First Court Date
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
First Court Date
So our first court date concerning custody is Friday.
We already have a "temporary" agreement that was written up in mediation.
My question to all of you is: How likely is it for the judge to completely change that arrangement?
I know exabf might still go for 50/50. Right now he gets every other weekend and dinner visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would like to ask to get it switched to just Wednesdays, staying out that late for her and for myself is too much 2 days a week.
Also, his weekends alternate from Friday-Sunday to Saturday-Sunday. I would like to ask for it to be a straight forward Friday-Sunday, because I think that it would be simpler for everyone.
So again, What is your experience with the judge and changing the schedule the child already has? I am okay with keeping it the way it is now, but I would prefer it to be a little simpler.
We already have a "temporary" agreement that was written up in mediation.
My question to all of you is: How likely is it for the judge to completely change that arrangement?
I know exabf might still go for 50/50. Right now he gets every other weekend and dinner visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would like to ask to get it switched to just Wednesdays, staying out that late for her and for myself is too much 2 days a week.
Also, his weekends alternate from Friday-Sunday to Saturday-Sunday. I would like to ask for it to be a straight forward Friday-Sunday, because I think that it would be simpler for everyone.
So again, What is your experience with the judge and changing the schedule the child already has? I am okay with keeping it the way it is now, but I would prefer it to be a little simpler.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't think anyone (except maybe a lawyer who practices in your jurisdiction) would be able to predict how likely a judge would be to make changes. Most places it varies greatly from one judge to the next.
My suggestion is that you make notes of your reasons (as succinct and uncomplicated as possible), and state those when you are asking for the change. Be ready to back it up if necessary.
My suggestion is that you make notes of your reasons (as succinct and uncomplicated as possible), and state those when you are asking for the change. Be ready to back it up if necessary.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Just ask for what you want and back it up. The standard is every other weekend, Friday night through Sunday evening, alternating holidays, and one mid week dinner visit. Anything more than that requires you to be a cooperative coparenting couple, so you might also have to show why the additional, alternating, all over the place time is an additional burden since you have to coordinate and have more contact.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Thanks ladies!
Florence - I wrote a "proposed" schedule with revisions....and to be honest, if we switched it to Friday-Sunday every other weekend and every Wednesday night for dinner, he would actually see her more hours per month. That's a plus for him I guess, But the biggest plus would be not running her ragged two nights a week.
I listed my reasons:
-staying out late 2 nights a week interrupts her bedtime/bathing routine
-Thursdays she has ballet and he picks her up from me from there....by the time she does ballet and sees him she is exhausted and emotional.
- Switching to a standard every other weekend fri-sun (instead of every other weekend and those alternating fri-sun and sat-sun) would be less confusing for all parties involved.
Florence - I wrote a "proposed" schedule with revisions....and to be honest, if we switched it to Friday-Sunday every other weekend and every Wednesday night for dinner, he would actually see her more hours per month. That's a plus for him I guess, But the biggest plus would be not running her ragged two nights a week.
I listed my reasons:
-staying out late 2 nights a week interrupts her bedtime/bathing routine
-Thursdays she has ballet and he picks her up from me from there....by the time she does ballet and sees him she is exhausted and emotional.
- Switching to a standard every other weekend fri-sun (instead of every other weekend and those alternating fri-sun and sat-sun) would be less confusing for all parties involved.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Okay I have another question
I had to re-file for child support last week (somehow didn't get put on summons first time) and the new summons for it came in yesterday. Luckily, it is going to be discussed in court Friday too, instead of a whole new court date.
Should I bring my income information? paystubs, tax return and such?
I had to re-file for child support last week (somehow didn't get put on summons first time) and the new summons for it came in yesterday. Luckily, it is going to be discussed in court Friday too, instead of a whole new court date.
Should I bring my income information? paystubs, tax return and such?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by Blossom717 
Thanks ladies!
Florence - I wrote a "proposed" schedule with revisions....and to be honest, if we switched it to Friday-Sunday every other weekend and every Wednesday night for dinner, he would actually see her more hours per month. That's a plus for him I guess, But the biggest plus would be not running her ragged two nights a week.
