maia1234

Kboys, This is what an active A's does not a sober one. Oh my Gosh. I thought this would all end when they get sober.

I had to laugh with what missus said. My X ALWAYS use to say stuff under his breath, so the kids could hear but not me. How funny. I thought I was the only one that was insulted that way. I can't believe how many of the same tendencies that they all have. I guess the A's probably say the same about us enablers!!

Try and have a great weekend and stay out of those cop cars!!

Missus

Geez, Kboys, how dare you be where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to be doing, instead of out gallivanting with a cop? Rude!

maia1234

What the hxll are we going to do with you..... Kboys???

lizatola

Oh yes, this is super familiar to me. My AH can turn it on and turn it off in an instant.

Kboys, my AH was dry for 15 years and I had no idea that I was in an abusive relationship mainly because I was expending so much energy to make my life more emotionally comfortable. I twisted myself into a pretzel to walk on eggshells, fix problems(get the neighbor's dog to start barking for HIM because he would throw tantrums and slam doors and scream about it), double checked the coffee mugs to check if they were clean enough for him, etc etc etc.....

I decided I don't want to live like that anymore. I got tired of trying to fill the empty hole in his heart and soul. I gave and I gave and, just when I thought I had nothing left to give and my soul had been crushed, he would ask more of me or have a meltdown or apologize and ask for my forgiveness...just one more time...it won't happen again.. AND THEN IT DID. And, then I buried my head in the sand and it started all over again.

I wish you well on your journey. All of what you posted in this thread is my life, in some way or another. The resentment over my friends, making fun of Al Anon or coming right out with nasty comments or glaring looks, and many of your other stories. PM me anytime!

Rosalba

I used to think that by showing an insecure person that I'd be there for him, it would stop him being insecure. As you say, I changed the way I did things - firstly, I dropped all my male friends (he couldn't cope with them), then most of my female friends. I became more and more isolated, and then on the few occasions I did meet up with people I hadn't seen for a while, they'd keep asking me what the matter was. I totally denied any problem, despite the fact that I felt permanently sad and had lost two stone in weight without trying.

Of course me being a complete doormat didn't make him feel secure - because his insecurity was coming from within and was nothing to do with me.

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW MUCH THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP CAN DAMAGE YOU IF YOU LET IT.

I very, very much hope you went to Alanon this evening. If not this evening, then at the first available opportunity. If he's upset, that's his problem to deal with - not yours. He may well try to punish you, in which case the little word "Oh!" is a useful response to anything he might have to say.

maia1234

My X hated Alanon so much that he told me that "alanon" was the nail in the coffin for our marriage.

REALLY????

Hammer

Pretty much what Mrs. Hammer tells the kids is "wrong" between us.

"If dad was not involved with Alanon, we would be getting along."

Rosalba

It's as well to know. Nothing to do with his alcoholism, then.

sugarbear1

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward is a good read.

it may be an abusive marriage, but we allow them to abuse us when we don't change.

Keep moving forward and keep changing!!! you CAN do this!