Butterfly

Thank you so much for you support yesterday I really felt I was having a breakdown I was so anxious and panicky I honestly didn't feel I could cope any longer. The fear, panic, sadness and anxiety consumed me and has for the last few days.

You are right the more contact I have the more these feelings consume me and take over my life. My codie behaviour has been in over drive lately trying to get him to see what he has lost and convince him that he wants to be home but is too scared to get help for his addiction. He keep giving me mixed messages he's in love with me he's not coming home then it's he doesn't know if he will ever come home. I lost it last night. I've had enough I told him it's not that he can't come home he doesn't want to as he doesn't want to get help and stop drinking. He was meant to leave money round yesterday while I was at work but he didn't and said he would leave it in today while I would be home I told him to just transfer it into my account as there is no need for him to be in my home. He has been here twice this week when I have come home from work and it has thrown me!!

So I am back to no contact and keeping my boundaries just hope I'm more successful this time than I have been previously!!

FeelingGreat

I agree with you that no contact is essential right now Butterfly. You went from getting stronger and happier right back to square one, and the main difference is that you've been talking to him again.
Does he feel free to come to the house while you're not there and ambush you when you get home? No wonder no contact is hard! Do you feel up to telling him to wait until he's invited now? It's not his house any more because he chose to leave. Now he wants to be able to come and go as it suits him, and that's not fair on you or the kids.
Do you think he was getting nervous that you were pulling away, and that's why he's started the 'love you, can't come home, scared,' etc etc? So he can reel you back in?
His mother's getting sick of him, you were detaching, it's gotta feel lonely. But he needs to feel that, because that's where he's heading.
All the best - don't let him sneak up on you again.

Butterfly

DD told him it was no longer his house and he wasn't welcome here anymore!! He wanted to call round to give me money. I told him to. Transfer it into my account as there was no reason for him to be here

I don't know why he has started all this again of course it doesn't help that I ask so many questions and I am allowing him to confuse me. He contacted me today told me he was taking his wedding ring off but didn't want to and although he didn't want a divorce and he couldn't believe he was saying this but maybe that is what needs to happen. And yes my anxiety went into over drive and I replied. I told him if this wasn't what he wants why is he allowing this to happen? He told me there are days when he wants to come home and days he wants to drink the place dry. I shouldn't have replied or engaged in conversation with him I immediately panicked!!! How do I stop myself from reacting to his messages!! So day 1 of no contact. Starts again tomorrow!!

Butterfly

I know that his mum is getting really fed up with him being at hers. She is retired and wants her home back and to not have the worry of him when he's out or up all night drinking. Think he's feeling very unwelcomed!!