How many chances?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
Sorry but anyone who comes into my bedroom while I'm asleep and punches and hits me, gets a pistol in their face. Yeah, because I sleep with one, especially when my husband is not home!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by feelsohelpless
Now the question is how heartless should I be? Do I cease all contact once and for all or do I stay in contact with him as a friend. We have history, we still love each other, it's hard to imagine no contact whatsoever.
Contact can be possible if both parties are agreed, which isn't your case.
It might be wise to change the locks at your place in case the sister gets hold of his keys.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
We live in Australia Roz!
)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Haven't read all the replies yet but this was an interesting first thread to open since I haven't been on this forum in about a year. I'm here every year about this time.
My husband was 100% clean and sober for a little over a year when we got married. I knew his past AND spent much of my career working with addicts so I shouldn't be as naïve...it doesn't stop me in my own life though.
DH reminds me of a nursery rhyme:
When he was good he was very, very good
But when he was bad he was horrid
He decides to drink maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes it starts out with a beer here and there for a few weeks, sometimes it starts with him buying a little weed. Always it ends up with anger/blackouts/bed-wetting/my begging his forgiveness (???!!!nonsense but it's what I do cause somehow its my fault) that last for a couple of months.
Three years ago he almost lost his job because of it (it spirals that quickly in a short amount of time) and left me for several weeks. Lived with his parents. Wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't say if he was coming back or not.
Last year during his furies he "caught" me on here, read my posts and threw the computer at me...sooooo angry that I was talking about him behind his back. I haven't been on here since.
This time he sneaked away for a weekend binge, withdrew lots of money and then continued spending when he got home (this is the way it typically starts) When I moved the remaining $75 in our account to a safe place he became angry, told me he was leaving and wanted a divorce. I would've assumed it was another tantrum but he went so far this time as to take his son out of the school in our district (he's primary residential parent) and put him in the school in his mother's district to help with the transition. That was almost two weeks ago. One day he wants help and he schedules to see a counselor. Today he's in the garage with beer and cigarettes already (quit cigarettes 6 years ago too).
We have great times together and I love him. My real question, maybe, is do I love him more than I love me...and what does that mean?
No advice, I guess but that is a recap of my experience.
Hugs.
My husband was 100% clean and sober for a little over a year when we got married. I knew his past AND spent much of my career working with addicts so I shouldn't be as naïve...it doesn't stop me in my own life though.
DH reminds me of a nursery rhyme:
When he was good he was very, very good
But when he was bad he was horrid
He decides to drink maybe once or twice a year. Sometimes it starts out with a beer here and there for a few weeks, sometimes it starts with him buying a little weed. Always it ends up with anger/blackouts/bed-wetting/my begging his forgiveness (???!!!nonsense but it's what I do cause somehow its my fault) that last for a couple of months.
Three years ago he almost lost his job because of it (it spirals that quickly in a short amount of time) and left me for several weeks. Lived with his parents. Wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't say if he was coming back or not.
Last year during his furies he "caught" me on here, read my posts and threw the computer at me...sooooo angry that I was talking about him behind his back. I haven't been on here since.
This time he sneaked away for a weekend binge, withdrew lots of money and then continued spending when he got home (this is the way it typically starts) When I moved the remaining $75 in our account to a safe place he became angry, told me he was leaving and wanted a divorce. I would've assumed it was another tantrum but he went so far this time as to take his son out of the school in our district (he's primary residential parent) and put him in the school in his mother's district to help with the transition. That was almost two weeks ago. One day he wants help and he schedules to see a counselor. Today he's in the garage with beer and cigarettes already (quit cigarettes 6 years ago too).
We have great times together and I love him. My real question, maybe, is do I love him more than I love me...and what does that mean?
No advice, I guess but that is a recap of my experience.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
This sounds more like he is trying to quit long enough to prove to himself that he doesn't have a problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
When my ex husband (who was a great guy) left, our dog was very sad for about a month. He actually ran to the gate at the time my ex usually came home from work and whined, looking at me like, "where is he?" I felt really bad at the time, but dogs are resilient and he was fine after a while.
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