What happened that was your last straw
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 94
My husband threw one of the dogs out of a window in the middle of the night and broke his leg. Had gone twice before, once when he threatened my adult son with a poker, once in the middle of the night when he was crashing through the house slamming doors and trashing stuff. I don't understand now why I waited for another 'incident' to go finally - there was more than enough abuse to justify leaving before these.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
I've had so many incidents with AH that I thought were my "last straw" and then I've let him come back...
But my most recent one was him threatening to murder me. I had him locked out of the house, but he squeezed in through the doggie door, and came upstairs where the kids and I were sleeping, and began threatening my life, telling me the ways in which he would like to murder me, and burn my parents house down. This went on for about 30 minutes. While I don't THINK he would follow through with anything like that, I really don't know. He has done so many things drunk that I never thought he would have been capable of doing... so you just never know
But my most recent one was him threatening to murder me. I had him locked out of the house, but he squeezed in through the doggie door, and came upstairs where the kids and I were sleeping, and began threatening my life, telling me the ways in which he would like to murder me, and burn my parents house down. This went on for about 30 minutes. While I don't THINK he would follow through with anything like that, I really don't know. He has done so many things drunk that I never thought he would have been capable of doing... so you just never know
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Bullfrog 
Hiding in the back yard with my baby, while he raged inside the house. Then my daughter saying, "I hope that my husband won't talk to me the way Daddy talks to you."
That was it.
That was it.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
He put on one of his "displays" in front of about 10 of my family members (all who had loved him like their own, not knowing anything) on a family vacation in front of my 2 small kids. Then continued to dig himself deeper by insulting people in my family right to their face. It was mortifying.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
It was a long night of a drunk tantrum, he'd had many before(yelling, house shaking music, etc) but this one, something in me just snapped. I realized it the next day when i couldn't stop crying. Gut wrenching sobs even. Looking back, i was mourning the end of the marriage.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 59
When he stood me up for ~ the 20th time during our separation where we were supposed to be "working on things" . I finally felt inside my soul that I didn't deserve to be disrespected that way.
And just before that final incident I had been talking with my high school boyfriend from 20+ years ago about the disrespect, cheating and verbal abuse and he said to me "did you ever hear your dad speak to your mom that way?" And it stopped me dead in my tracks - no, I did not grow up with that model of behavior... And I never observed it in my friends' homes either. That really got me thinking - I never ever saw my dad call my mom a name, belittle her, stand her up with no explanation, come home drunk hours after the expected ETA, etc etc. Somehow the sum total of all of that finally hit me and I said ENOUGH.
And just before that final incident I had been talking with my high school boyfriend from 20+ years ago about the disrespect, cheating and verbal abuse and he said to me "did you ever hear your dad speak to your mom that way?" And it stopped me dead in my tracks - no, I did not grow up with that model of behavior... And I never observed it in my friends' homes either. That really got me thinking - I never ever saw my dad call my mom a name, belittle her, stand her up with no explanation, come home drunk hours after the expected ETA, etc etc. Somehow the sum total of all of that finally hit me and I said ENOUGH.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 485
Six months ago, I woke up to him drunk. It was really out of character that he'd be drunk early. I was usually prepared when he drank - it only happened when he went out with the guys. I was instantly uncomfortable. I started gathering some things and told him I was leaving with our boys. He didn't like that. He followed me into the office and cornered me,
putting his hand around my throat. Scared me to death.
Our little boy walked in, fortunately we heard him coming and AH had removed his hand, but my son knew something was wrong. I walked out the door with the boys and we went to a hotel. I never went back. I knew that from that point on, if I stayed, I'd be teaching my boys that abuse is okay. And the worry in my son's eyes is something I never want to see again.
putting his hand around my throat. Scared me to death.
Our little boy walked in, fortunately we heard him coming and AH had removed his hand, but my son knew something was wrong. I walked out the door with the boys and we went to a hotel. I never went back. I knew that from that point on, if I stayed, I'd be teaching my boys that abuse is okay. And the worry in my son's eyes is something I never want to see again.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 18
He had a seizure on a Saturday morning at home while the kids were watching cartoons. Even after the doctors in the ER informed him that the "jig was up" and we all knew it was alcohol, he continued to deny it and claimed he was "in recovery" and had only had ONE slip up, 10 days before.
I had been believing him until that day in the ER. It all clicked for me right there. Decided I would NEVER let that happen to me or my children, or even take the chance of it happening, again.
I had been believing him until that day in the ER. It all clicked for me right there. Decided I would NEVER let that happen to me or my children, or even take the chance of it happening, again.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
Well -- there were many "last straws" before the actual last straw that made me leave. Most of them had to do with the kids. I mean, when your kids start saying "why don't you leave Dad?" and "how much abuse are you going to put up with, Mom?" -- that's when I started planning.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Tough reading some of these.
