He's drinking again....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 34
He's drinking again....
Hi all,
It's been a while. Let me make a long story short. My ex-fiancé was sober for almost 3 years. His life improved, he was happier, more confident. Within those 3 years, I started to reevaluate the rest of the relationship outside of the hurt and repairs from the alcohol. I realized, I wasn't happy and my needs were not being fulfilled on any level, really. He is a great guy - sweet and simple. But I think I was so caught up in the drama of the drinking and the sobriety and the rebuilding, that I forgot to think about my own happiness level.
I broke off our engagement and relationship about 2 months ago - it was so hard. I love him but it wasn't right for me. We have had limited contact (only to coordinate me moving my stuff out). We spoke the other day for the first time and he told me he started drinking again. Well.....to be very honest, I asked him. He didn't go into the details but did say he was drinking socially again.
Here's the thing. I feel a sadness that I would feel watching anyone invite the poison back in, but I don't feel any urge to know more or reach out. I don't feel much at all... I think always knew that he stopped drinking just to keep me in his life. And I am glad I was not in a relationship with him when he picked up a drink again. But why am I not feeling? It used to impact me so tremendously before.
Is this a good thing or am I being cold?
It's been a while. Let me make a long story short. My ex-fiancé was sober for almost 3 years. His life improved, he was happier, more confident. Within those 3 years, I started to reevaluate the rest of the relationship outside of the hurt and repairs from the alcohol. I realized, I wasn't happy and my needs were not being fulfilled on any level, really. He is a great guy - sweet and simple. But I think I was so caught up in the drama of the drinking and the sobriety and the rebuilding, that I forgot to think about my own happiness level.
I broke off our engagement and relationship about 2 months ago - it was so hard. I love him but it wasn't right for me. We have had limited contact (only to coordinate me moving my stuff out). We spoke the other day for the first time and he told me he started drinking again. Well.....to be very honest, I asked him. He didn't go into the details but did say he was drinking socially again.
Here's the thing. I feel a sadness that I would feel watching anyone invite the poison back in, but I don't feel any urge to know more or reach out. I don't feel much at all... I think always knew that he stopped drinking just to keep me in his life. And I am glad I was not in a relationship with him when he picked up a drink again. But why am I not feeling? It used to impact me so tremendously before.
Is this a good thing or am I being cold?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I think it's a good thing. I think it means you have released him to make his own choices. I think it means you've successfully detached. (Honestly, you can separate/divorce and still not be detached emotionally -- you seem to have managed both. And that's a good thing.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
You're not cold. Sounds like you've realized this is not where your happiness will be found, and you've moved on. You ARE feeling, you mentioned feeling a sadness about it. That's a much healthier emotion than jumping on the co-dependent merry go round of emotions. I think that's a good thing.
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