LITTLE bit of humor in the thick the BS
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LITTLE bit of humor in the thick the BS
AH called today. Said he was still struggling with step 2 and that he really wanted to make HIMSELF his higher power but that would be satanic (all about self) behavior. This ALONE is funny as hell to me. What an idiot. Keep working those steps, kid. Obviously, he is missing the picture about "powerlessness and no control". I think he needs to go back to step one. whatever.
So apparently he told people this at his meeting.
His counselor recommended that he go check in with the 25 and under, because that was the lifestyle he was choosing.
That is really funny to me. And I confronted him on this. I told him that he did know about his HP (because he has expressed this to me before) and that he was acting like a toddler and just pitching a fit with God. He got pissed and asked me to enlighten him, if I knew so much. I just said he didn't have to discuss his recovery with him if he didn't want to, and if he didn't want to hear my opinion, then it probably wasn't a good idea to discuss it. Then I went on to tell him that we really can't talk about anything without it being a fight. He said, ok then, I'll just go do my homework.
I did not apologize, I did not defend myself, and I did not explain. I just ok and hung up.
I feel like this goes back to my previous thread "when you are learning and HAVE learned, it's not really possible to play the "I didn't know that card". He knows what to do and is choosing to fight it the whole way. He has a pretty crappy attitude about sobriety.
Does anyone remember how worked up and stressed I was about getting him INTO treatment? HE WANTED TO GO! And now, he's trying to check himself out (yesterday), make himself his HP, and so on....
Yes, please GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Anyway, the stupidity is funny to me and super frustrating. But I'm just going to laugh about it for now. The signs are just getting bigger and bigger and their flashing now
So apparently he told people this at his meeting.
His counselor recommended that he go check in with the 25 and under, because that was the lifestyle he was choosing.
That is really funny to me. And I confronted him on this. I told him that he did know about his HP (because he has expressed this to me before) and that he was acting like a toddler and just pitching a fit with God. He got pissed and asked me to enlighten him, if I knew so much. I just said he didn't have to discuss his recovery with him if he didn't want to, and if he didn't want to hear my opinion, then it probably wasn't a good idea to discuss it. Then I went on to tell him that we really can't talk about anything without it being a fight. He said, ok then, I'll just go do my homework.
I did not apologize, I did not defend myself, and I did not explain. I just ok and hung up.
I feel like this goes back to my previous thread "when you are learning and HAVE learned, it's not really possible to play the "I didn't know that card". He knows what to do and is choosing to fight it the whole way. He has a pretty crappy attitude about sobriety.
Does anyone remember how worked up and stressed I was about getting him INTO treatment? HE WANTED TO GO! And now, he's trying to check himself out (yesterday), make himself his HP, and so on....
Yes, please GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
Anyway, the stupidity is funny to me and super frustrating. But I'm just going to laugh about it for now. The signs are just getting bigger and bigger and their flashing now
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Whattamaroon, which part of "higher" does he not understand?
You sound very healthy today, free! You know what, there was a day, my fourth day of sobriety, when I had a HUGE sewer backup into my basement. It was awful, my basement had several inches of REEKING water, and I had treasured keepsakes that were destroyed. It happened on Labor Day, too, so it took a long time to get someone from Public Works out there to shut it off. At 10:35 pm, almost exactly four days to the minute from the time of my last drink, my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor, who had been helping me with the mess, and she had a cold beer, which she placed into my hand. "Here--I thought you could USE this." It was one of those moments when time stands still, as I stood there, debating what to do. I finally handed it back to her, and in a voice that hardly sounded like my own, I said, "No, thanks--it was really nice of you to think of me, but I'm just going to bed now."
That was THE moment when I had what I consider my spiritual awakening. I suddenly was sure that everything was gonna be OK.
That's how you sound right now--like that big CLICK has happened for you. It doesn't mean you'll never have a moment of struggle again, but you sound so very different.
You're gonna make it, kiddo.
You sound very healthy today, free! You know what, there was a day, my fourth day of sobriety, when I had a HUGE sewer backup into my basement. It was awful, my basement had several inches of REEKING water, and I had treasured keepsakes that were destroyed. It happened on Labor Day, too, so it took a long time to get someone from Public Works out there to shut it off. At 10:35 pm, almost exactly four days to the minute from the time of my last drink, my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor, who had been helping me with the mess, and she had a cold beer, which she placed into my hand. "Here--I thought you could USE this." It was one of those moments when time stands still, as I stood there, debating what to do. I finally handed it back to her, and in a voice that hardly sounded like my own, I said, "No, thanks--it was really nice of you to think of me, but I'm just going to bed now."
