OT - Need pointers
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OT - Need pointers
on how to get through to my 10yo about in-app purchases on the iPod and related digital content type stuff (because I know there are options to do the same on the xBox, etc.) and lying.
It's a VERY good thing that I logged into my bank account during lunch rather than at home, because I AM HOT. So far there are a total of 3 purchases. The first one showed up last night for $20. I spoke to DS about it told him it wasn't appropriate to spend money without asking and explained that those "bag of gold" things on the game cost money. I then locked down the in-app purchase function and asked him if anymore would come across. To which he answered 'No'. The next 2 were $50 each and showed up today. There could be more coming, because it seems to me that iTunes is a bit slow on the delivery of confirmation of purchases.
I completely get that I'm triggered by DS's lying and unapproved purchases and my own failure to lock down the in-app purchase function on the iPod. I understand that the way-out-of-proportion level of anger that I'm currently feeling involves all the back-history cr-p of AXH spending all our money and then lying about it, which resulted in utility shut offs.... What I would really appreciate is pointers on how to approach this with DS after I calm down. Because, apparently our talk last night didn't go as I thought since he lied about the additional purchases.
He lost his last gift card from Christmas to cover the $20. After these last 2 purchases, he's losing access to my iPod and iPad for a while... possibly the xBox, too; I haven't decided for how long yet. He doesn't get paid an allowance for his chores, so I can't take that away.
I don't want to come across as angry and accusatory when I talk with him; and I'm trying to tell my completely off-base little worry about him turning into a liar like his dad to shut up. Because he's NOT like his dad, and I truly don't think he understood that "real" money was involved. (Heck some adults don't understand buying on credit or checking accounts.) But this is serious. And his $120 purchase means a shortage in our budget.
Kids tend to need fairly concrete examples rather than abstract ideas.... So, any ideas on how to explain this $ and lying issue in a kid-appropriate, non-accusatory manner? Thanks!
It's a VERY good thing that I logged into my bank account during lunch rather than at home, because I AM HOT. So far there are a total of 3 purchases. The first one showed up last night for $20. I spoke to DS about it told him it wasn't appropriate to spend money without asking and explained that those "bag of gold" things on the game cost money. I then locked down the in-app purchase function and asked him if anymore would come across. To which he answered 'No'. The next 2 were $50 each and showed up today. There could be more coming, because it seems to me that iTunes is a bit slow on the delivery of confirmation of purchases.
I completely get that I'm triggered by DS's lying and unapproved purchases and my own failure to lock down the in-app purchase function on the iPod. I understand that the way-out-of-proportion level of anger that I'm currently feeling involves all the back-history cr-p of AXH spending all our money and then lying about it, which resulted in utility shut offs.... What I would really appreciate is pointers on how to approach this with DS after I calm down. Because, apparently our talk last night didn't go as I thought since he lied about the additional purchases.
He lost his last gift card from Christmas to cover the $20. After these last 2 purchases, he's losing access to my iPod and iPad for a while... possibly the xBox, too; I haven't decided for how long yet. He doesn't get paid an allowance for his chores, so I can't take that away.
I don't want to come across as angry and accusatory when I talk with him; and I'm trying to tell my completely off-base little worry about him turning into a liar like his dad to shut up. Because he's NOT like his dad, and I truly don't think he understood that "real" money was involved. (Heck some adults don't understand buying on credit or checking accounts.) But this is serious. And his $120 purchase means a shortage in our budget.
Kids tend to need fairly concrete examples rather than abstract ideas.... So, any ideas on how to explain this $ and lying issue in a kid-appropriate, non-accusatory manner? Thanks!
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Join Date: May 2010
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My daughter just went over in data on her phone this month. Cost was $15. I set up a list of things she could do to work it off with prices attached to each one. This was not her normal chores around the house stuff. She was not allowed access to her phone until the $15 was worked off.
I think she understands quite well without me saying another word. She has been monitoring her data every day now to make sure she is not going over.
I also do not allow my account to be linked up to their devices. They get iTunes cards or prepaid cards for that. When it runs out, it runs out.
Good luck to you!
I think she understands quite well without me saying another word. She has been monitoring her data every day now to make sure she is not going over.
I also do not allow my account to be linked up to their devices. They get iTunes cards or prepaid cards for that. When it runs out, it runs out.
Good luck to you!
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He may not have realized there were separate purchases coming through. Here's an article about how to get a refund from Apple for these (apparently it happens a LOT): How to get an App Store refund for kids' accidental in-app purchases | Macworld.
I'd give him a chance to explain his failure to tell you about the other purchases. You can also explain that you will request a refund, but that it can only happen this one time and if it ever happens again you probably can't get a refund and there will be more severe consequences.
And even if he was just afraid to tell you about the other purchases, you can explain to him that something that's an accident can be worked out, but that intentional lying gets a punishment. Maybe restrict usage for a week or so--for a 10 y/o it will seem like FOREVER.
I'd give him a chance to explain his failure to tell you about the other purchases. You can also explain that you will request a refund, but that it can only happen this one time and if it ever happens again you probably can't get a refund and there will be more severe consequences.