I had no single one last straw. I had reached my limit of never agains after the 5th or 6th alcoholic fueled rage on me. This had already had one known instance of cheating that went along with them. (Now I am certain there were more than one instance) But stupid me, thought it wouldn't happen again. Because..well I'm better than what she had had. According to her that is.
So after No.6 and she goes to AA I thought...OK maybe there is hope. Until I found out that the cheating was still going on even though she claimed she was no longer drinking.
But that just made me feel downright stupid about myself and it didn't really matter any more if she may recover. I couldn't live with how I felt about allowing myself to stay with her.
Looking back, I had too many "last straws" for too many years. I just stupided myself into going on longer.
I own that I should have walked long before I did. Stupid me....thinking she'd get better. In the end I learned that the stories she told me about her abusive ex, that allowed her to find "shelter" in my life, was in reality she was cheating on her ex because he was in the process of throwing her out of his life for the same reasons I eventually did. I just bought into all the lies and set aside redflags.
Stupid Stupid Stupid. Trust your gut.
Thanks for the thread. Nice to occasionally remind myself of the stupidity we once were.
I had no single one last straw. I had reached my limit of never agains after the 5th or 6th alcoholic fueled rage on me. This had already had one known instance of cheating that went along with them. (Now I am certain there were more than one instance) But stupid me, thought it wouldn't happen again. Because..well I'm better than what she had had. According to her that is.
So after No.6 and she goes to AA I thought...OK maybe there is hope. Until I found out that the cheating was still going on even though she claimed she was no longer drinking.
But that just made me feel downright stupid about myself and it didn't really matter any more if she may recover. I couldn't live with how I felt about allowing myself to stay with her.
Looking back, I had too many "last straws" for too many years. I just stupided myself into going on longer.
I own that I should have walked long before I did. Stupid me....thinking she'd get better. In the end I learned that the stories she told me about her abusive ex, that allowed her to find "shelter" in my life, was in reality she was cheating on her ex because he was in the process of throwing her out of his life for the same reasons I eventually did. I just bought into all the lies and set aside redflags.
Stupid Stupid Stupid. Trust your gut.
Thanks for the thread. Nice to occasionally remind myself of the stupidity we once were.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
I too had too many last straws to count. I had turned into a joke.-my words "I can't do this anymore" was just as worthless as his "I won't drink again and hurt you". Being abused and torn down on so many occasions but then begging him to stay-bc he had my head so twisted. Too many last straws. However, forever grateful I actually had a last straw. My life now is a million times better than the last few years of our marriage, all because of the final last straw. It wasn't a drunk incident-funny thing was the final straw had nothing to do with him-yes, I knew he was lying, it's what he does best. But I had the courage and strength and knowledge to say NO. That was my last straw. Thanks be to God.
P.S. This thread is very hard to read-I was crying while reading it but it's soooo helpful to others that are new, like I was years ago, here bc it makes you realize you are NOT alone. Thanks for bumping, dandy.
P.S. This thread is very hard to read-I was crying while reading it but it's soooo helpful to others that are new, like I was years ago, here bc it makes you realize you are NOT alone. Thanks for bumping, dandy.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 142
When he abused me sober in front of our screaming infant. Not saying that anyone should wait until that point, but for me thats when I knew I had to give up hope that he would stop being the violent person he was, that it wasnt just the addiction; it was who he truly was. Realistically I had left him in my heart long before that.
He had been "sober" for a few months when he abused me for the last time. And I say "sober" because he still smoked weed and honestly he always hid drinking from me so who really knows? But he wasn't drunk or high in that moment, I had been with him all day. I told him afterwards I wanted a divorce and unlike all the times before I set in motion the wheels to end it, and I kicked him out and never looked back.
I held on hope for a long time that he wasn't the alcoholic but that he was "temporarily sick" and would get better, but since I have learned he was and is the person he presents. Sober or drunk. The effects of his drinking on his brain and body will likely never go away. As far as I know hes been sober a year now and still acts as irrational as ever.
He had been "sober" for a few months when he abused me for the last time. And I say "sober" because he still smoked weed and honestly he always hid drinking from me so who really knows? But he wasn't drunk or high in that moment, I had been with him all day. I told him afterwards I wanted a divorce and unlike all the times before I set in motion the wheels to end it, and I kicked him out and never looked back.
I held on hope for a long time that he wasn't the alcoholic but that he was "temporarily sick" and would get better, but since I have learned he was and is the person he presents. Sober or drunk. The effects of his drinking on his brain and body will likely never go away. As far as I know hes been sober a year now and still acts as irrational as ever.
He didn't stop at one experience. 5 times in total...during a dark 6 month period of binge drinking. There were other straws, but it took this revelation to finally let go.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Forourgirls
I too had too many last straws to count. I had turned into a joke.-my words "I can't do this anymore" was just as worthless as his "I won't drink again and hurt you".
