kalalanon

But for now?! UP!
So I finally told my alcoholic partner I do not want to be in a relationship with him anymore, I told him I'll be moving out and after speaking with a lawyer this morning explained how it really would be better if he buys me out of the house as opposing to selling it. But yeah that last bit isn't my decision, whatever happens with the house I don't want to live here anymore and will protect myself.
He didn't try to change my mind, got a bit quiet then announced he was going to have a shower and is now in bed. I went in to get pyjamas and he was hiding under the covers (either crying or pretending to)
It's evil but I'm SO happy! I want to celebrate! I know I've done the right thing for my mental health, I've made a step to protect my children and am feeling so light and airy fairy!
Now I know it'll probably get ugly from here on out but just for tonight I'm feeling good!
Thank you SR members for everything and especially just for being here. So much nicer to talk to people as opposed to a blog no one reads

Blossom717

YAYYY! Go you for being strong! I hope it doesn't get too bad, but if it does, just remember that it will get worse before it gets better, but it does get better!!

Where do you plan on moving to?

kalalanon

I have found 2 reasonably priced rentals still within my son's school zone but at the other end of our suburb (what's really weird though is they're both close-ish to pubs!) The housing market is so poor here I don't think I'll have any trouble being approved.
I'm wandering around the house and realised just how much of this furniture I bought into the relationship, I'm only going to need to buy a fridge!
So we'll still have to discuss custody of our daughter which might get icky and my poor son will have to go back to being fatherless (his Dad as good as he is lives on the other side of Australia) as I know STBXABF (that's a mouthful!) Will drop all responsibility just to be spiteful. If he doesn't and still agrees to see him sometimes then that will be lovely.
I'm expecting to be posting on here in future about horrible incidences, hurtful words and spiteful terms but oh lordy! Right now I'm going to snuggle up on the couch with the kids and read some books.
Bliss!

Hawkeye13

Be sure to have your family with you when you actually move.

That can a very "dangerous" time when the A sees it's for real and he can't stop it.

I'm assuming you are making this happen as quickly as possible, right?

You and kids shouldn't be around his fallout. And chances are there will be some negative reactions happening.

Congrats on taking action

Blossom717

That's great!

Good luck! I'm making my plans to leave, I'm so nervous. Nervous that its the right decision, that I'm breaking up my daughter's family, that he will try and take her from me (But I have enough evidence I think to keep that from happening) and terrified that I somehow won't make it. and for some reason I'm worried about hurting other people's feelings with my decision, even though my feelings are hurt daily.

I guess I won't know until I try.

kalalanon

"I'm assuming you are making this happen as quickly as possible"

Yeah hopefully within a week Hawkeye! My Mum and my brother live here so I'll have them handy for sure. I haven't told my Mum yet, she's a meddler. I'd rather wait til I've signed a tenancy agreement before I tell her.
Blossom, this isn't the first time I've attempted this, a couple years ago I would've loved to leave but felt trapped and had felt that way up until I found this forum, read Al Anon literature and starting actually speaking to people. I suffered miserably all by myself but now I see that if others can do it so can I! And so can you, I was told I would know when I'm really ready and I'll know it's right. It feels so right!
Just realised I'm going to have to get a dining suite too, yay! Now I can get a vintage kitsch one that I've always wanted!

kalalanon

OoOOoo the toddler went to see if Daddy was asleep and comes back to tell me that," Daddy is sad. He's sad you don't love him anymore"
Are you freaking kidding me? Not once have I told the kids how upset I am because of his behaviour! I've never told them I'm mopping the floor again because he pissed himself in the dining room, I've never told them how sad I am that Daddy has chosen beer over spending time with us or the reason he fell off a balcony with her in his arms it was because he was drunk and I let him hold her because we were at the neighbours dinner party and I didn't want to make a scene.
I didn't respond to her, I already made a promise to myself to leave the kids out of it. Sure I'll tell them we're moving because I don't want to live with him. If he keeps it up they'll see for themselves.
Not even mad, I pity him for using a small child to pour his heart out on. It's not even true anyway. I do love him just love myself and these rugrats more!

hopeful4

Good for you. It's an amazing feeling when it just clicks. It did that for me too, and when I knew, I truly knew there was no turning back.

Be ready for manipulation. Big time manipulation. I learned the hard way, don't engage in anything other than what you absolutely have to, and if possible do that by text or attorney. I had to refer back to my texts over and over b/c we would agree on one thing and then he would say he never agreed. I would have to show him his own texts.

Finally he realized I would not engage and while he has not 100% stopped, it has gotten 99% better. I bit my tongue a lot of times, but am smart enough to realize that engaging would only make it worse. I do not bad mouth him to my kids, but they see enough that they have realized it all on their own.

It's good when you don't doubt your decisions b/c in my mind the most awful thing a person can do to their kids is go back and forth.

Hugs. Take care of you and your littles!