Smothered
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Smothered
Just need to vent.
There's a comment made by AH for almost everything I do.
"you're having another cup of coffee?"
"You're using too much water to wash that cup out"
"you don't need the space heater on, turn it off"
"what have you done all day long?" (my answer -> tried to figure out how to leave your a$$)
"you don't need to do another load of laundry"
"why did you use that to start the fire in the wood stove?"
"Why are you charging your phone again?"
"why did you get that on your pizza?"
and on and on and on.
Sheesh. Mind your own business and leave me alone!!!!!!
There's a comment made by AH for almost everything I do.
"you're having another cup of coffee?"
"You're using too much water to wash that cup out"
"you don't need the space heater on, turn it off"
"what have you done all day long?" (my answer -> tried to figure out how to leave your a$$)
"you don't need to do another load of laundry"
"why did you use that to start the fire in the wood stove?"
"Why are you charging your phone again?"
"why did you get that on your pizza?"
and on and on and on.
Sheesh. Mind your own business and leave me alone!!!!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
oh good grief! I hope those plans to leave his @ss are moving right along. that is some of the most ridiculous yet controlling BS I've heard. you used too much water to rinse out a cup? why are you charging your phone?
oh sweetie, you GOTTA get away from this guy. pronto.
oh sweetie, you GOTTA get away from this guy. pronto.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
I just want to scream "Leave me the freak alone!!!!"
But, I must be the mature one and maintain my composure.......
I've noticed this past couple of weeks, when he pulls in the driveway home from work, I get sooooo anxious and feel like I can't breathe.
The whole time he's here I feel smothered even if he's not bothering me.
When he's gone, I literally feel like I can breathe again.
I count the hours until he goes to work.
When he's at work, Im so anxious that the time is passing too quickly before he'll be here again.
But, I must be the mature one and maintain my composure.......
I've noticed this past couple of weeks, when he pulls in the driveway home from work, I get sooooo anxious and feel like I can't breathe.
The whole time he's here I feel smothered even if he's not bothering me.
When he's gone, I literally feel like I can breathe again.
I count the hours until he goes to work.
When he's at work, Im so anxious that the time is passing too quickly before he'll be here again.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
You raised 5 girls.
You can drink as much coffee, and do as much d@mn laundry as you want.
So, what would he do if you did scream "Leave me the freak alone."?
You can drink as much coffee, and do as much d@mn laundry as you want.
So, what would he do if you did scream "Leave me the freak alone."?
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by SeriousKarma 
You raised 5 girls.
You can drink as much coffee, and do as much d@mn laundry as you want.
So, what would he do if you did scream "Leave me the freak alone."?
You can drink as much coffee, and do as much d@mn laundry as you want.
So, what would he do if you did scream "Leave me the freak alone."?
What would he do? Depends on his mood, how much he had to drink, how much pot he had smoked, ect.....
Typically he'd either walk out the door to smoke, or look and treat me like I am the crazy one, and over reacting. Sometimes would start an argument.
It not uncharacteristic of me to tell him to leave me alone, these days lately I'm just trying to bite my tongue and keep my cool and not engage.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Here's a recent quack from my controlling AH while explaining to me how no one respects him (in our house)
"No one cleans the house the way I want them to!"
I can really relate to you. AH is always getting on me about something. And to quote him
"it's always a good time to change!"
Ha
"No one cleans the house the way I want them to!"
I can really relate to you. AH is always getting on me about something. And to quote him
"it's always a good time to change!"
Ha
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
Yes, 5 girls and 2 boys, ha!
What would he do? Depends on his mood, how much he had to drink, how much pot he had smoked, ect.....
Typically he'd either walk out the door to smoke, or look and treat me like I am the crazy one, and over reacting. Sometimes would start an argument.
It not uncharacteristic of me to tell him to leave me alone, these days lately I'm just trying to bite my tongue and keep my cool and not engage.