I listed my reasons:
-staying out late 2 nights a week interrupts her bedtime/bathing routine
-Thursdays she has ballet and he picks her up from me from there....by the time she does ballet and sees him she is exhausted and emotional.
- Switching to a standard every other weekend fri-sun (instead of every other weekend and those alternating fri-sun and sat-sun) would be less confusing for all parties involved.
Florence - I wrote a "proposed" schedule with revisions....and to be honest, if we switched it to Friday-Sunday every other weekend and every Wednesday night for dinner, he would actually see her more hours per month. That's a plus for him I guess, But the biggest plus would be not running her ragged two nights a week.
I listed my reasons:
-staying out late 2 nights a week interrupts her bedtime/bathing routine
-Thursdays she has ballet and he picks her up from me from there....by the time she does ballet and sees him she is exhausted and emotional.
- Switching to a standard every other weekend fri-sun (instead of every other weekend and those alternating fri-sun and sat-sun) would be less confusing for all parties involved.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Okay thank you ladies! I have put recent paystubs and my 2013 tax return in the court file. I called the daycare and they are going to give me a statement of what I've paid and what he has paid (he pays half now).
I'm getting nervous. I know its just the initial court date, but there is always that fear of making sure you are doing what is best for the little one!
I'm getting nervous. I know its just the initial court date, but there is always that fear of making sure you are doing what is best for the little one!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Blossom, are there things you can agree on in the temporary arrangement?
If so the judge will look at what you can agree on & make that into an order.
I couldn't predict the outcome of my final court hearing & really I didn't get everything I wanted & neither did XH. Judge varied outcome as he saw fit.
If you are wanting to make variations for routine etc then definitely go for it.
I alternate days in each week & it is a right pain.
Good luck.
If so the judge will look at what you can agree on & make that into an order.
I couldn't predict the outcome of my final court hearing & really I didn't get everything I wanted & neither did XH. Judge varied outcome as he saw fit.
If you are wanting to make variations for routine etc then definitely go for it.
I alternate days in each week & it is a right pain.
Good luck.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah, I was going to suggest that. Are you two on speaking terms? He might go for it--after all, it means he'd be getting full weekends every weekend he has her. You could present it like this, "I'm a little concerned that two evenings a week during the week will be pretty tiring for her. How about if we make it one night a week for dinner, and in exchange, you can have a full weekend, rather than only an overnight, the weekends you have her?" If he says no, you can still make your pitch to the judge. But if he WERE to agree, it would all be settled.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
No idea what to tell you about the judge... The judge in my town is erratic, and unpredictable... So I settled with my crazy xAH before we went to court to avoid arbitrary judgment from a judge...
Praying for a good outcome for you!
Praying for a good outcome for you!
Originally Posted by Blossom717
So our first court date concerning custody is Friday.
We already have a "temporary" agreement that was written up in mediation.
My question to all of you is: How likely is it for the judge to completely change that arrangement?
I know exabf might still go for 50/50. Right now he gets every other weekend and dinner visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would like to ask to get it switched to just Wednesdays, staying out that late for her and for myself is too much 2 days a week.
Also, his weekends alternate from Friday-Sunday to Saturday-Sunday. I would like to ask for it to be a straight forward Friday-Sunday, because I think that it would be simpler for everyone.
So again, What is your experience with the judge and changing the schedule the child already has? I am okay with keeping it the way it is now, but I would prefer it to be a little simpler.
We already have a "temporary" agreement that was written up in mediation.
My question to all of you is: How likely is it for the judge to completely change that arrangement?
I know exabf might still go for 50/50. Right now he gets every other weekend and dinner visits on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I would like to ask to get it switched to just Wednesdays, staying out that late for her and for myself is too much 2 days a week.
Also, his weekends alternate from Friday-Sunday to Saturday-Sunday. I would like to ask for it to be a straight forward Friday-Sunday, because I think that it would be simpler for everyone.
So again, What is your experience with the judge and changing the schedule the child already has? I am okay with keeping it the way it is now, but I would prefer it to be a little simpler.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Hey! it was a huge waste of time.
1 - I missed half a day's work which I can't afford.
2 - We went in front of the judge for 5 minutes. She simply said that she will wait until after our next mediation date in February to take anything to court.
