DavinaD

I am so frustrated with myself! Split from my AH almost 4 months ago, after a lot of drama I was starting to do much better, getting on with my life, taking care of my kids, enjoying the peace- when my ex calls me up, asking what I want him to do? Will I take him back if he stops drinking for good? I don't know if I could ever go back (I caught him off his face on top of my friend, which was the catalyst for the split), but I said if he would get help, get his issues sorted with professional help & stay sober for 6 months, then maybe we could try marriage guidance or something, but that I couldn't make any promises. Then I spent nearly a week in a complete state, wondering if he was going to stop drinking, imagining what our lives could have been like if he didn't drink. I was depressed and crying a lot , my family and friends were panicking that I might take him straight back (I wouldn't) ...but after all this , I spoke to my ex on the phone today and he's drinking! I am so so angry with myself for letting him floor me emotionally like that, when I know it is all just hot air. argh!!!

lillamy

Hope is a difficult thing to have when you're dealing with an alcoholic, Davina...

I know we use the word "detach" an awful lot around here, but it really helped me a lot when I could let go of my then-husband's doings and focus on myself.

You could choose to look at it this way: If you focus on yourself, take care of yourself, talk to a therapist or go to Al-Anon, start rebuilding your life without him... and he gets sober... you haven't lost anything! There's only winning with focusing on yourself and your recovery from your alcoholic marriage!

And psst: Beating yourself up for believing him for a minute is rude to yourself. Treat yourself like you would your best friend. Tell yourself: "OK, so you believed he would do it. And he didn't. Now you know."

(((hugs))))

DavinaD

Thank you :-) Am back on track now I think. I think he does want to stop drinking sometimes but not always :-/ ...onwards & upwards !