Hopeworks

Your A is at best abstinent from alcohol (if true) and many of the pills given out to As mimic the effects of alcohol on the same part of the brain.

Abstinence is not recovery and this behavior is not uncommon when the A see's the ship sailing on without him at the helm. Can it be a start? There is always hope and we that care for A's do want to hang onto to those threads when they appear.

I agree with the other posters ... you have an opportunity to go through with an uncomplicated divorce that places that child in your care and control and that is a safety issue and for your peace of mind. Getting divorced is usually HARD but marriage is easy and if he morphs into Prince Charming you can always say I DO and remarry someday when you KNOW that he is in authentic recovery for a sustained long term period.

And true recovery deals with character defects which it sounds like he has plenty to keep him busy if he gets busy!

White knuckling doesn't ever work...if its not recovery it usually isn't long before they get real thirsty.... as the saying goes "more will be revealed".

lillamy

Why? I'm not being nasty, I promise -- but if you're in the process of divorcing him, why do you choose to hang out with him almost every night?

jarp

I'm concerned by the posters here that are suggesting the fact that your AH is taking prescribed medication for his mental health issues means he has 'swapped' his addictions, or is substituting.

Many alcoholics do have mental health issues. I really don't think it is for us to assume that because they may be addressing these issues, which includes medication, is automatically the wrong path.

I know one or two classes of meds use the same receptor sites in the brain as alcohol. Guava hasn't said which medication her AH is on.

I don't know whether guavas ah is serious on out recovery or not....but I'd hate others posters to take seriously this potentially dangerous medical advice!

Hawks

My therapist told me if he had cancer and needed treatment for an hour a day for 3 months he'd find a way to be there. That put it into perspective for me.

Smart therapist.

My sponsor told me that when I needed some perspective on doing what needs to be done to combat alcoholism.

You wanna chippy around with this or you wanna treat it like a life threatening illness?

Suddenly my excuses for not going at the AA program melted into insignificance.

Hammer

Just another perspective.

Your Program is sounding FINE.

His Program . . . may vary.

Soooo . . . I would say Keep Doing What YOU Are Doing in YOUR Program.

Get Well, Soon.

guava

Thanks for the book recommendation, Chantal, - I'd actually done a little reading about CRAFT before things got to this point but I will look into it again.


Valid question, not sure it's the right choice or best choice but its the one I went with. Its a mix of factors, my son wanting to spend as much time as possible with Daddy but at the same time I was scared to allow that to happen without supervision. I felt this kept a sense of normalcy for my son, allowed them time together, but still provided a level of security so I knew he was safe. Clearly not ideal and an area I need to look at going forward.


In regards to "the pills" - I actually don't view that as a substitute for alcohol. In fact I kind of listed that as a positive. He was prescribed Paxil for depression and anxiety. I do think certain people may need prescriptions to balance things out. It's what he and his doctor decided was necessary and I'm going to respect that but am always interested to hear other viewpoints/experiences.


I'm so glad this place is here.