Well, I snapped....and it wasn't pretty. Deserved, but not pretty.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Well, I snapped....and it wasn't pretty. Deserved, but not pretty.
He texted me again after texting last night and me not responding. And THEN, he tried to call me 2x's. Pushing that envelope until it can't be pushed anymore.
He told me that he quit drinking (HAHAHA, LIAR!) and misses me and my daughter and thought that would make me happy to hear. He proceeded into one of his 'whoa is me' dramatics and I freakin' lost it.
I KNOW I should have been the bigger person and not responded, but I've HAD IT! Don't DARE bring my daughter into it and tell me you miss her after walking out on us! Screw with me, fine. Screw with my kids...you're DONE. He left destruction in his wake and to have the GALL to tell me that he misses us after all of this, just NO. NO, NO, NO!!!!
Call me naive, but I don't think I'll be hearing from him again after how badly I just laid into him. I'm DONE. I am DONE hearing his sobbing, feel sorry for meeeeee, I'm so miserable, yet I won't do a thing to help myself and I'll take innocent people down in the process BS. DONE! I've been ANGRY since the text last night and I knew it was going to come out one way or another. He mentioned my daughter and, well, out it came. Hard.
I told him to get up off his AZZ, stop being such a coward and straighten his life out because I don't want to hear it anymore. I told him that if he wants to play the sad little alcoholic victim for his entire life, fine, but don't take innocent people down with him. I told him he makes me SICK and I've never known a bigger coward in all of my life. I went on to tell him that he had better NEVER text me, call me or attempt to contact me again, EVER, and that him leaving was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and I was just sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. There were a lot more choice things and words that came out, but I'll spare all of you from the rest of the venom that just came spitting out.
And you know what, maybe I'm a bad person for not staying no contact and not eating all of the pain that I've felt, but I don't care. The anger was festering inside of me and why the heck do I have to keep it all bottled up while he sits there thinking that he can tell me he stopped drinking for the 885th time and continue to contact me, playing the victim, after I've told him not to numerous times. He is NOT a d@mn VICTIM! He's an immature, childish, irresponsible alcoholic that won't get off his rear end and DO SOMETHING to get his life together instead of sitting there, bottle in hand, crying about how hard life is and how MEANNNNN everyone is to him. No, sorry, NO!! Sell it to someone else because I'm not buying it anymore. Drop off the face of the earth.
Do I feel better after what I just did? Honestly? Yes, I do. I feel better than I've felt since this all happened. I feel GREAT actually. I've sucked up his CR@P for over 2 years now and just handed it all back to him. YOU KEEP IT NOW!
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Forgive me God, I tried so hard to let it all go and keep my mouth shut, but he wouldn't allow it. He just had to keep poking, prodding and pushing me. Well, sometimes people get pushed just a little too far.
Maybe not one of my most stellar moments as a human being, but wow did it feel good to get it off of my chest. Sick and tired of handling the poor little drunk with kid gloves. SICK OF IT!! I realize he has a problem, but you know what, so do a lot of us.
I think that'll be the end of him contacting me. At least if he's smart it will.
He told me that he quit drinking (HAHAHA, LIAR!) and misses me and my daughter and thought that would make me happy to hear. He proceeded into one of his 'whoa is me' dramatics and I freakin' lost it.
I KNOW I should have been the bigger person and not responded, but I've HAD IT! Don't DARE bring my daughter into it and tell me you miss her after walking out on us! Screw with me, fine. Screw with my kids...you're DONE. He left destruction in his wake and to have the GALL to tell me that he misses us after all of this, just NO. NO, NO, NO!!!!
Call me naive, but I don't think I'll be hearing from him again after how badly I just laid into him. I'm DONE. I am DONE hearing his sobbing, feel sorry for meeeeee, I'm so miserable, yet I won't do a thing to help myself and I'll take innocent people down in the process BS. DONE! I've been ANGRY since the text last night and I knew it was going to come out one way or another. He mentioned my daughter and, well, out it came. Hard.