That was THE moment when I had what I consider my spiritual awakening. I suddenly was sure that everything was gonna be OK.
That's how you sound right now--like that big CLICK has happened for you. It doesn't mean you'll never have a moment of struggle again, but you sound so very different.
You're gonna make it, kiddo.
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This anecdote is hilarious. He needs another round in the sweat lodgefor sure.
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
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Originally Posted by CodeJob 
This anecdote is hilarious. He needs another round in the sweat lodgefor sure.
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
Yes, I agree another sweat- or a drop kick in the face....either or. Hell why not both.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
Whattamaroon, which part of "higher" does he not understand?
You sound very healthy today, free! You know what, there was a day, my fourth day of sobriety, when I had a HUGE sewer backup into my basement. It was awful, my basement had several inches of REEKING water, and I had treasured keepsakes that were destroyed. It happened on Labor Day, too, so it took a long time to get someone from Public Works out there to shut it off. At 10:35 pm, almost exactly four days to the minute from the time of my last drink, my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor, who had been helping me with the mess, and she had a cold beer, which she placed into my hand. "Here--I thought you could USE this." It was one of those moments when time stands still, as I stood there, debating what to do. I finally handed it back to her, and in a voice that hardly sounded like my own, I said, "No, thanks--it was really nice of you to think of me, but I'm just going to bed now."
That was THE moment when I had what I consider my spiritual awakening. I suddenly was sure that everything was gonna be OK.
That's how you sound right now--like that big CLICK has happened for you. It doesn't mean you'll never have a moment of struggle again, but you sound so very different.
You're gonna make it, kiddo.
You sound very healthy today, free! You know what, there was a day, my fourth day of sobriety, when I had a HUGE sewer backup into my basement. It was awful, my basement had several inches of REEKING water, and I had treasured keepsakes that were destroyed. It happened on Labor Day, too, so it took a long time to get someone from Public Works out there to shut it off. At 10:35 pm, almost exactly four days to the minute from the time of my last drink, my doorbell rang. It was my neighbor, who had been helping me with the mess, and she had a cold beer, which she placed into my hand. "Here--I thought you could USE this." It was one of those moments when time stands still, as I stood there, debating what to do. I finally handed it back to her, and in a voice that hardly sounded like my own, I said, "No, thanks--it was really nice of you to think of me, but I'm just going to bed now."
That was THE moment when I had what I consider my spiritual awakening. I suddenly was sure that everything was gonna be OK.
That's how you sound right now--like that big CLICK has happened for you. It doesn't mean you'll never have a moment of struggle again, but you sound so very different.
You're gonna make it, kiddo.
They want me to take part in this "circle of death" thing that allows his family the opportunity to tell him how his actions have hurt them. I see no point in this at all with him. Really I don't. I'm beginning not to see the point in ANY of this. The whole him as his HP was like--really? Are you out of your mind. yes, I think he is. I think he's lost to me. Quite honestly, I can't say I even know him anymore. I think he worked really hard to hide this side of himself from me for many years. Now he can't. So I probably NEVER knew him. And now I'm just finally starting to see that he is a nut job. A hurt nut job but a nut job none the less.
I'm not sure I even see the point of bringing him home. I really HAVE put some thought into this. I mean, I've already gotten used to him being gone. Why put myself through the heartache of allowing him back in the house, if my plan is to leave? Still have his kids though....that really tears me apart.
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There is a thread on sr relating to this wasn't able to google it but, this is pretty close. Does it sound like your situation?
A person who has King Baby syndrome is typically selfish, rejects criticism, complains, is obsessed with money and belongings and doesn't feel like rules should apply to him. In short, he is someone who refuses to mature.
A King Baby copes with life's difficulties and trials by refusing to accept them and instead focuses on selfish needs and desires. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions and is always looking for the next reason to laugh and have fun — no matter what the expense.
A person with King Baby syndrome can be fun to be around for a period of time, but he is not able to be a good long-term friend because the moment somebody needs something from him, he looks for an escape. Many people who have King Baby syndrome have chemical dependencies and addictions to drugs and alcohol because of how they help them remove themselves from difficult or unpleasant situations.
