More Manipulation
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by spia 
And I still believe in marriage. But I have to learn to be happy and content despite what anyone else is doing in my life. I think I'm addicted to him. The way he is addicted to alcohol. ?
I never felt my wedding vows gave my A the right to lie to me, to ignore my needs and desires, to steal money out of our mutual savings and in general to do NOTHING to hold up his end of the bargain. I mean, HE took those vows too, not just me, right?
One person can't make a marriage all on his/her own.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
This. My XAH's family actually know about this severe drinking problem and supported me for years. Once I actually kicked him out they acted like I was the devil LOL. That's ok, I recognize it for what it is, just what ladyscribbler said, they are codependent so they take care of him now. Fine w/me.
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
My ex's family vouched for him as well. They had a vested interest in my return because they didn't want to have to take care of him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
This makes me feel like if I don't do it...then he will be disappointed.
"sources" that you don't care to discuss him........hummmm? We allow ourselves to be manipulated, no one can do it to us without our permission.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 113
Oh yes, exactly what hopeful said. My A's parents tried to convince me everything was great on her side and I should come home now. When I told them that wasn't what my plans were they no longer supported my decision. They were tired of babysitting and wanted me back in there.
I believe in marriage too but once I saw that I was carrying her half of the marriage as well, I put it down and gave her room to live her life and make her own mistakes. I hope you can find some peace and understanding here.
I believe in marriage too but once I saw that I was carrying her half of the marriage as well, I put it down and gave her room to live her life and make her own mistakes. I hope you can find some peace and understanding here.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
For myself, it was no longer a marriage. He had left the marriage mentally, just not physically. It took a while to realize that, but once I did I was able to just completely detatch and see things objectively.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Poway, CA
Posts: 1,636
Originally Posted by spia
I feel like I am being manipulated again. Here is how. I keep hearing from different sources (I hope you are back with AH by such and such date).
Some say Halloween. Some say Christmas.
I have heard he would like for us to be a family and work things out by Christmas.
This makes me feel like if I don't do it...then he will be disappointed. And this makes me feel manipulated.
It also makes me feel like I have a due date that I should be 'healed' by. I hate that feeling. I am not moving back in with AH if and when I start to feel that it is right for us.
IT IS NOT RIGHT!!!
Some say Halloween. Some say Christmas.
I have heard he would like for us to be a family and work things out by Christmas.
This makes me feel like if I don't do it...then he will be disappointed. And this makes me feel manipulated.
It also makes me feel like I have a due date that I should be 'healed' by. I hate that feeling. I am not moving back in with AH if and when I start to feel that it is right for us.
IT IS NOT RIGHT!!!
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