SparkleKitty

Ariel, I want to very gently suggest that you have allowed the total sum of your self-worth to hinge on whether he invites you outside for a cigarette. These questions of why aren't you enough for him, what if no one wants me if I leave...they speak not to his drinking, but to your opinion of yourself.

Instead of asking why you aren't enough for him, ask yourself why you aren't enough for you. It's not because you're not "skinny" or older than you used to be or have two kids. People fall in love with other people everyday. Most of us don't look like Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt, and no one's past is perfect. The difference is that the people who are entering into healthy relationships already had a healthy relationship with themselves.

I was a broken person drifting from one bad relationship to another for a long time. Broken people attract broken people. No one saves anyone else. We only save ourselves and it begins by believing we deserve better. My life and my relationships did not improve until I stepped off the merry-go-round and became my own best friend.

I wish you strength and courage to look deeper, not into your relationship with your husband, but into your relationship with yourself. I am a total stranger and I believe you deserve better than what you are settling for. Good luck to you.

redatlanta

I see women often make the choice of staying with someone because they think they can't get anyone else. Who wants a 36 year old with 2 kids?

Well let me tell you - there are quality men out there that want a partner that is intelligent, ambitious, smart, funny, and lots of other things. Part of why you don't feel attractive is because you have a BF that is an anchor dragging you down.

Aside from that, when you feel good about yourself then its ok to be alone. You might be surprised to find that you may just want to date and be courted. You may never wish to marry again because you are fulfilled. Or you may but don't worry about the future, don't think about another relationship you aren't out of this one yet.

You will be fine, you will be better without him than you are with him and that's part of our recovery is to find value in ourselves.

Ariel1030

You are right, I think it's best I take stock in WHY I'm staying. If any of you have been in the cycle of abuse perhaps you know why. Because it's cyclical, and awful sometimes, and great sometimes. There's a honeymoon period, then a period of building and tension, the inevitable explosion, the I'm sorries, the honeymoon, and back again. But as to why I'm staying, there is a child that's his and I've held on too long to the hope that it will work out.

I suppose it's time that I throw in the towel. And now the real fun has begun. He can tell I'm detaching and has already become awful. I guess it's going to get worse before it gets better.