It is difficult for a King Baby to move out of this role given the fact that he perceives so many advantages to not needing to worry about life. Those who enable a King Baby simply make it harder for him to want to become a productive adult.
A person who has King Baby syndrome is typically selfish, rejects criticism, complains, is obsessed with money and belongings and doesn't feel like rules should apply to him. In short, he is someone who refuses to mature.
A King Baby copes with life's difficulties and trials by refusing to accept them and instead focuses on selfish needs and desires. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions and is always looking for the next reason to laugh and have fun — no matter what the expense.
A person with King Baby syndrome can be fun to be around for a period of time, but he is not able to be a good long-term friend because the moment somebody needs something from him, he looks for an escape. Many people who have King Baby syndrome have chemical dependencies and addictions to drugs and alcohol because of how they help them remove themselves from difficult or unpleasant situations.
It is difficult for a King Baby to move out of this role given the fact that he perceives so many advantages to not needing to worry about life. Those who enable a King Baby simply make it harder for him to want to become a productive adult.
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yes ALOT of this sounds like my AH. Then you add the verbal and emotional abuse along with the super controlling behavior and it is getting increasingly difficult for me to continue making excuses to stay with this man.
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Here is what is BEGINNING to **** me off.
uh...ok..let's do a reality check. I'm not working and am in school full time. Our pellet stove quit working - we are only using space heaters right now. I haven't been this broke in a LONG time. I sold my exercise bike for gas money. I am dealing with behaviors from 5 kiddos who are all unique and need their mother.
AND YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELF YOUR HIGHER POWER? This is a waste of time! We are barely scraping by and he wants to (even expressed desire) to become a satanist. This **** is for the birds. GROW UP already.
Okay, I'm not pissed anymore. I'm just going to use this situation to even further my resolve. While your family is suffering, you go ahead and make a joke out of this whole thing. Not to mention the thousands of people who would really LIKE to go to treatment and either don't have the support at home, can't afford it, insurance won't cover, etc. This is a huge blessing that he is just pissing away.
uh...ok..let's do a reality check. I'm not working and am in school full time. Our pellet stove quit working - we are only using space heaters right now. I haven't been this broke in a LONG time. I sold my exercise bike for gas money. I am dealing with behaviors from 5 kiddos who are all unique and need their mother.
AND YOU WANT TO MAKE YOURSELF YOUR HIGHER POWER? This is a waste of time! We are barely scraping by and he wants to (even expressed desire) to become a satanist. This **** is for the birds. GROW UP already.
Okay, I'm not pissed anymore. I'm just going to use this situation to even further my resolve. While your family is suffering, you go ahead and make a joke out of this whole thing. Not to mention the thousands of people who would really LIKE to go to treatment and either don't have the support at home, can't afford it, insurance won't cover, etc. This is a huge blessing that he is just pissing away.
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Originally Posted by Hawks
Have a listen to that link FTS.
The guy talking describes pretty much exactly the same kinda crazy crap your A has come up with.
I think you'll get another good laugh out of it
The guy talking describes pretty much exactly the same kinda crazy crap your A has come up with.
I think you'll get another good laugh out of it
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Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000
There is a thread on sr relating to this wasn't able to google it but, this is pretty close. Does it sound like your situation?
A person who has King Baby syndrome is typically selfish, rejects criticism, complains, is obsessed with money and belongings and doesn't feel like rules should apply to him. In short, he is someone who refuses to mature.
A King Baby copes with life's difficulties and trials by refusing to accept them and instead focuses on selfish needs and desires. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions and is always looking for the next reason to laugh and have fun — no matter what the expense.
A person with King Baby syndrome can be fun to be around for a period of time, but he is not able to be a good long-term friend because the moment somebody needs something from him, he looks for an escape. Many people who have King Baby syndrome have chemical dependencies and addictions to drugs and alcohol because of how they help them remove themselves from difficult or unpleasant situations.
It is difficult for a King Baby to move out of this role given the fact that he perceives so many advantages to not needing to worry about life. Those who enable a King Baby simply make it harder for him to want to become a productive adult.
A person who has King Baby syndrome is typically selfish, rejects criticism, complains, is obsessed with money and belongings and doesn't feel like rules should apply to him. In short, he is someone who refuses to mature.