I told him to get up off his AZZ, stop being such a coward and straighten his life out because I don't want to hear it anymore. I told him that if he wants to play the sad little alcoholic victim for his entire life, fine, but don't take innocent people down with him. I told him he makes me SICK and I've never known a bigger coward in all of my life. I went on to tell him that he had better NEVER text me, call me or attempt to contact me again, EVER, and that him leaving was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and I was just sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. There were a lot more choice things and words that came out, but I'll spare all of you from the rest of the venom that just came spitting out.
And you know what, maybe I'm a bad person for not staying no contact and not eating all of the pain that I've felt, but I don't care. The anger was festering inside of me and why the heck do I have to keep it all bottled up while he sits there thinking that he can tell me he stopped drinking for the 885th time and continue to contact me, playing the victim, after I've told him not to numerous times. He is NOT a d@mn VICTIM! He's an immature, childish, irresponsible alcoholic that won't get off his rear end and DO SOMETHING to get his life together instead of sitting there, bottle in hand, crying about how hard life is and how MEANNNNN everyone is to him. No, sorry, NO!! Sell it to someone else because I'm not buying it anymore. Drop off the face of the earth.
Do I feel better after what I just did? Honestly? Yes, I do. I feel better than I've felt since this all happened. I feel GREAT actually. I've sucked up his CR@P for over 2 years now and just handed it all back to him. YOU KEEP IT NOW!
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Forgive me God, I tried so hard to let it all go and keep my mouth shut, but he wouldn't allow it. He just had to keep poking, prodding and pushing me. Well, sometimes people get pushed just a little too far.
Maybe not one of my most stellar moments as a human being, but wow did it feel good to get it off of my chest. Sick and tired of handling the poor little drunk with kid gloves. SICK OF IT!! I realize he has a problem, but you know what, so do a lot of us.
I think that'll be the end of him contacting me. At least if he's smart it will.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I hope it does FeelingGreat, because God knows that being supportive, caring, understanding and loyal to a fault certainly hasn't helped.
I will always care deeply about him, I'll never deny that. I loved that man with all that I had in me. I have, and will continue, to pray for him every single night before I go to sleep, but enough is enough. He needs to stand up and do something for himself here because it's really that bad and getting worse. He's going to end up dead if he doesn't make a d*mn move and I'm not going to be one of the many that helps walk him into his grave.
Sigh.
I will always care deeply about him, I'll never deny that. I loved that man with all that I had in me. I have, and will continue, to pray for him every single night before I go to sleep, but enough is enough. He needs to stand up and do something for himself here because it's really that bad and getting worse. He's going to end up dead if he doesn't make a d*mn move and I'm not going to be one of the many that helps walk him into his grave.
Sigh.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
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Can I have your autograph?
So many times I've dreamed of unleashing all of my thoughts. But no, I've been the ultimate stuffer. My seams have been splitting for some time now. Maybe one day...
So many times I've dreamed of unleashing all of my thoughts. But no, I've been the ultimate stuffer. My seams have been splitting for some time now. Maybe one day...
aboutdone
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midwest
Posts: 191
Well then. Lol.
IMHO, I totally get it. I'm on your side. BUT, and there is always a but, isn't there? His addiction needed fed, and he came to you, and you fed it. :/
How it works.
He is sitting around, thinking, because they actually do that sometimes, about you and daughter, and how he misses you. Right?
Addiction says it your fault.
Silence says its his to own.
It is really a no win situation, but he calls, because his addiction needs you to be mad. Needs you go off. By doing this, he can flip the switch and think, see, its her fault. Shes mad. She yells. She cusses. Drink up buddy, you did nothing wrong to deserve her acting like tgat.
Silence from you on the other hand, would have taken away his ability to instantly flip the switch of blame to you. He most likely would have still blamed you at some point but he would have had to put more thought in to it.
You did fine, Lord knows I cussed mine out, thousands of times. It can be cathartic for sure. But like Thumper says, he will call again. He absolutely will text, call, whatever. Next time he is feeling low or self reflecting and needing someone to blame, he will call you, hoping to pin it on you :/
IMHO, I totally get it. I'm on your side. BUT, and there is always a but, isn't there? His addiction needed fed, and he came to you, and you fed it. :/
How it works.
