Nervous and Scared

Old 02-25-2015, 06:43 AM
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Nervous and Scared

Since my ABF has fallen off the wagon again, I have been watching over him and trying to keep him entertained so he doesn't drink. Now, I KNOW its not my responsibility to do this, but until I start my Al-Anon and counseling I don't have it in me to fight about him being drunk so this is just easier.

Tonight I have college classes and tomorrow I have my first Al-Anon meeting. I am SUPER nervous and terrified that since I am not going to be home he is going to drink himself stupid. Tomorrow he is off work, and he has to travel out of town to take care of some paperwork and I fear that if it doesn't go well he is going to drink. I am going to tell him to pack his work clothes so he can drive from there to work (about an hour trip) instead of attempting to come home. He is fortunately not to the point yet where he will drink and drive.

I am literally terrified of leaving him alone and I am equally as terrified and nervous about tomorrow. I am considering skipping classes tonight so I can keep the peace in my house one more day.
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Old 02-25-2015, 06:51 AM
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I understand the urge to "prevent him from drinking" -- but honestly, all you're doing by skipping classes is shooting yourself in the foot.

What is the worst thing that can happen if he drinks tonight? He will drink and get drunk. Even if you feel like that's a horrible thing, changing your plans may not change his.

Of course, if you feel that staying home and trying to stop him from drinking is a more important thing than classes and Al-Anon, that's your choice. But thinking about it a little more long-term than just for today, I think taking care of yourself may be better.

You may be able to stop him from drinking right now, but you have no guarantees that it will work. And you can't be his babysitter without giving up your life. Is it worth that?
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Old 02-25-2015, 06:52 AM
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Sweetie, of course he is going to drink, he's an active alcoholic. You're not responsible if he does or doesn't. I can't imagine the stress you are putting on yourself trying to control a situation that isn't controllable.

What if he has to go to the bathroom while your're busy "entertaining" him? What if he slips out to the garage? What if... Do you see how futile this is?

So lets say he does drink. What can you do to not be a part of it? One of the last times my AH was living at home and was clearly drunk, I spent the remainder of that time in my room reading and watching tv. I let him go be drunk by himself in the living room.

You don't have to be around it; you don't have to pick up the mess he creates while he is drunk; you really don't have to babysit and put those sorts of pressures on yourself and keep repeating the cycle.

I'm glad you have alanon and counseling coming up. It will help you start sorting thru all these feelings. It's a long and painful road to our own recovery.

Big hugs.
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Old 02-25-2015, 07:00 AM
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You are right about skipping classes. Its not going to help me one bit.

I have been leaving him alone when he has been drinking the last few times. I didn't leave the house I just went upstairs and did my homework, leaving him in the living room. I don't follow him around and such, unless he is holed up in the bathroom because I refuse to leave my own home to use the toilet (like I have done in the past). He has been known to leave the stove or oven on and once he left the front door open and my cats got out. I came home from a fun day of me time and I had to spend the whole night wrangling up kitties. The day he left the stove on my neighbor called me when I was school because she could hear the smoke alarm going off.I flew home, and when I got there he was passed out on the couch, house full of smoke. I know its not my job to keep him from drinking, but his track record for putting my home and my belongings at risk is not good.

I am excited to start Al-Anon. It wil be nice to not feel so alone in the struggle.
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