3- That includes child support ....I have to wait until mediation in Feb to figure out support.
When I said something about that she just stated "well, its retroactive." yea. I get that. But what about her needs now? They are the same as they will be in February. And yea, right now if I ask exabf to get her groceries or clothes he will gladly do it. He will invite me to come with him (no thanks) and then make me sign the receipt. But what about the other stuff?
I'm ranting, sorry. I'm frustrated because I can't afford to change my oil right now and its past due, I can't afford to go to the doctor for a cough I've had for a month, I had to borrow money from my mom to pay part of the child care fees. She also had a fever last night and I had no idea how I was going to pay for a doctor visit and afford to miss more work with out asking him to help pay. Luckily her fever went down through the night.
It probably sounds selfish or stupid that I want to avoid asking him for things. When I do, he documents it, tries to coerce me into going and making it a family grocery trip, and then makes snide comments about how his house is "stockpiled" with food. Oh, and we always manage to run into one of his friends who he informs that he is buying dd food for "her mom's house".
I'm very cranky today.
1 - I missed half a day's work which I can't afford.
2 - We went in front of the judge for 5 minutes. She simply said that she will wait until after our next mediation date in February to take anything to court.
3- That includes child support ....I have to wait until mediation in Feb to figure out support.
When I said something about that she just stated "well, its retroactive." yea. I get that. But what about her needs now? They are the same as they will be in February. And yea, right now if I ask exabf to get her groceries or clothes he will gladly do it. He will invite me to come with him (no thanks) and then make me sign the receipt. But what about the other stuff?
I'm ranting, sorry. I'm frustrated because I can't afford to change my oil right now and its past due, I can't afford to go to the doctor for a cough I've had for a month, I had to borrow money from my mom to pay part of the child care fees. She also had a fever last night and I had no idea how I was going to pay for a doctor visit and afford to miss more work with out asking him to help pay. Luckily her fever went down through the night.
It probably sounds selfish or stupid that I want to avoid asking him for things. When I do, he documents it, tries to coerce me into going and making it a family grocery trip, and then makes snide comments about how his house is "stockpiled" with food. Oh, and we always manage to run into one of his friends who he informs that he is buying dd food for "her mom's house".
I'm very cranky today.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I'm sorry Blossom. I HATE when people who have lots of money at their disposal don't understand the needs that are RIGHT NOW. Ugh.
So would he agree to reimburse you so he does not have the opportunity to make it a "together" trip? What an a$$.
I hope you feel better very soon, and I hope in Feb he gets his butt kicked in court.
So would he agree to reimburse you so he does not have the opportunity to make it a "together" trip? What an a$$.
I hope you feel better very soon, and I hope in Feb he gets his butt kicked in court.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Thanks for the support, its more appreciated than y'all know!
I sold my winter carhartt coat last night so I could have some cash for the oil change, and luckily I've gotten all of DD's Christmas gifts. I try really hard not to let her notice my stress....she keeps asking to go "shopping" (exabf takes her shopping all the time) and I've ran out of excuses, so I just say "no money". Her reply? "Daddy has money!"
I don't say anything back, other than uh-huh, lets go color. lol. I know right now he is trying to make it look like he can provide more activities for her. It wouldn't bother me so much except for when we were walking out the court house he actually told me I needed to "smile more" and asked if I'd like to go to the botantical gardens this week with them to look at the lights....
I sold my winter carhartt coat last night so I could have some cash for the oil change, and luckily I've gotten all of DD's Christmas gifts. I try really hard not to let her notice my stress....she keeps asking to go "shopping" (exabf takes her shopping all the time) and I've ran out of excuses, so I just say "no money". Her reply? "Daddy has money!"
I don't say anything back, other than uh-huh, lets go color. lol. I know right now he is trying to make it look like he can provide more activities for her. It wouldn't bother me so much except for when we were walking out the court house he actually told me I needed to "smile more" and asked if I'd like to go to the botantical gardens this week with them to look at the lights....
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
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Blossom bring everything in order and correct show the judge and the other Lawyer how responsibale you are and in tune to the kids and how life needs to continue for you all.. prayers my Dear so many Prayrs. hope this works out well for you and for the kids...a Mom that went thro it all.. 1980's
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