He is sitting around, thinking, because they actually do that sometimes, about you and daughter, and how he misses you. Right?
Addiction says it your fault.
Silence says its his to own.
It is really a no win situation, but he calls, because his addiction needs you to be mad. Needs you go off. By doing this, he can flip the switch and think, see, its her fault. Shes mad. She yells. She cusses. Drink up buddy, you did nothing wrong to deserve her acting like tgat.
Silence from you on the other hand, would have taken away his ability to instantly flip the switch of blame to you. He most likely would have still blamed you at some point but he would have had to put more thought in to it.
You did fine, Lord knows I cussed mine out, thousands of times. It can be cathartic for sure. But like Thumper says, he will call again. He absolutely will text, call, whatever. Next time he is feeling low or self reflecting and needing someone to blame, he will call you, hoping to pin it on you :/
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Flipped....this is a normal part of grieving. It is a step toward healing. Right now, the anger is very useful to you. Eventually, it will loose it's usefulness, and it will become easy to let this fade into history.
It is all on schedule.......
dandylion
It is all on schedule.......
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Aboutdone, you may be right, but I'm tired of owning the hurt and carrying it all on my shoulders.
If it makes him feel better to blame me, he can have at it and blame me all he wants. He knows what I've done, he knows who I am and he knows that I stood by him through hell and back again. He knows. I have no doubt about that.
I'll take the blame if he would just leave me the h*ll alone. If his addiction needs to be fed, and it does, he's going to feed it one way or another. He can feed it through his own actions and thoughts, or use my anger to feed it. Either way, it's getting fed and now, the weight of the pain, fear, hurt and anger that I've been shouldering for years is off of me. I carried the weight of our relationship. I'm not carrying the weight of our break-up alone too.
I've done everything I could to help him in every way possible. There is nothing I wouldn't, and haven't tried to, do for him. He needs to own his BS. He's coddled and told that he drinks because he's bored by his alcoholic family. I'm sorry, but I'm not falling into line with them in coddling and babying him anymore.
He needed to hear certain things. He's put me and my family through some tremendous pain and after keeping it bottled up and pushed down for so long, and him still continuing to push, push, push after me kindly asking him NUMEROUS times to leave me alone, the anger surfaced. I let it out. I don't feel that I need to keep this anger myself.
What he does with it is on him. He can use it to blame and drink or he can get up off his sad little rear end and take steps to fix his life before it's too late. Either way, that is no longer up to me. Those choices are all his and his alone. I'll continue to pray for him and continue to hope that he doesn't end up dead, but that is all I can do for him at this point.
It's up to him and God now.
If it makes him feel better to blame me, he can have at it and blame me all he wants. He knows what I've done, he knows who I am and he knows that I stood by him through hell and back again. He knows. I have no doubt about that.
I'll take the blame if he would just leave me the h*ll alone. If his addiction needs to be fed, and it does, he's going to feed it one way or another. He can feed it through his own actions and thoughts, or use my anger to feed it. Either way, it's getting fed and now, the weight of the pain, fear, hurt and anger that I've been shouldering for years is off of me. I carried the weight of our relationship. I'm not carrying the weight of our break-up alone too.
I've done everything I could to help him in every way possible. There is nothing I wouldn't, and haven't tried to, do for him. He needs to own his BS. He's coddled and told that he drinks because he's bored by his alcoholic family. I'm sorry, but I'm not falling into line with them in coddling and babying him anymore.
He needed to hear certain things. He's put me and my family through some tremendous pain and after keeping it bottled up and pushed down for so long, and him still continuing to push, push, push after me kindly asking him NUMEROUS times to leave me alone, the anger surfaced. I let it out. I don't feel that I need to keep this anger myself.
