SparkleKitty

I'm worried about your insistence that you "cannot fail at this". There are no relationship medals, no perfect 10 to strive for. People work out or they don't and there is no shame in admitting two people want different things or aren't compatible.

Relationships are a two-way street. Right now it's like you're hanging on to his rear bumper with your fingernails as he skyrockets in the opposite direction you want to go, telling yourself you'll "fail" if you don't hang on, as if you have any control over what's happening in your relationship. And all the while you're teaching him exactly how much crap you will put up with.

If we don't let go, we get dragged.

blossom1

Hi
im not sure how to post a new thread on here? so just replying to the first one i started, noy sure where to start, im still there and much is the same as before but i feel like ive had enough, why lie to m =e all the time? we have talked sooo many times and what??? tonight he went out after work for a pint after telling me he was skint on monday and bought him fags and food for packed lunches and he going to pub!!! and then i am one with problem coz i bring it up.

Gonnachange

Along with other posters, SparkleKitty has a lot of wisdom in the last post before your most recent one. Play this forward; do you have any reasonable expectation that he is going to change? If not, and I suspect that is the case, why are you going to deny yourself a lifetime of happiness?

Just for emphasis: Relationships are a two way street!

On a lighter note, to answer your question about a new thread, go to the F and F of A's forum and under the dropdown box named Forum Tools there will be a choice for New Thread. Click it, name it, and post away.

ladyscribbler

He doesn't have a problem with his behavior. He gets money for smokes, free food, packed lunches taken care of and he's free to spend his money on booze. What incentive does he have to change if he keeps getting a free ride?
Yes he is taking advantage of you. But you are allowing it. You can't change his behavior, but you can make different choices for yourself. You deserve more from a relationship than this.

SparkleKitty

Yeah, sadly, that's about the size of it. You have a problem with his behavior and his drinking, and he doesn't.

That's the reality. Those are the facts. You don't have to accept them, but I'm not sure how things can ever get better for you until you do. I'm sorry you're still hurting and still feeling stuck. This is a good place to come and work through what's going on in your head. Sending you strength and support.