Question
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
I posted this in the SA forum but I wanted to share with y'all my progress from yesterday...
So most of you know that in order to get clean from a 20 year pain pill addiction I took drastic measures. I gave up my car keys, any access to money, and my freedom to leave the house without my husband or mom. For three weeks this has kept me safe...and clean. Yesterday the day came I had to go out with my 19 and 16 yr old sons. My youngest had a toothache and needed to see the dentist. I knew He would get a script for pain meds. We had safeguards in place for me not to touch the rx and it went in a safe as soon as we got home. I handled it all surprisingly well. After it was all over I spent the evening feeling a calm serenity and spiritual wellness I have never expierenced. I smiled all night long. Enter....addictive voice. It doesn't shock me anymore....the levels of deception it is capable of. Out of nowhere and very quickly my addictive voice just hatched a brilliant plan to get some pills. It had a few holes but my AV was sure we could work these out. See I need to go to the doctor for a cyst that needs to be removed. So my AV says great chance to score. "I won't be alone" I tell my AV. Well we can work around that, it says. Later when you are alone you will call and ask for the rx. (Our insurance provides generic meds for free and my AV knows) " I won't go alone to the store" I tell my AV. Well we can work around that it says. You will say you need to use the restroom but instead sneak to the pharmacy and get your rx. It is fail proof. Except for one thing. One thing my addictive voice isn't counting on. ME. Cause you see I really liked smiling all night long. I liked the way it feels to have my family see my smile and smile back at me. There is a lot of things I like right now. And none of them include secret plans to score pills, deceiving my family or myself. So here is what I have to say to you addictive voice. You stole my smile for 20 years. I got down in the nitty gritty, the dirty place you took me to,and I dug around until I found it. I fought some demons for it. And I'm not giving it back to you again. You didn't count on me addictive voice but here I am. Fierce and strong I am a warrior and I am ready to fight you.
Today Is my three week birthday. It's my party and I'll smile if I want to.
So most of you know that in order to get clean from a 20 year pain pill addiction I took drastic measures. I gave up my car keys, any access to money, and my freedom to leave the house without my husband or mom. For three weeks this has kept me safe...and clean. Yesterday the day came I had to go out with my 19 and 16 yr old sons. My youngest had a toothache and needed to see the dentist. I knew He would get a script for pain meds. We had safeguards in place for me not to touch the rx and it went in a safe as soon as we got home. I handled it all surprisingly well. After it was all over I spent the evening feeling a calm serenity and spiritual wellness I have never expierenced. I smiled all night long. Enter....addictive voice. It doesn't shock me anymore....the levels of deception it is capable of. Out of nowhere and very quickly my addictive voice just hatched a brilliant plan to get some pills. It had a few holes but my AV was sure we could work these out. See I need to go to the doctor for a cyst that needs to be removed. So my AV says great chance to score. "I won't be alone" I tell my AV. Well we can work around that, it says. Later when you are alone you will call and ask for the rx. (Our insurance provides generic meds for free and my AV knows) " I won't go alone to the store" I tell my AV. Well we can work around that it says. You will say you need to use the restroom but instead sneak to the pharmacy and get your rx. It is fail proof. Except for one thing. One thing my addictive voice isn't counting on. ME. Cause you see I really liked smiling all night long. I liked the way it feels to have my family see my smile and smile back at me. There is a lot of things I like right now. And none of them include secret plans to score pills, deceiving my family or myself. So here is what I have to say to you addictive voice. You stole my smile for 20 years. I got down in the nitty gritty, the dirty place you took me to,and I dug around until I found it. I fought some demons for it. And I'm not giving it back to you again. You didn't count on me addictive voice but here I am. Fierce and strong I am a warrior and I am ready to fight you.
Today Is my three week birthday. It's my party and I'll smile if I want to.
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