What he does with it is on him. He can use it to blame and drink or he can get up off his sad little rear end and take steps to fix his life before it's too late. Either way, that is no longer up to me. Those choices are all his and his alone. I'll continue to pray for him and continue to hope that he doesn't end up dead, but that is all I can do for him at this point.
It's up to him and God now.
aboutdone
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midwest
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo 
Aboutdone, you may be right, but I'm tired of owning the hurt and carrying it all on my shoulders.
If it makes him feel better to blame me, he can have at it and blame me all he wants. He knows what I've done, he knows who I am and he knows that I stood by him through hell and back again. He knows. I have no doubt about that.
I'll take the blame if he would just leave me the h*ll alone. If his addiction needs to be fed, and it does, he's going to feed it one way or another. He can feed it through his own actions and thoughts, or use my anger to feed it. Either way, it's getting fed and now, the weight of the pain, fear, hurt and anger that I've been shouldering for years is off of me. I carried the weight of our relationship. I'm not carrying the weight of our break-up alone too.
I've done everything I could to help him in every way possible. There is nothing I wouldn't, and haven't tried to, do for him. He needs to own his BS. He's coddled and told that he drinks because he's bored by his alcoholic family. I'm sorry, but I'm not falling into line with them in coddling and babying him anymore.
He needed to hear certain things. He's put me and my family through some tremendous pain and after keeping it bottled up and pushed down for so long, and him still continuing to push, push, push after me kindly asking him NUMEROUS times to leave me alone, the anger surfaced. I let it out. I don't feel that I need to keep this anger myself.
What he does with it is on him. He can use it to blame and drink or he can get up off his sad little rear end and take steps to fix his life before it's too late. Either way, that is no longer up to me. Those choices are all his and his alone. I'll continue to pray for him and continue to hope that he doesn't end up dead, but that is all I can do for him at this point.
It's up to him and God now.
If it makes him feel better to blame me, he can have at it and blame me all he wants. He knows what I've done, he knows who I am and he knows that I stood by him through hell and back again. He knows. I have no doubt about that.
I'll take the blame if he would just leave me the h*ll alone. If his addiction needs to be fed, and it does, he's going to feed it one way or another. He can feed it through his own actions and thoughts, or use my anger to feed it. Either way, it's getting fed and now, the weight of the pain, fear, hurt and anger that I've been shouldering for years is off of me. I carried the weight of our relationship. I'm not carrying the weight of our break-up alone too.
I've done everything I could to help him in every way possible. There is nothing I wouldn't, and haven't tried to, do for him. He needs to own his BS. He's coddled and told that he drinks because he's bored by his alcoholic family. I'm sorry, but I'm not falling into line with them in coddling and babying him anymore.
He needed to hear certain things. He's put me and my family through some tremendous pain and after keeping it bottled up and pushed down for so long, and him still continuing to push, push, push after me kindly asking him NUMEROUS times to leave me alone, the anger surfaced. I let it out. I don't feel that I need to keep this anger myself.
What he does with it is on him. He can use it to blame and drink or he can get up off his sad little rear end and take steps to fix his life before it's too late. Either way, that is no longer up to me. Those choices are all his and his alone. I'll continue to pray for him and continue to hope that he doesn't end up dead, but that is all I can do for him at this point.
It's up to him and God now.
Here, I am 5 years later, going through hell again and dealing with the same quacking. He has stated on 3 different occasions he just wants a relationship with our 5 yr old daughter. He emails me the most insane crap. Last wednesday told me he was unemployed as of that day and would be accepting a job offer out of town and would be in touch on how it pertains to our daughter and child support. The next day I had to go to his employer in regards to some financial stuff through his credit union and surprise, hes still employed. He emailed me and told me out of his 7 kids, our daughter is the one he loves the most and prays I have understanding for that some day. Wtf?
However, he has asked once to see her, giving me less than 24 hrs request and I had already made other plans. He has made no other attempt to reschedule.
I know your anger. I do. I just know for me in my situation, that is what mine does. When he is all in his feelings and needs to confirm its all my fault, he reaches out to me, because he could count on blaming me, if I responded. So now, I don't feed into it.
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