iamthird

I used to say me separated AH was a good dad too Praying...and like you I was slapped in the face of the reality he was/is not currently as long as he is choosing to be an active A and not get treatment. He actually told me that I take away his time with DD6 and I finally just said "you could have had her 24/7 if you would have just gotten your act together!"...of course he acts like that was never an option.

Anyway, enjoy the house hunting. Make it your own. Decorate in some way that he never would have allowed. My separated AH hated fish and I love it...needless to say we eat a lot of fish now!! Lol!!!

SoaringSpirits

I knew when it was the right time (to ask ah to leave) but three years later, I still have moments of doubt. I guess it's just human nature. But leaving him, well, it was *definitely* the right thing to do.

Listen, you said it all in the above statement. Give yourself a break and move on. It sounds so much like the 'end days' of my marriage. I promise you it does get easier once you get out of the madness!

Blossom717

Thank you for that! I guess doubts are just human nature. I read this last night in the "Codependent No More" book I'm reading :

"Overacting may impair our mental functioning. Decisiveness is hindered by worrying about what other people think, telling ourselves we have to be perfect, and telling ourselves to hurry. We falsely believe we can't make the "Wrong" choice, we'll never have another chance, and the whole world waits and rises on this particular decision. We don't have to do these things to ourselves"


That helped me a lot. It was luck to come across this chapter last night. ABF was driving me crazy. I have a bad burn on my leg and when he drinks he likes to "playfully" squeeze me knee....he kept grabbing my burn. I finally got up and slept on the sofa and this morning he didn't even remember why I was sleeping there. Just another night!

Florence

Pray tell, WHAT IS A GRINDER PUMP? I could Google it, but you guys are so knowledgeable.

amy55

A "grinder pump" is a holding tank for waste that leaves your house. Once it gets to a certain level, the pump turns on, grinds it up, and pushes it out to the sewer system. Sewer systems are usually based on gravity, but when your house is below the sewer system you need to push the waste upwards.

If the grinder pump is broke, it cannot push the waste up, the tank then fills up, and backs up into your basement.

Blossom717

Okay so I looked at the house today! It's in way better condition than I thought it would be. Most issues are cosmetic. It's been for sale for just over a year, not since 2008 like I thought (that's when it was last sold) it looks like a contractor owned it last and ran out of money before the remodel was done.

It got me really excited. I'm going to call a lender on Monday. My credit isn't great (I'm 25 and still building it) but the real estate agent said Can probably get a rural development loan.

I hope this will keep me looking forward, and building my own life withy daughter instead of worrying about making everyone else happy.

suki44883

I hope it all works out for you, Blossom. You and your daughter deserve it.

ladyscribbler

Hugs Blossom. That's great news about the house! One of my Alanannies would call this a "god shot." She's 90 and does a cool basketball shot motion to go along with it. Never fails to crack me up. Hope all goes well with your loan app. Rooting for you!

Blossom717

okay so I just tried to attach a picture of the house...lets see if it works!
It needs paint, the porch needs some work.

Its a "3" bedroom...the third is tiny with cute built in shelves so I could use it for homework/work and for dd to study when she starts school. Theres a dining room and living room....I think I'm going to use the dining room as a meditation room for now. I think that would be beneficial for my changes that will happen.


I really hope that the lender can work something out with me! Wish me luck! I'm so nervous. I've been told for the past 4 years that if I leave I'll be homeless. I've been made to feel helpless and I'm ready to break that!

suki44883

That lovely little house holds SO many possibilities! I can just see little flower bushes growing along side and a porch swing to enjoy in the evenings. Pretty curtains hanging in the windows and nice landscaping. You can make it into your own little sanctuary where peace and serenity reign. Prayers and good thoughts going out that you can get it and then the fun will begin.

Blossom717

Thank you! It's got tons of charm on the inside, the hardwood floors are gorgeous. A swing on the porch is definitely a must!

amy55

I actually love this house, would like to see some inside photo's also. The exterior needs some painting, hope your are not afraid of height, but I think that this is something you can do yourself. Love the shutters on the outside. I think if it goes through inspection and most things are ok, that you can do this.

I'm excited for you.

hopeful4

Love it. Check for heating, air, electrical, and, and age of roof. If those are not updated they can be huge expenses and cause you trouble finding insurance, orcause it to be very expensive. Good luck, itscute!

Blossom717

I'll post some exterior pictures today! It has relatively new central air, and the roof is tin. It looks like there was a leak but it was repaired. The night before we went to look at it there was heavy rain but everything was dry so that's good!

The outside def needs some paint! If I get it I will put in a lot of work...since it'll be my own and working on it will keep me distracted

jarp

Oh wow it is super cute...I love it!!! Plus it's got heaps of potential too, and you could have so much fun planning and carrying out the things that you'd like to do to it. Best of luck!

PS I live reading your posts...you're years younger than me but SO much wiser...you're an inspiration!

theuncertainty

It's beautiful! It reminds me of the house my grandparents had when I was little, so there's a definite nostalgia factor for me. Best wishes!!

Blossom717

Aw thank you! I don't feel very wise most of the time! lol. I'm terrified is more like it! I needed to hear that though! I often feel like I'm making a mistake one way or another since I know there will be someone un happy....but I'm gonna start making sure that person unhappy isn't me!

Blossom717

BTW - Here are some interior pictures, sorry they aren't too great!

hopeful4

O WOW....I LOVE IT!!!!! How pretty!!!! Is that your little by the tub?? That is sooo cute, her peeking in there!

FireSprite

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!! Fingers crossed for you Blossom!!