Feeling exhausted with FOO
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
Feeling exhausted with FOO
I feel exhausted with much of the drama. It's tiring. It seems like a waste of my energy. My counselor seemed to try and convince me to invite one of my siblings to sit and talk with me. The sibling has already said he'll only spend time with me and wants to exclude my wife and wants to find a middle ground. That just doesn't work for me. What is left to discuss? What could that "middle ground" be that would ever work for me if it includes disrespecting my wife - excluding her, etc?
Just about every time I reach out to invite a toxic FOO member to communicate/resolve, I get my hand bit or receive a nasty reply. Why do people get all bent out of shape with blood relatives. Like no matter what they do or how they've behaved, I'm still supposed to be the one reaching out. Let them know the doors open. Let them know I want them in my life. It's like they get this free pass to be utterly horrible to me, while my recovery has me singing a different tune. I know that responding with nastiness will just hurt inside, so I don't do it.
But, it also feels like WHEN can I just say I'm tired of being the punching bag and walk away? Why can't I just leave it at that? IF this sibling wants to approach me again to signify an intent to honor my boundaries, then I would be willing. Otherwise, no thanks.
Are others exhausted too with the crazy? with the abuse? with the LACK of accepting responsibility? Just a bunch of judgment and blame.
Just about every time I reach out to invite a toxic FOO member to communicate/resolve, I get my hand bit or receive a nasty reply. Why do people get all bent out of shape with blood relatives. Like no matter what they do or how they've behaved, I'm still supposed to be the one reaching out. Let them know the doors open. Let them know I want them in my life. It's like they get this free pass to be utterly horrible to me, while my recovery has me singing a different tune. I know that responding with nastiness will just hurt inside, so I don't do it.
But, it also feels like WHEN can I just say I'm tired of being the punching bag and walk away? Why can't I just leave it at that? IF this sibling wants to approach me again to signify an intent to honor my boundaries, then I would be willing. Otherwise, no thanks.
Are others exhausted too with the crazy? with the abuse? with the LACK of accepting responsibility? Just a bunch of judgment and blame.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
You can be done any time. If your counselor has an agenda that makes you feel guilty about that? Time for a new counselor, thotful!
If however, this turmoil is coming from inside YOU, and you are the one unwilling to stop trying, then you need to explore that. I know with my mom I wasted a lot of years trying to win some argument she didn't even understand we were having. I wanted to be RIGHT more than I wanted to be at PEACE.
I let go of the need to have my boundaries validated, and peace was on the other side of that decision.
If however, this turmoil is coming from inside YOU, and you are the one unwilling to stop trying, then you need to explore that. I know with my mom I wasted a lot of years trying to win some argument she didn't even understand we were having. I wanted to be RIGHT more than I wanted to be at PEACE.
I let go of the need to have my boundaries validated, and peace was on the other side of that decision.
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