seasaw

Option C: tell your dad you're taking a break to focus on yourself for a little while, turn your phone off, and read that book (Codependence No More) and let your father deal with his own life for a week or two. Come back to the situation feeling a little rested and refreshed.

I ran around scrambling to rescue my lying, alcoholic, pill-abusing mom who had cancer, various other medical conditions, and a personality disorder, for a couple years before I said enough was enough - before I realized my fear of losing her or not having done enough was outweighed by plain common sense.

Cut yourself some slack!! Do you take days off from this or is it all day every day for him AND you?

pilot35

so, he confessed to me today that he drank the first night he got home. At that point, I said, well, your first love is the bottle, not even your own family who tries to support you and loves you. Until then, good bye.

I feel like maybe I was a little rash with him and I should accept the fact that he can still try again?

LexieCat

He can try as many times as he wants to, so long as his body (and mind) hold up. You've probably done all YOU can, though. Short of having him involuntarily committed (which is a difficult process and would probably not inspire any lasting desire to change), you must accept that this is how he chooses to live. You aren't obligated to go through the agony of watching him do it.

Hugs,

pilot35

Why do I feel so guilty for not talking to him and wanting him like dead

LexieCat

Well, I doubt that you literally "want him dead," but I can sure see that as looking preferable to the slow suicide he's engaged in.

I think it's harder to walk away from a parent (or a child) than it is a partner. There's so much of a sense that we are OBLIGATED to not "abandon" them. The thing is, it doesn't appear that he wants your help right now. If it is making you sick to watch this self-destruction, you can tell him that when he's ready to accept help you'll be there to help him, but otherwise he is on his own.

I'm so sorry you're in this position.