Working through Anxiety
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Working through Anxiety
DD6 went with separated AH for the first time in awhile this morning. She will be back in an hour and a half but this has been the longest 3 hours of my life. (Dramatic I know).
She has been with me all the time for 4 months. He has taken her here and there but never for this long. It is also the first time she is going to be around the new enabling GF. I have such anger and resentment toward the GF not because she cheated with my husband but because she has done other things to harm me like contact my employer, threaten to cancel my health insurance when I had cancer and call me Stage 4 cancer girl when I was ill, says I look like a troll, etc...I am working hard to let go of this resentment. I know he is not healthy and she is not healthy and it just kills me that my little girl has to be around that. I know my separated AHs issues are his and about alcoholism and not this girl. She is just a symptom of his self-hatred and someone who signs off on his terrible behavior.
I let her go this morning because I know it is the best thing for her. It hurts like hell. Just like they say....when you are going through hell, keep going. I am and I know it will not always hurt like today. So I did things to keep myself busy, no money to go anywhere...but trying to read and do healthy things like post on here instead of things that will just throw me into the abyss of self pity.
I do not regret at all where I am. I am doing all the right things. It just hurts, thats all. I just needed to vent it out. Thanks SR Family...
She has been with me all the time for 4 months. He has taken her here and there but never for this long. It is also the first time she is going to be around the new enabling GF. I have such anger and resentment toward the GF not because she cheated with my husband but because she has done other things to harm me like contact my employer, threaten to cancel my health insurance when I had cancer and call me Stage 4 cancer girl when I was ill, says I look like a troll, etc...I am working hard to let go of this resentment. I know he is not healthy and she is not healthy and it just kills me that my little girl has to be around that. I know my separated AHs issues are his and about alcoholism and not this girl. She is just a symptom of his self-hatred and someone who signs off on his terrible behavior.
I let her go this morning because I know it is the best thing for her. It hurts like hell. Just like they say....when you are going through hell, keep going. I am and I know it will not always hurt like today. So I did things to keep myself busy, no money to go anywhere...but trying to read and do healthy things like post on here instead of things that will just throw me into the abyss of self pity.
I do not regret at all where I am. I am doing all the right things. It just hurts, thats all. I just needed to vent it out. Thanks SR Family...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Hugs...It's all going to be ok...you're ok and you're little precious girl is ok because despite you exA and his dysfunctional GF, you've given and continue to give your daughter a good foundation. She knows where her home and security lay and that is with you -- wonderful, loving, stable you!
So, what do you have planned when she gets home? Bowl of popcorn and DVD?
So, what do you have planned when she gets home? Bowl of popcorn and DVD?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
She loves board games so I have them all ready for her. I am sure we will play each one! 😊
I am grateful. I would rather be alone struggling and teaching her the right things than in a 2 income household that is dysfunctional.
I am grateful. I would rather be alone struggling and teaching her the right things than in a 2 income household that is dysfunctional.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You just keep loving her and providing her with stability and predictability. That will give her the foundation she needs to recognize dysfunction at her dad's house.
You know how they train people in law enforcement to recognize fake bills? They have them handle REAL bills. Over and over and over and over. Until the real thing becomes so familiar to them that it's second nature. They may not immediately get why something is off with a fake 50-dollar bill when they see it or feel it -- but they will know that it's not the real thing.
I think families are similar. You expose her over and over to what a functional family is, and she will see that dysfunction isn't it.
You know how they train people in law enforcement to recognize fake bills? They have them handle REAL bills. Over and over and over and over. Until the real thing becomes so familiar to them that it's second nature. They may not immediately get why something is off with a fake 50-dollar bill when they see it or feel it -- but they will know that it's not the real thing.
I think families are similar. You expose her over and over to what a functional family is, and she will see that dysfunction isn't it.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Your job is to be the best mom you can be, and you are succeeding. She deserves to see her Dad even as sick as he is. Enjoy the couple hours alone, take a bath or paint your nails, something to make the time go by faster.....
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
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