Brave

Hi everyone,

I'm doing pretty good since I last updated. When I look back it's hard to believe all the things that have happened in the past year. Especially the last few months, with my cancer scare and my (then) separated AH falling off the wagon and blowing all our money.

About 2 weeks ago, he was arrested for DWI. I don't want to give too many details, but it has gotten a lot of media coverage in my area. It's been difficult to say the least. I feel very exposed, especially at my work place, as everyone is now finding out what's been going on. It's hard to see him go through this as well, without wanting to step in and try to help. On the flip side, I'm much more removed from the firestorm than I would be if we were still together. I also have to remind myself that, if we were still together, he'd be taking all this out on me.

I was always afraid this would happen, and am glad that at least no one was hurt. But it is confirmation for me that he really does have a problem. He is getting help and he seems like he may be 'getting it' this time. I really hope he does, but that's his journey, not mine.

Two days after that, last Monday, we got word that the divorce was final. It happened so quick. It's just a lot to process all at once. I've been continuing counseling, getting finances separated, found a part time waitressing job in addition to my full time teaching job, and just adopted two kittens.

All in all, I have definitely been feeling the stress, but I'm trying to be strong. I still care about him a great deal, but I know I'm where I need to be for *me.* Hoping that this is the last of the "hits" for a while...I need some peace!

lillamy

I'm glad you have those two fur balls -- there's nothing quite like a fuzzy little critter to keep you company on days when the stress level seems higher than others.

And it sounds like his DWI gave you some kind of sense that you did do the right thing here, that he really does have a problem. It also sounds like the contrast between his life (highly publicized DWI) and yours (calm and progressing) also accentuates the wisdom of your choice.

I hope you feel more calm every day. (((hugs)))

FireSprite

I'm so sorry to read your update, but can't help but think, "GO, Brave!!"

You are showing such amazing composure & strength during what is obviously a very stressful time. I know EXACTLY how you feel - when my AF was arrested for drug charges & it was all over the local news I was just a young teen. I felt like the entire world had a finger of judgment pointed right at me & it was horrible.

(((((((((HUGS))))))))

Brave

Thank you! I felt really stressed & upset about it right after it happened, and it does still come in waves from time to time.

Overall, I'm doing ok though. The divorce being final is still pretty surreal. I'm focused on doing positive things for me right now though to help deal w/everything; I know I'll become used to my new life in time.

lillamy

And can I just say I want to move to your state? State of Clarity is where I aim for ending up. Maybe when I retire.

maia1234

Brave- You are an inspiration to all of us!!!!

This is what we all want to attain. Peace during the storm!!

Good for you with all the hard work of what you have accomplished. I hope to have that soon, as divorce is on October 29 and house sold November 12.

I too wish for that serenity that I see you have.

Bless you and keep Strong!!

Jaeger

Brave - your story is one that has always stuck out to me. I remember when you first posted and I was so worried about you. The situation seemed so volatile. You took steps quickly and took care of yourself, even though I know it was not easy. Look how strong and determined you are! You've got this! You can do this!

amy55

Hi Brave,

I think you are doing terrific. And 2 fur babies. I also did that as soon as I could after I bought my house. They are much better company. I remember when you came here that you talked about your mother referring to you as very "brave". You certainly are.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Brave

Thanks so much everybody! My new kittens (Wayne & Garth) are keeping me on my toes. They broke my piggy bank and absconded with a roll of toilet paper this morning. LOL. But they are pretty cute and are both very lovable, so they make up for all the shenanigans.

Things are calm right now with XH's DWI, although the media will pick it up again once he's in court. I did tell him that I'm here for him if he needs me, but we haven't really talked much. It's odd that, once all the financial ties are taken care off, I may not really see or talk to my XH anymore at all. I can't imagine that...we were together for 9 years. I guess that's my next hurdle, just getting to true acceptance with everything. Learning from it and moving on. The thought of dating again kinda makes me want to puke though- haha.

LilAmy, I'd give you directions to the State of Clarity--- but I can't really remember exactly how I got here. ;-)

Florence

WAYNE AND GARTH! AAAAAAH! I love it.