Wahine

So things had seemed a little better for a while. I was detaching and doing my own thing with the kids. AH's newest strategy is waiting till everyone is in bed then sitting up till 1 am drinking. He says since he isn't drinking in front of me and the kids it shouldn't be a problem. Then a couple of things happened. One, I discovered some financial info AH was hiding. About sent me through the roof. Two, AH started being super nice to the kids. Unnerving. And three, intense gas lighting. At first I didn't realize what was happening. The whole, I told you this and that when he hadn't spoke to me in two days. Then little things around the house being mysteriously broke. Now something of mine is suddenly broke. Very expensive. The one material thing that means a lot to me. I have cried for two days. I'm just beside myself stressed and depressed. I haven't seen the T in three weeks. Although, last time I saw her she pretty much told me if I wanted to get better I needed to get the kids and me out of the marriage.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

Mango blast

I'm so glad you posted here. Vent away! I understand how hard those things are, especially with the gaslighting involved. Is there an Alanon, open AA or a Celebrate Recovery meeting that you could go to soon? In person support is so good in the step of caring for yourself. ((((hugs))))

It's okay to call 911 or the sheriff's office over things like this. Really. When you can't deal with him, calling for help is a healthy response and okay to do. It's also okay to call an abuse center for someone to talk to who can help guide you through this. Emotional abuse like this is just as harmful as physical abuse and since it goes unseen it's often ignored by us and others. Abuse centers really can help with this.

Things started to change for me with working my own recovery. Things really changed when I was finally able to call for help for myself. Turning this over to others was what I really needed to do. I'm his wife, not his keeper, caretaker, doctor or counselor.

Is he breaking these things on purpose or by falling on them? Either way, it's really good that you're reaching out for help. SR is a wonderful start.

Mango blast

btw -- baby steps and one day at a time. It took me 9 years to get from inquiring here to finally calling for help. We're all on our own time frames with this.

Wahine

I cannot imagine calling the police. I have no way to prove he broke things. No one ever sees him do these things. It's petty stuff. I'm having new tile installed. He doesn't like it. After the first day of install four tiles mysteriously broke over night. Then he went out of town and the rest of the week none broke. If I every leave clothes in the wash they end of with the bleach spots. I never use bleach. I get tired of buying new stuff. I'm going to alanon . I don't like it so much but it's the only meeting near me. I'm just burnt out. He doesn't help around the house and I have health issues. I gave up and turned myself over to my higher power long ago.

Wahine

Sorry, thank you for your reply. I just need to hear there's hope.

redatlanta

Sorry you are going through this. I see that in one of your posts you mentioned paying a retainer fee to an attorney - have you moved forward with the divorce?

I'm glad he is being nice to the kids. Sorry for what he is doing - this is just no way to live.

chicory

Wahine,
how distressing this must be. Its hard when you did not see him do it, but you can put two and two together. Weird behavior. sounds like he needs some time alone..so he cannot hurt anyone else with his resentful drinking moods.

When your health is being affected, its your body saying 'enough'. you need to be here for the kids, for your life (because your life is important) and this sort of thing will wear you down, which it obviously is already.

I send you encouragement, to do what your heart and head knows you must, what ever that is. you are supported here.

dealing with crazy will make you crazy. when you are ready you will know. just be sure to listen to yourself.. big hugs.
chicory

Wahine

Thanks for your responses.

Hammer

You follow you are not just talking Alcohol issues, there?

A couple of those . . . the persona shifts to the kids, and "gaslighting" . . . strange term to select . . . unless you know and understand what it is.

This sounds a little ummm nutty what you are dealing with. You are familiar with some of the Personality Disorder type stuff that sometimes tracks along with A-land?