iamthird

I went from on here like 3x per day to haven't posted anything in awhile. I had been doing well in all aspects of my recovery. 4 days ago I found out that separated AH had the enabling gf he cheated on me with
move in. In the 2 years we have been separated, he has never had DD6 around anyone else. He always portrayed to DD6 that he is married to her mom, loves her mom but we just don't live together because he has a problem. Even up until a week ago he was asking me to dinner, etc...

We agreed that we would sit DD6 down and explain we are getting divorced before we exposed her to any "third parties". He agreed. Then all of a sudden, he blindsides me and he only told me because he knew DD6 would tell me when she got home.

I feel like once I think he cannot hurt me anymore, he does. He already told me he knows it is a mistake but he doesn't have the fortitude to get sober so he might as well share expenses with her so he can help
Me more financially. Really? Thanks for that! Lol. He said he goes to bed everynight knowing he wants to be sleeping to me but he knows he won't be sober and I wouldn't put up with all that. Ugh.

Anyway, I hugged DD6 a little tighter this weekend, took he to see Dolphin Tale 2. Just trying to get through this weekend.

honeypig

Hark, I hear the quacking of an A! Honestly--what a load...

I'm so sorry you even have to listen to such crap. This is so clearly not a statement any healthy, caring person would make. I know you feel hurt, and I'm sorry you do, but you deserve sooooo much better than this!

Can I suggest coming around here (and/or Alanon) more regularly? I've kind of had a mini-meltdown myself recently and although I was feeling like "where did THIS come from, out of the blue?", it was not out of the blue. It came from my failure to use the tools I've learned about and falling back into my same old hole. I know I have the means to climb out if I just use what I've learned. It could likely be the same for you.

((((hugs)))) Wishing you strength and clarity.

lillamy

Remind me: Why are you still separated and not divorced? It would seem that with his current situation -- sharing expenses with a live-in girlfriend -- you'd be in an excellent situation to get a good divorce agreement...

iamthird

I am just getting on my feet financially from being ill for almost 2 years. The cancer is in remission but my medical bills are in excess of $200k so I am having to file bankruptcy. I was laid off almost a few months after I returned back to work full time so getting divorced was not at the forefront of my priorities. We had a financial and visitation agreement that has been in place and have never veered from. I was trying to attack things in order. My bankruptcy court date is at end of this month and then I can start working on divorce attorney. I don't qualify for a fee waiver in my county because I make too much money. Catch 22.

I am ok with the logistics. I am just having a hard time as the disease progresses. On way to Alanon meeting tonight.

Rosiepetal

I am so sorry for your hurt & it is understandable you feel the way you do.
Everything your ex is feeding you is just making you feel worse.
Bottom line is he doesn't want to get sober & he has found another enabler.
So glad to hear you're in remission, you've been through a lot.
Hugs.

iamthird

I will say I had to giggle because he was already drunk emailing me. Email is our only method of communication for DD6.

iamthird

I found this picture under dd6 pillow. Its obviously me (my fave color is purple), her dad(he always wears black) and her. It breaks my heart cuz its on her mind. I know I cant shield her from pain and can only be there to lift her up. How A's emotionally abandon their children is gut wrenching.

Rosiepetal

I had pictures like this for a long time even though Daddy was living with another women.
They still used to draw us as a family whole.
PS: My favourite colour is also purple