STBXAH Missing!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
So sorry for you and your family. After my ex passed away, I found our local hospice to be a great resource. They have a special grief counseling program for children who had suffered a loss, whether or not the person had been a hospice patient. It is offered at no cost to anyone in need.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I haven't been where you are. I can't put myself in your shoes. But I wanted to tell you a couple of things:
You said "if it is suicide maybe I could have done something to prevent it." Friend, you are just not that powerful. You have done what you needed to do to protect yourself and your kids from the destructive powers of addiction. That is a heroic feat in itself. You can't help a person who does not want help. It's heartbreaking. It's also true.
You said, "No one will love my kids the way he did." If that's true, it's a pretty strange way he has of showing love, don't you think? Your children, I promise you, your children will be OK. It may be a long road, it may be a hard road, but your children will be OK in the end because they have an amazing mother who wasn't afraid to make difficult decisions to make their life better.
I hope you can get some straight answers today. And I hope the therapist could help.
You said "if it is suicide maybe I could have done something to prevent it." Friend, you are just not that powerful. You have done what you needed to do to protect yourself and your kids from the destructive powers of addiction. That is a heroic feat in itself. You can't help a person who does not want help. It's heartbreaking. It's also true.
You said, "No one will love my kids the way he did." If that's true, it's a pretty strange way he has of showing love, don't you think? Your children, I promise you, your children will be OK. It may be a long road, it may be a hard road, but your children will be OK in the end because they have an amazing mother who wasn't afraid to make difficult decisions to make their life better.
I hope you can get some straight answers today. And I hope the therapist could help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 93
They found his body. I can't believe this. Not telling my girls until after my 13 yo birthday which is today. They will always wonder why their dad wasn't happy in life. How selfish! I go from being extremely sad to extremely mad. What could I have done different? Is it wrong of me to say no when he was begging me back. Did he really want me or just the family image? As if living with an alcoholic isn't hard enough, know I need to get the visual of him floating in a river for 3 days out of my head. How DG o I do that? How do I rid the guilt I'm feeling? This is so very tragic
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I am so so sorry for you and my heart breaks for you. This is not your fault and there isn't anything you could have done different to change this.
Keeping you and your children in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
Keeping you and your children in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Oh no, to say I am so very sorry for your loss seems totally inadequate. My heart goes out to you completely, you are going to have difficult times ahead and I wish you strength and courage in facing those days.
Use every available support, use SR, do what've you need to do to get through the coming days and weeks.
I'm so sorry that he chose this path.
My thoughts are with you.
Use every available support, use SR, do what've you need to do to get through the coming days and weeks.
I'm so sorry that he chose this path.
My thoughts are with you.
seeking acceptance
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 83
I am so very sorry for your pain and sadness. This situation is so similar to what happened with my dad more than 20 years ago. I was a bit older than your girls (17) and remember: feeling a mixture of sadness and relief, that I did not have to wonder where he was or when he would show up after using. I remember being confused when people said to me "you know this isn't your fault" because it had never crossed my mind that it was. He was an adult and made his decisions and choices and he didn't consult me. I remember my mom telling me and my sister (also one sibling sister a year apart) to stay together during the wake and funeral because we will always have each other and will have the memory together. While we thought it as a pain at the time, we are glad she did.
I wish you and your family peace during this difficult time.
I wish you and your family peace during this difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
So sad for your family. Sending support and encouragement.
Please don't tell your girls on the day of the party, or near it.
You don't want the two events linked together forever in their memory.
The news itself isn't going to change in a day, or a week. But the way it's delivered will guaranteed be forever etched into their minds. It's important to take your time and get good counsel how to wade through this.
Gentle hugs.
CLMI
Please don't tell your girls on the day of the party, or near it.
You don't want the two events linked together forever in their memory.
The news itself isn't going to change in a day, or a week. But the way it's delivered will guaranteed be forever etched into their minds. It's important to take your time and get good counsel how to wade through this.
Gentle hugs.
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 302
I don't have any good words of comfort because there really aren't any... but we are here for you and listening and sending up prayers and wishes for healing.
I will say that I lost my beloved grandfather on my 15th birthday - he collapsed the night before while brushing his teeth and was just gone. I learned about it birthday morning. Yeah, it sucked. At the same time, I might have been more upset if my parents had kept it from me, but then again, he didn't disappear a few days before - he just dropped dead. Tough call and good luck regardless of what you decided to do. I don't know that there are wrong answers here. You are strong for them, and stronger than you think.
Hugs to you and your family
I will say that I lost my beloved grandfather on my 15th birthday - he collapsed the night before while brushing his teeth and was just gone. I learned about it birthday morning. Yeah, it sucked. At the same time, I might have been more upset if my parents had kept it from me, but then again, he didn't disappear a few days before - he just dropped dead. Tough call and good luck regardless of what you decided to do. I don't know that there are wrong answers here. You are strong for them, and stronger than you think.
Hugs to you and your family
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