KidsR#1

I was away for this last week with the kids and while we were gone AH got his first DWI. He waited to tell me until today when I got back home. HIs friends and family advised him of that as I had a long trip and this way I would be focused on driving/bad weather and not on what happened with him. I knew something was up as soon as I got home, and he hadn't been drinking. Told me that we needed to talk and his brother was inviting the kids over for a bit.

I anticipated the conversation along the lines of him either begging to come home (been separated for 4 months-my choice based on his actions), that he got fired or (based on his body language) telling me that he wanted a divorce. I was really not prepared for the DWI bit.

I am so upset, not mad, right now. Can't seem to pull it together. Did some research and NY state has really tough DWI laws. I had thought we were on the right path- we had a great christmas with the kids and had invited him to stay tonight so that he could spend time with the kids and vice versa.

Anyone have some experience recently with DWI in NY state? He blew a .26 when he was pulled over. He has an appt with attorney monday and court later this month. What can I expect- best case/worse case?

We already figure he will lose his job as he has to have a driver's license for his job. There goes our insurance too and the chance to refi the mortgage. May be some jail time involved as well it sounds.

I'm sad for all the dreams and hopes I had in the near future- gone! How do I soften the blow for the kids sake?

KidsR#1

I should probably add that I have always believed that if you do the crime, you do the time and I don't feel my AH should be off the hook. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions. Just trying to figure out how this will all impact me and the kids...

Hammer

Since he is out of the house, does he have to be on your insurance?

Can't you just get your own insurance, and let him walk or ride a bicycle or whatever?

LexieCat

According to this page, it's an aggravated DWI, which carries a $1,000-$2,500 fine, mandatory minimum 1-year loss of license, and a max 1-year jail term. I'd be surprised if he got jail, unless he has a prior criminal history. The first offense is a misdemeanor, but a second one is a felony.

You'll know more after he meets with a lawyer. If the lawyer regularly practices in the court where his case will be heard, he or she will have the best info on what's likely to happen.

Sorry for your sake (and the kids).

LexieCat

Hammer's got a point. If he's not living in your household, it shouldn't affect your insurance. How is the car titled? If it's in both of your names, he might have to be a named insured, unless he transfers the title to you.

KidsR#1

We live in the mountains and nearest town is 6 miles, no public transport.

insurance- I was referring to health insurance as we got it through his job.

Pretty much guaranteed to lose his license and can take him/his car off the car insurance then for sure, since the policy had me as primary.

Not sure if he will qualify for unemployment.

I think we would qualify for some assistance programs offered in our county.

How ironic that monday I am returning PT to my job as a caseworker and he will most likely be losing his job that day...

LexieCat

It looks like NY DOES offer at least some DWI defendants the opportunity to receive a conditional license that would permit the holder to drive to work, provided he participates in the drunk driver program.

That might involve forcing him into treatment, too. His lawyer should be able to explain whether he is eligible.

KidsR#1

I guess there is no sense worrying. Things will be what they will be.

Hammer

wow.

Sounds like a WONDERFUL exercise program for him.

Should enjoy the Mountain Biking over drinking.

Ahh. THIS Might be MUCH better than you thought . . .

First, if the PT job does NOT offer insurance (let's hope it does not) AND you do not have to show his income (out of household) YOU are set up wonderfully under the ACA / "Obamacare."

When Mrs. Hammer went to work in a Rehab -- after Rehab for herself, and had insurance available (as a contractor, I did not, and had always paid the kids medical bills as cash), she said she would get insurance for everyone. Okay. Sounded good to me.

After nine months at the first Rehab, she did not, and switched jobs to another Rehab. She was going to get Insurance there. Lied again, she did not.

Then just before she filed and claimed separation from me, she got Insurance for herself ONLY and as part of the Claims she was stating that I should be buying insurance for the kids.

So by that point I was fed up with her lies and horsespit, I went to Healthcare.gov, and signed me and the kids up. Since she claimed a separated status -- we were eligible. Came out GREAT. Without carrying her non-supporting, lying, nonsense, I got coverage for me, and Very Full Coverage for the kids -- including Dental -- ALL -- for near free. This year, the numbers were EVEN Better.

Summary (my ESH): You Lose Nothing When You Lose a Non-Supporting, Lying A.

PM if you need details.

CodeJob

Kids,

This is his story to tell. I'd ask him to tell the kids.

Your part in this story is your grief at your expectations for a good life with this man - that this partner could beat His A. Clearly he's not there.

I'd make him deal with ALL of the issues pertaining to his DUI.

Watch out for your 'we.' Be involved only in the issues that directly impact you - car insurance, health insurance.

I'm glad you got a job!

I'm so sorry you are crushed.

Jaeger

I live in a different state but want to give you a heads up. My AH got a DUI 3 1/2 years ago and we are still paying for it. My homeowners insurance (even though I am primary) is over $500 higher a yr. When our auto went to a high risk policy, we lost the multi-policy discount. My advice would be to try to get him off your insurance if there is any possible.