heres2hope

So my family went away on a three day vacation. I had a couple of things on my to do list that I wanted to do, but the timing was off and we didn't get to do it. The kids wanted to do kid stuff and so most of what we did were for the kids. This morning, just as a throwaway remark, I said something about how I didn't get to do anything I had planned and my AH blew it totally out of proportion. He kept saying how he can do nothing right and to let him know when I am done complaining....WHICH I WASN'T. But clearly, now I am. He was like, "I've done everything on this trip to make you happy. I even stayed sober for you." To which I replied, "and I really appreciate that." ARGH!! As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back because why in the world am I THANKING him for staying sober? Especially since I'm not sure that it's true since he only gets so testy and sensitive when he drinks. it could also be that his health is failing and he is finally coming to grips with it.

lillamy

Well, the way I see it, you're allowed to have feelings. You're allowed to be disappointed, happy, angry, sad, or anything else. To me, your AH's reaction is pretty typical alcoholic: Anything and everything said is about HIM (because he is, after all, the center of the universe).

I found it terribly hard to get through to AXH that I could be pissed off or happy without it having anything to do with him. When I told him that, he got angry because obviously, he wasn't that important to me if other things could affect my feelings.

There's no winning with an actively drinking alcoholic.

That said -- I'm glad the kids got to have fun at least. That's a pretty awesome achievement on a vacation with an A who's white knuckling it. So pat yourself on the back for giving them a sense of normalcy.

freetosmile

Yeah, you have a right to your feelings. I always found that day 2-4 of my AH TRYING to stay sober was always eggshells and when he blew he spewed at me. So I always dreaded those days...almost enough to just want him to drink again, because at least his attitude was "better". I don't know if you experience this or not, but I know it was very real and very threatening in my world.

Hugs

dandylion

herestohope....not only is a white-knuckling alcoholic hyper irritable (kind of like PMS x 100)...the alcoholic frequently (secretly) resents anyone who has come between them and the bottle. It is like "we" are the ones who are denying them the ability to drink. They are doing this for "US".
In reality, they should be doing it for themselves, primarily, but, usually don't see it like that.
So..these secret resentments toward us come flying out at us at almost any minor irritation.

I have to laugh at your remark....the irony that we would thank them for staying sober.....LOL!

dandylion