What would he do? Depends on his mood, how much he had to drink, how much pot he had smoked, ect.....
Typically he'd either walk out the door to smoke, or look and treat me like I am the crazy one, and over reacting. Sometimes would start an argument.
It not uncharacteristic of me to tell him to leave me alone, these days lately I'm just trying to bite my tongue and keep my cool and not engage.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
I had to chuckle a minute ago.
It's just about midnight here and I am doing my work on the computer.
We live in a small cabin type house.
He chose to sleep on the couch for some reason tonight - I guess to make me feel badly? I don't know, we got along fine tonight, better than in the past week.
Anyhow, the computer work area and where is he is sleeping are pretty near each other, being a small house.
We have three dogs, living out in the country they hear things outside, other animals, ect.
One is a 6mo puppy. She heard something and barked - one puppy bark.
He got up off the couch all bully-like standing over the puppy in a threatening manner yelling at her irrationally.
So I said, knock it off, she's a puppy, she's going to bark if she hears something outside the house.
So he yells at me and says well if you went to bed at a decent hour they'd be in there sleeping next to you instead you are out here on the computer so they are out here keeping me awake.
Dude. You're the one who chose to be a drama queen and sleep on the couch when you knew I was out here working.
Whatever.
Get over yourself.
Edited to add: now, ironically he's up and is watching a movie with the volume turned up loud, woke my 17yo up. now she's yelling the TV is too loud. He barely turned it down.
It's all about him.
It's just about midnight here and I am doing my work on the computer.
We live in a small cabin type house.
He chose to sleep on the couch for some reason tonight - I guess to make me feel badly? I don't know, we got along fine tonight, better than in the past week.
Anyhow, the computer work area and where is he is sleeping are pretty near each other, being a small house.
We have three dogs, living out in the country they hear things outside, other animals, ect.
One is a 6mo puppy. She heard something and barked - one puppy bark.
He got up off the couch all bully-like standing over the puppy in a threatening manner yelling at her irrationally.
So I said, knock it off, she's a puppy, she's going to bark if she hears something outside the house.
So he yells at me and says well if you went to bed at a decent hour they'd be in there sleeping next to you instead you are out here on the computer so they are out here keeping me awake.
Dude. You're the one who chose to be a drama queen and sleep on the couch when you knew I was out here working.
Whatever.
Get over yourself.
Edited to add: now, ironically he's up and is watching a movie with the volume turned up loud, woke my 17yo up. now she's yelling the TV is too loud. He barely turned it down.
It's all about him.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
I had to chuckle a minute ago.
It's just about midnight here and I am doing my work on the computer.
We live in a small cabin type house.
He chose to sleep on the couch for some reason tonight - I guess to make me feel badly? I don't know, we got along fine tonight, better than in the past week.
Anyhow, the computer work area and where is he is sleeping are pretty near each other, being a small house.
We have three dogs, living out in the country they hear things outside, other animals, ect.
One is a 6mo puppy. She heard something and barked - one puppy bark.
He got up off the couch all bully-like standing over the puppy in a threatening manner yelling at her irrationally.
So I said, knock it off, she's a puppy, she's going to bark if she hears something outside the house.
So he yells at me and says well if you went to bed at a decent hour they'd be in there sleeping next to you instead you are out here on the computer so they are out here keeping me awake.
Dude. You're the one who chose to be a drama queen and sleep on the couch when you knew I was out here working.
Whatever.
Get over yourself.
It's just about midnight here and I am doing my work on the computer.
We live in a small cabin type house.
He chose to sleep on the couch for some reason tonight - I guess to make me feel badly? I don't know, we got along fine tonight, better than in the past week.
Anyhow, the computer work area and where is he is sleeping are pretty near each other, being a small house.
We have three dogs, living out in the country they hear things outside, other animals, ect.
One is a 6mo puppy. She heard something and barked - one puppy bark.
