TryingToLearn

I haven't posted in a while. Made progress towards leaving but for me it's slow going for many reasons.

So I'm seeking sympathy today and perhaps I don't deserve it because I know I shouldn't be here.

Last night, he was totally zoned out on whiskey and beer and he didn't like a choice I had made so he told me I was insane. I didn't say anything as I know it's pointless but he kept going on and on "Admit it, admit you are insane." And finally, I broke down and said "I don't think I'm insane. I might have made a different decision but I'm not insane." And of course that made it worse and I heard a rant about how insane I am and need to admit it so of course I finally did.

And I really know this is more about me and the choices I'm making but I'm telling you sometimes it's intimidating to have someone raging at you like that.

So I've admitted I'm insane and I surely must be in the end to be in this situation still.

Thanks for letting me vent.

ladyscribbler

I used to go along to get along when my ex was raging. I understand the feeling. I ate a lot of $h!t sandwiches just to try and keep the peace (what little there was, anyway).
There was a thread a long time ago where Amy55 said something that really rang true for me.
"He needs a fight and doesn't want to look crazy fighting with himself."
I remember how my ex used to badger me, follow me around, basically insist that I engage with him. I can see now that it was because he NEEDED that fight. It was never about me personally. If I hadn't been around he probably would have fought with the wall because it was in his way.
This is not a reflection of you. Big hugs.

Katchie

I'm sorry that happened to you. That is flat wrong. Hugs..I hope you have some face to face support somewhere.

freetosmile

Yes, you deserve sympathy! You A is insane and he needs to admit it!

I can also understand just going along when they are raging. It's just easier to do that and get them off your back than it is to argue your point with a drunk person. You don't deserve that.
I hope you keep coming back here. We know how you feel, so why not get some support for YOU?

tight hugs

Sotiredofitall

You are as insane as he was sober. Hugs.

TryingToLearn

Thank you one and all. You are my support and I appreciate it. Sometimes I do start to wonder if I'm in the wrong. Thank you again.

lillamy

It is intimidating, and very frightening. I lived with that, too. Whenever he went off because of something (usually something completely trivial), his rants and yelling wouldn't end until I apologized. I've apologized for him taking the side mirror off his car backing into the garage, I've apologized for a baby waking up screaming at 2 am, I've apologized for getting older, I've apologized for a million and one things that weren't ever my responsibility or my doing.

I did it to keep the peace. I did it to avoid the conflict escalating. I did it because I lived in fear of the man I was married to. And that is a horrible way to live. I know it is.

I also know that that fear is what makes it hard to get out of the situation.

I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you feel support here. Please, any time you start questioning your sanity, any time you start thinking "maybe he's right?" -- come on over here and we will reassure you that YOU are not the insane person in that relationship.

hopeful4

Sweetie, YOU ARE NOT INSANE.

That is verbal abuse, and you don't have to stand for it. Just b/c he is standing there raging does not mean you have to stand and listen to it. For quite a while before I left, I formed a boundary that I would not listen to any "quacking" of any sort. I did not tell him about it, I just started doing it. When he would start his verbal vomit, I would say, "No, I am not listening to this," and walk away, or hang up, or whatever. Eventually it did sink in somewhat. He realized that I simply was not going to listen, and it did lessen that behavior a lot from him.

No matter what you do or don't, please realize, this is drunken behavior that reflects on HIM, not on you.

Tight hugs and much love coming your way!!!!!

TryingToLearn

Lilamy, thank you. Sounds like my situation. Hopeful, thank you so much for sharing and I'm glad you found a way that worked for you. I can't do that in this situation as it would escalate matters as it did when I just said I'm not insane. I knew better than to say that the other night but it just slipped out. Something about when someone is badgering you to admit you are insane (exact word) over a choice you made that made me defend myself which I knew was not right to do when he was so angry. It's hard living with a bully and a drunk one when everything gets turned into your fault somehow. I really appreciate all your support and help.

Sungrl

Why don't you leave him? Are you afraid?

There should be resources in you area regarding violence and abuse.

I am worried his ranting and raging will turn into actual violence towards you if you say or do the wrong thing. Please consider seeking options to get the heck away from him for good.

TryingToLearn

I am making my way out of this situation slowly. It's taking a while. I know other people have the courage just to leave but I'm not there yet but I've already made several big steps to being free.

Sungrl

Good. Everyone moves art their own pace. I respect that.

Just please stay safe.

TryingToLearn

I will Sungrl and thank you so much for your concern. I know how to keep my mouth shut and not escalate things. There's just something about someone trying to get you to admit you are insane when you struggle with self esteem and depression that really bothered me. It wasn't as if he said admit you made a bad decision. It had to be I was insane. Thank you again.

Sungrl

He's the nutball dear , not you. Have a super day!

firebolt

Jeeze - I wonder how well that tactic would work on getting him to admit he's an alcoholic?

I'm so sorry you dealt with that. I think you can look at it like most things in an alcoholic situation - words don't mean anything, only actions. Basically - who was ACTING insane there?!

Take care of yourself - (((HUGS)))