And even if he was just afraid to tell you about the other purchases, you can explain to him that something that's an accident can be worked out, but that intentional lying gets a punishment. Maybe restrict usage for a week or so--for a 10 y/o it will seem like FOREVER.
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You could have him work it off or if he was expecting some outing or item you could cancel it, explaining that the money went for the downloads instead.
Under age 13yo and there is no way my kids have the impulse control to not make purchases, especially one of them. It is all password protected - even the free stuff. Only added that so you get more assurance that it is kind of typical kid behavior, at least in my house. Also - I agree with lexi about talking about fixing a problem versus not telling the truth - always a good lesson.
I understand the out of proportion response. I even had some of that last night in real time between my two kids. I was furious with one for not doing chores (was trying to ignore and follow through with the consequence instead of lecture etc) but I was obviously failing miserably because I then blew up at another kid for hardly anything at all. He got all the frustration I was holding onto over his brother - and the fact that he was in CONSTANT motion and sound all day/night - not really naughty but just at level 100 so I was on the edge! LOL What a mess I had to go back and fix. Mama is exhausted and overwhelmed and it is showing. :/
Under age 13yo and there is no way my kids have the impulse control to not make purchases, especially one of them. It is all password protected - even the free stuff. Only added that so you get more assurance that it is kind of typical kid behavior, at least in my house. Also - I agree with lexi about talking about fixing a problem versus not telling the truth - always a good lesson.
I understand the out of proportion response. I even had some of that last night in real time between my two kids. I was furious with one for not doing chores (was trying to ignore and follow through with the consequence instead of lecture etc) but I was obviously failing miserably because I then blew up at another kid for hardly anything at all. He got all the frustration I was holding onto over his brother - and the fact that he was in CONSTANT motion and sound all day/night - not really naughty but just at level 100 so I was on the edge! LOL What a mess I had to go back and fix. Mama is exhausted and overwhelmed and it is showing. :/
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Thanks, guys. I spoke with DS about it, accidents and mistakes being easier to deal with than omissions; consequences have been laid out and explained. The talk went well. No crying or yelling from either of us. DS said he understands and I'm trying to let it go now. Honestly, I'm finding it really hard to do, because he said he understood before... This time, though, he looked at me instead of down, so I feel a little better.
Man, I just didn't pay any attention to the settings. I should have. I'll be using this week to revisit the settings for both the iTunes and xBox accounts. The idea about using gift cards for his stuff sounds excellent.
Man, I just didn't pay any attention to the settings. I should have. I'll be using this week to revisit the settings for both the iTunes and xBox accounts. The idea about using gift cards for his stuff sounds excellent.
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I think HALT definitely played into my reaction. I'm angry about AXH's latest round of dodging CS and exhausted. The past few weekends, I've had things to do (social); and while fun, I still didn't get the time I need time to just be. I'm planning on a quiet nothing this weekend.
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When my DS15 was this age we fought about the video games constantly. Finally it came to a point where he wasn't allowed on them with my express permission.
Other thing you can do? Change the wireless password/hide the router. After I did that a few times, DS knew I meant business.
Other thing you can do? Change the wireless password/hide the router. After I did that a few times, DS knew I meant business.
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There's no way a 10yo has a real comprehension about in app purchases, but you've acted wisely to block any future chance and impose a small penalty for the current costs. I'm horrified that any adult would spend on these games, but I wish I'd thought of the idea.
Well before the ubiquitous internet, my 16yo son called the Penthouse sex line on my landline, spent no more than a couple of minutes on the phone, and it cost me $50. Which I made him pay back. Very funny story for his 21st.
Well before the ubiquitous internet, my 16yo son called the Penthouse sex line on my landline, spent no more than a couple of minutes on the phone, and it cost me $50. Which I made him pay back. Very funny story for his 21st.
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I saw a Facebook post yesterday that looked like this (she changes the password to the WiFi every day)
For Today's WiFi password you will need to do the following:
She then listed out the chores for that day.
I think this is brilliant and am thinking about implementing this in my house!
For Today's WiFi password you will need to do the following:
She then listed out the chores for that day.
I think this is brilliant and am thinking about implementing this in my house!
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Wifi password change is a great idea, Florence, and that daily change idea is awesome, Hopeful. I may have to do the same. 
I even have a chalkboard decal on my wall that I've been trying to figure out why I bought it (pretty though it is); that daily list would be an excellent use.
Florence, I loved the Fresh Prince show. I had no idea they had a hotline. I probably would have tried to sneak in a call in the hopes of getting to talk to Will Smith. LOL
FeelingGreat, I'm not anywhere ready to think about DS even thinking about penthouse stuff yet.
I'm sure I'll be back to ask for help on that topic, too.
I even have a chalkboard decal on my wall that I've been trying to figure out why I bought it (pretty though it is); that daily list would be an excellent use.Florence, I loved the Fresh Prince show. I had no idea they had a hotline. I probably would have tried to sneak in a call in the hopes of getting to talk to Will Smith. LOL
FeelingGreat, I'm not anywhere ready to think about DS even thinking about penthouse stuff yet.
I'm sure I'll be back to ask for help on that topic, too.
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