Originally Posted by Forourgirls
P.S. This thread is very hard to read-I was crying while reading it but it's soooo helpful to others that are new, like I was years ago, here bc it makes you realize you are NOT alone. Thanks for bumping, dandy.
*This* moment, that I talk about up-thread ^, was defining because even without knowing a word of recovery-speak, I grew a backbone & realized that I had to stand up for Me... that I, as a person, had somehow gotten completely lost in all of this. I obviously wasn't getting the respect I was giving & hadn't been for far too long. I needed to start respecting myself again, as a starting place. *This* was that place, for me.
Interestingly, it would be almost 8 more full months before RAH came out about his secret drinking & identified as an alcoholic, which brought me SR & my education on addiction. During that interim was when everything shifted & I started to learn to balance my need for control (external: about him) and my need to be a healthy person, independent of him. What I'd been doing was not working, obviously. I figured I couldn't lose MORE by putting that same focus on me instead..... at the very worst, I'd have to make incidental progress, you know? I wanted to LIKE MYSELF again & to do that I needed to be able to respect myself first.
By the time I arrived at recovery "officially" I was already in a great head-space to understand the need to put on my own oxygen mask & let my qualifier mind his own side of the street.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Like FOG and Hanging, I had many "last straws."
I knew he drank too much before I entered the relationship. I told him I thought he drank too much, he told me he would probably never quit drinking. We moved in together 6 months later. So in love.
1 year in I told him I couldn't live with his drinking forever. He wasn't remembering what I thought were meaningful conversations, and everything we did involved alcohol. I started watching his drinking and realized it was a lot. I tried to keep up at times.
2 Years in I told him I had to go. He said he'd get a handle on it if I would stop being so controlling. I was already here in SR and knew this was a quack, but wanted to believe we were different. He no longer drove in the evenings because he was always drunk, and he was bagging out on anything that didn't involve alcohol. I was counting the bottles he went through each week. I was becoming so angry and embarrassed.
3 years in, his behavior at times became completely unacceptable. Raging, blaming, just crazy - this lasted the next 2 years and got crazier, more scathing, vengeful, and disrespectful. I quit trusting him when he was away from me. I was cold and hateful towards him often.
4 years in I told him I was gone and he quit drinking. For 12 days. The insanity ramped up. From borderline physical arguments, to inappropriateness with other women, to crazy aggression, to lies and more lies. I stopped being angry and just felt sorry for him. I was dying inside.
5 years in I actually did leave after one final INSANE rage that I recorded and keep with me today, just in case I got weak. He quit drinking for 2 months. When he started again, my dad was dying, my job was in question, and I had finally had enough. The pain of keeping on was FINALLY too much. I blocked him, from everything, and life hasn't been this good in a long, LONG time.
I want to continue my recovery, and I cannot do it with him anywhere near my life. I don't know what the future holds, but it is infinitely more beautiful to think about without that mess around me.
For anyone wondering when their last straw will be, it'll come - when you need it, and nothing will stop you.
I knew he drank too much before I entered the relationship. I told him I thought he drank too much, he told me he would probably never quit drinking. We moved in together 6 months later. So in love.
1 year in I told him I couldn't live with his drinking forever. He wasn't remembering what I thought were meaningful conversations, and everything we did involved alcohol. I started watching his drinking and realized it was a lot. I tried to keep up at times.
2 Years in I told him I had to go. He said he'd get a handle on it if I would stop being so controlling. I was already here in SR and knew this was a quack, but wanted to believe we were different. He no longer drove in the evenings because he was always drunk, and he was bagging out on anything that didn't involve alcohol. I was counting the bottles he went through each week. I was becoming so angry and embarrassed.
3 years in, his behavior at times became completely unacceptable. Raging, blaming, just crazy - this lasted the next 2 years and got crazier, more scathing, vengeful, and disrespectful. I quit trusting him when he was away from me. I was cold and hateful towards him often.
4 years in I told him I was gone and he quit drinking. For 12 days. The insanity ramped up. From borderline physical arguments, to inappropriateness with other women, to crazy aggression, to lies and more lies. I stopped being angry and just felt sorry for him. I was dying inside.
5 years in I actually did leave after one final INSANE rage that I recorded and keep with me today, just in case I got weak. He quit drinking for 2 months. When he started again, my dad was dying, my job was in question, and I had finally had enough. The pain of keeping on was FINALLY too much. I blocked him, from everything, and life hasn't been this good in a long, LONG time.
I want to continue my recovery, and I cannot do it with him anywhere near my life. I don't know what the future holds, but it is infinitely more beautiful to think about without that mess around me.
For anyone wondering when their last straw will be, it'll come - when you need it, and nothing will stop you.
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