mischa1

If I even get a glimmer of feeling for him I read hope works post. And there is another one about collecting red flags. Hahaha. It was tough to hear but totally true. I'm so glad I found this site. I feel stupid but I guess we all do. I'm just glad he didn't keep up his farce after we were married. If he hadn't changed so much so fast I would have been really roped in. I'm not going to have any contact with him at all. He doesn't love me he never did he never will. I'm preparing for him to try to come back. He won't get his stuff from my place. I'm packing it up this weekend and putting it on the balcony so I can throw it over to whomever he gets to pick it up. Everyone here is fabulous. No one judging me for getting caught in this spiders web. Thank you. I already feel stupid. Lol. But!!!!! It's never too late to make a change in your life. I'll be reading stickies today at work.

jaynie04

You aren't stupid AT ALL. You are a person who operates in a loving and logical way. Unfortunately, those great qualities are wasted on someone like him. If I might add something else….I am an alcoholic in recovery. While there are some things I wish I could change I never became violent, or cruel or mean even when I was drinking. And I know from being here there are many of us, men and women, who are alcoholics who struggled, but never became abusive. I think even if you remove the alcohol the personality traits that manifested aren't likely to disappear. He sounds like a ticking time bomb who has some major issues apart from alcohol. Your OP was troubling and I am so so glad you are listening to your gut. I am not sure how much reading your have done on NPD…but the Jekyll/Hyde personality switch is usually a pretty big characteristic. To the unwitting victim you get drawn in, and when you are hooked they turn on you. Sadly, logic does not apply with narcs. And as far as guilt and feeling responsible…if he is a true narc, that is outside of his capability. One out of every 25 people is thought to be afflicted, and often they appear to be the most charming, charismatic people to the rest of the world.

That is the part that becomes so confusing for the victim. At one point the sun shined on you, you were the golden girl. And you see them treating other people with kindness, and others responding so you keep trying to recontour yourself to regain that position. As soon as this transfer happens, and they see you begin to lose your footing, they pull the rug out from under you.

It is very, very confusing, and narcs leave a wide path of destruction, there are a lot of websites devoted to their victims. As has been stated here, you are very, very wise to have realized this issue so quickly before he completely decimated your soul. Expect the charm to be turned on full force, and when you don't respond, the nastiness will double. My guess is even (and that is a big even) if he gets sober, he has a very long road ahead, and the prognosis for narcs is not great.

You sound like a very intelligent and amazing woman!

mischa1

I'm trying to make a plan for when he comes back. I know he will. I need things calm so I'm going to play the game a little to keep him from exploding. He can't come to the house at all but I will see him and let him and play along until I get my car back. It's broken down and he is a mechanic so he has been "fixing" it for 3 months. It took so long I went out and bought a new car with no trade in. Thank god I wasn't so ruined I couldn't do that. I know that was his plan. To keep me out of a car and dependent on him to go to work. Jokes on him. I'm very independent. But I need to get that car back if possible bc I can get a few hundred bucks and I need it all right now. The whole time I'm playing nicely nicely I will be secretly attacking with my lawyer. I'm sober so I think clearly and remember everything. He told me he is drinking all the time again so he doesn't remember most things. I'm using that to my advantage. I feel like it's all strategy now and I don't need him freaking out on me somewhere if he stalks me and I fully expect that to start anytime now.

The only people I'm hanging out with are my son and my best girlfriend. I'm trying to stay home so it looks like I am pining away for him. I want him to think he has a chance so he doesn't start showing up at my work and trying to get me fired. I want a restraining order with my divorce so when it's done I'm protected to some degree.

Refiner

You have described a MONSTER and need help to determine why you say you love him. Please get help for yourself. You need an annulment, too. BIG mistake. Sorry for your pain.

doureallycare2

So sorry you have this pain and decision to make. Your post Actually helped me get through a ruff night last night. I wanted to reach out so bad. I held back until I bled after reading your post. It's going to be harder then you can imagine for you to leave.. To run as everyone says... But your worth the pain.... Do it for you Hun.