I have developed a nice relationship but I need to remove all of it from my life to keep moving forward, plus obviously they don’t really have respect for my need to move on if they let him use their phone to contact me. In many ways I believe they want to pawn him off on me, but in others I think they are just so co-dependent on him and don’t know what to do without him. I want nothing to do with the sickness these people are dealing with. I can sympathize and I can send them positive thoughts from a distance, but that’s it! I have had enough! I am disappointed that I slipped back into frustration, sadness and stress because of it, but no more feeling sorry for myself or for him or his family. Gosh how in the world did I ever even get into such a situation in the first place?! You think you are helping someone out and then…..anyways moving forward again!

Thanks again Mrs. V!