iwanthappiness

I haven't posted in a long time since the separation of my husband last December. I have been moving forward and have even started gently seeing someone which makes me so happy.

My ex did not handle this well and has gone missing since yesterday at 9am. He was planning on visiting his parents with our two daughters but did not show up to tske them to the airport. He was really looking forward to this trip. His cell phone goes directly to voice mail and no one has had contact with him. I am feeling guilty, alone and scared. How do I stop the worrying??? Thank you.

happybeingme

Has anyone filed a report? There isnt much you can do though I understand your concern. Has anyone checked to see if he is holed up at his place on a bender. There arre things you can do if you want to get involved. Even just call the local police department and ask them to do a well person check. Try not to worry. Hopefully it is nothing much

iwanthappiness

Yes, I haved filed a missing person report. When will the pain and chaos stop!

queenapple

You must be a wreck and I don't blame you. We still care, don't we, even when we wish we didn't. Praying that he's ok.

CodeJob

May his god be holding him in the palm of his hand.

hopeful4

Praying for all of you!

KidsR#1

praying things work out!

ResignedToWait

Look on the bright side...he's missing BEFORE he picked the kids up, and not after. That's a blessing in itself.

LadyinBC

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, please keep us updated.

iwanthappiness

Thank you for all your prayers. We are going on day 3. I am literally sick to my stomach. Not one word from him to anyone.
My poor girls.

Fandy

I hope he is OK and shows up soon...and that circumstances are beyond his control, have you checked any hospitals?
I am sorry you are sick, but of course you are worried.

on the flip side, this is an extremely selfish act and cruel behavior towards his children, if he pulled this. I would NOT let him have unsupervised visits in the future if he acts so erratically....you will be a nervous wreck while they are with him.

jarp

I'm so sorry...AH does similar things...but I also get suicide threats with it. Is literally makes you sick to the stomach. I hope he turns up. And then I'd be reconsidered my custody arrangements. Take care.

iamthird

Prayers for you and your family.

iwanthappiness

Thank you all. I am alone and without family here. So scary. Im worried about finances, kids future, etc.

Is this what alcoholics do when things get tough?? Should i start to begin planning a different future without relying on him to make house payments? My job alone does not cover this. Suggestions?

biminiblue

If it were me, I would definitely be planning my life without any help financially from an ex. Even non-drinking ones don't necessarily keep up their end of the financial bargain once a split occurs.

Your A is not going to have your interests at heart. Have you heard anything? Is this day four since he's gone missing?

FeelingGreat

I'm sorry for your anxiety, and I hope he turns up. He may have just overloaded on anxiety and gone on a bender. If this is the case, he doesn't sound like a reliable source of financial security.
It won't hurt to start thinking as if you were on your own i.e. think about what you can cut out of the budget and make yourself a war chest. Do as much research and planning for the future so it doesn't take you by surprise. You'll be glad you did and it will give you a feeling of confidence and control.

Yurt

When I made it clear to my STBXAH that I was not coming back, he started looking into mortgage relief as he is on Disability and would struggle with the bills by himself. While the government program was no help (he did not qualify), they called our mortgage company, and they have options for him that will help significantly.
Of course, this involved cooperation on both our parts, so provided the lines of communication open back up between you and your spouse, you will need to work together on this.

dandylion

iwanthappiness....can you call the police (local to him) and request that they go by and do a wellness check on him??

dandylion

iamthird

What is odd is that right now I am planning my life right now as if separated AH was dead. Sounds harsh but its true. I know he drinks and drives, very unhealthy. So I am trying to be self sufficient as possible to scale down. He currently works and gives child support but the reality is he may lose his job, land in jail or kill someone or himself (drinking and driving) with his behaviors. I am all too aware of what he has progressed into so I cannot be surprised. I try to save what he gives me financially if at all possible.

You have to try and be as self sufficient as possible. I have learned to depend on myself so I do not get sucked in. You can do it too. I was so dependent on him and weak. You can di whatever you set your mind to. Corny, but I believe that with my whole heart. Single mothers do it every day all the time. You can too. Reach out for any community resources if you need to. It is heartbreaking I know and I am crying typing this because what you are reporting on is my biggest fears and sadly may be my reality one day. Do not lose hope and I mean for yourself and your children. No matter what the outcome, you will be ok.

iwanthappiness

I am so glad i posted this. Only people that have dealt with the craziness of this disease understand.

The police have filed a national search but wont look into his transactions until Monday. Im beginning to lose hope and go from being sad to extremely mad. Once again, i need to pick up the pieces. This is a man who once had it all. A six figure income, great friends and family. Its so sad. We are in credit card debt because of the four expensive rehabs and have no savings. I will look into mortgage relief but doubt i will qualify. How do i get my life back on track? Why do i continue to worry about him?? Everytime our life becomes stable again, he blows it!! Who is going to want to get involved with me and thus mess! Im 42 and have wasted the past few years of my life with this man. Now, im getting mad.....