He got up off the couch all bully-like standing over the puppy in a threatening manner yelling at her irrationally.
So I said, knock it off, she's a puppy, she's going to bark if she hears something outside the house.
So he yells at me and says well if you went to bed at a decent hour they'd be in there sleeping next to you instead you are out here on the computer so they are out here keeping me awake.
Dude. You're the one who chose to be a drama queen and sleep on the couch when you knew I was out here working.
Whatever.
Get over yourself.
I do feel your pain. Luckily for me, mine is in treatment now...so I have had the past two weeks of nice calm evenings. Really hope I continue to get them after AH comes home.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 26
Reading some of this stuff is crazy. I put up with that type of behavior for 14 years and seeing it in print just blows my mind. My ex used to sleep on the couch all the time, wake me up to argue or stand over me and yell. It was always about him - ALWAYS.
Be prepared for his behavior to get worse. He wants a reaction out of you. If you don't give it to him, he will escalate his behavior until he does get a reaction. Just be ready for it.
Be prepared for his behavior to get worse. He wants a reaction out of you. If you don't give it to him, he will escalate his behavior until he does get a reaction. Just be ready for it.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by goplayoutside
Be prepared for his behavior to get worse. He wants a reaction out of you. If you don't give it to him, he will escalate his behavior until he does get a reaction. Just be ready for it.
So tired of it. Have to keep biding my time though.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
Oh, yes. Don't I know it, ha! We've been riding this merry go round for almost 20 years now.
So tired of it. Have to keep biding my time though.
So tired of it. Have to keep biding my time though.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The planet Earth, or at least that's what I've been told.
Posts: 130
Pink -
That's not being smothered, that's being badgered and harassed! When I think of someone smothering, I think of someone being overly affectionate and loving to the point of being obnoxious. What your partner is doing is simply verbal abuse.
There are many good books on the topic including The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Before I read this book, I used to think that verbal abuse involved screaming, cussing and name calling - I had no idea it could be so subtle. But when you think about it, it's the subtle persistent abuse that is most damaging because most people cannot detect it and get used to it over time. It's death by a thousand cuts and literally kills your self-esteem little by little.
I would really encourage you to read more about verbal abuse. You don't deserve it.
That's not being smothered, that's being badgered and harassed! When I think of someone smothering, I think of someone being overly affectionate and loving to the point of being obnoxious. What your partner is doing is simply verbal abuse.
There are many good books on the topic including The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Before I read this book, I used to think that verbal abuse involved screaming, cussing and name calling - I had no idea it could be so subtle. But when you think about it, it's the subtle persistent abuse that is most damaging because most people cannot detect it and get used to it over time. It's death by a thousand cuts and literally kills your self-esteem little by little.
I would really encourage you to read more about verbal abuse. You don't deserve it.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Chantal88
Pink -
That's not being smothered, that's being badgered and harassed! When I think of someone smothering, I think of someone being overly affectionate and loving to the point of being obnoxious. What your partner is doing is simply verbal abuse.
There are many good books on the topic including The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Before I read this book, I used to think that verbal abuse involved screaming, cussing and name calling - I had no idea it could be so subtle. But when you think about it, it's the subtle persistent abuse that is most damaging because most people cannot detect it and get used to it over time. It's death by a thousand cuts and literally kills your self-esteem little by little.
I would really encourage you to read more about verbal abuse. You don't deserve it.
That's not being smothered, that's being badgered and harassed! When I think of someone smothering, I think of someone being overly affectionate and loving to the point of being obnoxious. What your partner is doing is simply verbal abuse.
There are many good books on the topic including The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Before I read this book, I used to think that verbal abuse involved screaming, cussing and name calling - I had no idea it could be so subtle. But when you think about it, it's the subtle persistent abuse that is most damaging because most people cannot detect it and get used to it over time. It's death by a thousand cuts and literally kills your self-esteem little by little.
I would really encourage you to read more about verbal abuse. You don't deserve it.
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