Originally Posted by mischa1
If I even get a glimmer of feeling for him I read hope works post. And there is another one about collecting red flags. Hahaha. It was tough to hear but totally true. I'm so glad I found this site. I feel stupid but I guess we all do. I'm just glad he didn't keep up his farce after we were married. If he hadn't changed so much so fast I would have been really roped in. I'm not going to have any contact with him at all. He doesn't love me he never did he never will. I'm preparing for him to try to come back. He won't get his stuff from my place. I'm packing it up this weekend and putting it on the balcony so I can throw it over to whomever he gets to pick it up. Everyone here is fabulous. No one judging me for getting caught in this spiders web. Thank you. I already feel stupid. Lol. But!!!!! It's never too late to make a change in your life. I'll be reading stickies today at work.
You aren't stupid AT ALL. You are a person who operates in a loving and logical way. Unfortunately, those great qualities are wasted on someone like him. If I might add something else….I am an alcoholic in recovery. While there are some things I wish I could change I never became violent, or cruel or mean even when I was drinking. And I know from being here there are many of us, men and women, who are alcoholics who struggled, but never became abusive. I think even if you remove the alcohol the personality traits that manifested aren't likely to disappear. He sounds like a ticking time bomb who has some major issues apart from alcohol. Your OP was troubling and I am so so glad you are listening to your gut. I am not sure how much reading your have done on NPD…but the Jekyll/Hyde personality switch is usually a pretty big characteristic. To the unwitting victim you get drawn in, and when you are hooked they turn on you. Sadly, logic does not apply with narcs. And as far as guilt and feeling responsible…if he is a true narc, that is outside of his capability. One out of every 25 people is thought to be afflicted, and often they appear to be the most charming, charismatic people to the rest of the world.
That is the part that becomes so confusing for the victim. At one point the sun shined on you, you were the golden girl. And you see them treating other people with kindness, and others responding so you keep trying to recontour yourself to regain that position. As soon as this transfer happens, and they see you begin to lose your footing, they pull the rug out from under you.
It is very, very confusing, and narcs leave a wide path of destruction, there are a lot of websites devoted to their victims. As has been stated here, you are very, very wise to have realized this issue so quickly before he completely decimated your soul. Expect the charm to be turned on full force, and when you don't respond, the nastiness will double. My guess is even (and that is a big even) if he gets sober, he has a very long road ahead, and the prognosis for narcs is not great.
You sound like a very intelligent and amazing woman!