Sick and tired...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome.
I am more alarmed than anything else that your wife seems willing to drive your/her children around while she has been drinking. I stayed with my alcoholic husband literally for years because of feeling held hostage that he would do just that.
I would have a very serious conversation with her about if she even wants recovery. If she does not, I would say it's a lost cause as they have to want it and be willing to work towards it, always. If not, get it locked into your divorce very tightly that she has to blow on a regular basis when she has your children. I believe it is called Soberlink...I may be incorrect on that, someone will come along and say so if that's not it. Negotiate to get her to agree to it as it is hard to get a judge to rule on that.
Lastly, yes, when you drink with her, you are literally feeding the beast. Alcoholics cannot moderate nor can they have the temptation of having a spouse who is willing to share a few drinks together. It's not in the cards.
I hope you keep posting so you do have support for you. I would agree with the above post, there is substance abuse in the medical community. If not as much possibly more than your average amount. I am betting if you share with a few close trusted friends you would find that out. Don't hide in shame, you need a face to face support system, even if that is just a friend or two who is willing to listen and support you.
Good Luck to you!!!
I am more alarmed than anything else that your wife seems willing to drive your/her children around while she has been drinking. I stayed with my alcoholic husband literally for years because of feeling held hostage that he would do just that.
I would have a very serious conversation with her about if she even wants recovery. If she does not, I would say it's a lost cause as they have to want it and be willing to work towards it, always. If not, get it locked into your divorce very tightly that she has to blow on a regular basis when she has your children. I believe it is called Soberlink...I may be incorrect on that, someone will come along and say so if that's not it. Negotiate to get her to agree to it as it is hard to get a judge to rule on that.
Lastly, yes, when you drink with her, you are literally feeding the beast. Alcoholics cannot moderate nor can they have the temptation of having a spouse who is willing to share a few drinks together. It's not in the cards.
I hope you keep posting so you do have support for you. I would agree with the above post, there is substance abuse in the medical community. If not as much possibly more than your average amount. I am betting if you share with a few close trusted friends you would find that out. Don't hide in shame, you need a face to face support system, even if that is just a friend or two who is willing to listen and support you.
Good Luck to you!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Peoria, IL
Posts: 32
I am from a medium-sized city and understand the need for privacy. Your wife needs obviously needs to address why she drinks, that will only come when she hits rock bottom or wants to quit. If she's driving drunk illegally with kids in the car that is child endangerment and in my state comes with dire consequences.
Try rehab, try leaving, it's up to her in the end. If she knows you, she knows by now what you will and will not put up with. As a woman, I cannot imagine living without my children. I believe that if you give her your limitations and she doesn't abide by them, then take the kids and leave or better, change the locks. Don't let her come back until she's been to rehab, then address new expectations.
You sound like you follow through, and don't have time to waste time. Tough love works. It will be difficult, but as someone wrote to me yesterday: If this is as good as it gets (and it is), is this what you want for the rest of your life? And I will add, for your children?
Try rehab, try leaving, it's up to her in the end. If she knows you, she knows by now what you will and will not put up with. As a woman, I cannot imagine living without my children. I believe that if you give her your limitations and she doesn't abide by them, then take the kids and leave or better, change the locks. Don't let her come back until she's been to rehab, then address new expectations.
You sound like you follow through, and don't have time to waste time. Tough love works. It will be difficult, but as someone wrote to me yesterday: If this is as good as it gets (and it is), is this what you want for the rest of your life? And I will add, for your children?
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