A King Baby copes with life's difficulties and trials by refusing to accept them and instead focuses on selfish needs and desires. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions and is always looking for the next reason to laugh and have fun — no matter what the expense.
A person with King Baby syndrome can be fun to be around for a period of time, but he is not able to be a good long-term friend because the moment somebody needs something from him, he looks for an escape. Many people who have King Baby syndrome have chemical dependencies and addictions to drugs and alcohol because of how they help them remove themselves from difficult or unpleasant situations.
It is difficult for a King Baby to move out of this role given the fact that he perceives so many advantages to not needing to worry about life. Those who enable a King Baby simply make it harder for him to want to become a productive adult.
We were right in the front so we were trying to be discreet, getting out the door as quietly as possible while she was playing. AH picked up my coat and made a sweeping gesture so that I could put my coat on. I just grabbed the coat and left the venue quickly.
He was mad.. "Why didn't you let me put your coat on?" he demanded. "Because the other act was playing--I didn't want to distract from her performance," I replied.
"What about MY performance?" he whined.
That cracked me up.
OP, thanks for posting. Those anecdotes at least at a little humor to the whole sad situation.
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Originally Posted by CodeJob
This anecdote is hilarious. He needs another round in the sweat lodgefor sure.
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
Are you sure he's sober? The rehab mine was at was surprisingly porous. They could walk a track and locals could arrange drops out there....
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Oh the Circle of Death.
For me, my RAH did settle in and work his rehab. I went and learned a lot about addiction by listening to those attending the family event with me. I laid down y boundary there at the circle of death.
I'd talk to his therapist about it. Your instinct to blow it off might be dead right.
For me, my RAH did settle in and work his rehab. I went and learned a lot about addiction by listening to those attending the family event with me. I laid down y boundary there at the circle of death.
I'd talk to his therapist about it. Your instinct to blow it off might be dead right.
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Sounds like the codependent fog is clearing and your gut is giving you accurate
feedback again. I'd trust it.
CodeJob's idea of talking to his therapist is right on--also, I would let him / them know that there is a very strong likelihood that you will not be letting him back in the house if that is what you decide. Also, driving him home for 8 hours does not sound like a good idea to me at this point.
Hang in there free
feedback again. I'd trust it.
CodeJob's idea of talking to his therapist is right on--also, I would let him / them know that there is a very strong likelihood that you will not be letting him back in the house if that is what you decide. Also, driving him home for 8 hours does not sound like a good idea to me at this point.
Hang in there free
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Are you getting legal advice? Can you call a domestic violence hotline and ask for a referral?
I think your instinct is right on, and bringing him back to the house would be a disaster. He can go to a sober living house and you can continue to heal.
I think your instinct is right on, and bringing him back to the house would be a disaster. He can go to a sober living house and you can continue to heal.
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Hey, bimini just gave me an idea.
IF you were to apply for a restraining order, it MIGHT cover his kids, as well, given the way he has been abusive to you in front of them (and also the fact that he isn't caring for them properly). I've never had this exact situation come up in my practice, but it's worth at least discussing with an advocate or DV attorney in your state.
I would never recommend using a protective/restraining order as a strategy if there weren't actual abuse that has gone on, but you have a pretty significant history of it.
Might be worth calling Legal Aid to see if there is any way you could qualify for assistance, given that the children's welfare is at stake.
IF you were to apply for a restraining order, it MIGHT cover his kids, as well, given the way he has been abusive to you in front of them (and also the fact that he isn't caring for them properly). I've never had this exact situation come up in my practice, but it's worth at least discussing with an advocate or DV attorney in your state.
I would never recommend using a protective/restraining order as a strategy if there weren't actual abuse that has gone on, but you have a pretty significant history of it.
Might be worth calling Legal Aid to see if there is any way you could qualify for assistance, given that the children's welfare is at stake.
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Free, I keep coming wondering if it's a good idea for you to be talking to him so regularly. I don't know anything about rehab. My STBXAH said he went a couple of times, but was actually lying. Talk about porous! He was actually taking little vacations. Anyway.... I just wonder if the constant contact doesn't make it harder for both him and you to break the dysfunctional patterns.
It also seems like you could benefit from a few days free of his crazy talk.
It also seems like you could benefit from a few days free of his crazy talk.
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