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finally left

Old 04-13-2014, 09:32 PM
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finally left

After 26 years of marriage, 4 dui's, and three kids i left. I have skulked around this website for years reading, studying and learning. I tried to wait till all of my kids were fully grown but only got 2 grown. One left who is 17. My ah is a hard worker, is generous and a good father. I stayed because there is so much good in him that it seemed to out weigh the negatives of his drinking. But as we have aged , the alcoholism has progressed and my tolerence for it has faded.

So then, aftwr i left he has gone insane!! Crying , literally to everyone who will listen. Still hasnt stopped drinking but promises he will if i come back. He spends all day vomiting, crying, whining and browbeating me and the kids. A side of him has been exposed that i never knew about. Narcissism that i didnt even realize he had. A rage i never expected. Threatening suicide. Screaming obscenities . I am struggling to make ends meet and make sure this divorce happens!!
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Old 04-14-2014, 04:45 AM
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take care of yourself amanda
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Old 04-14-2014, 05:52 AM
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Your husband obviously ins't going to get better by himself. Do what you have to for you and your family,and your husband will have to make his own choice about how he wants to live his life. I have been on both sides of the fence, and I can assure you you can only take care of your self. I'm sending some postive energy, and I hope things work out as they should.

Peace
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:17 AM
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when my XAH behaved this way, it was his addiction throwing a huge tantrum.

i soothed the tantrum, time and time again.

tantrum went away, went back to sleep.....and grew.
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:02 AM
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Wishing you peace and happiness! It may seem insulting but this too shall pass. I'm in the planning stages of leaving and pray for all who are in our situation.
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:10 AM
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Sending you hugs.
The most important lesson I have learned from this experience is to take care and focus on me.
It was hard and still is from time to time since I have a lot of codependent traits but it can be done and I feel so much better.
And you too will get there one day at a time.
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:11 AM
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I hope his reaction eventually leads to recovery. The bit about him stopping if you come back doesn't sound promising.
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Old 04-14-2014, 08:14 AM
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Boy, I've heard all that in my past relationship.

He didn't kill himself - not yet. That was 20 years ago. He didn't get well. I'm glad I didn't stay on that ride.
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Old 04-14-2014, 03:05 PM
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Thanks everyone! I am already feeling better and getting stronger. No regrets!! I worry about the future and feel sad for all the things that could have been. But i am now ready to put me first
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Old 04-14-2014, 04:57 PM
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Good for you!!!

It's hard to grieve a dream. I've had people react with shock to this comparison but I said in an Al-Anon meeting that for me, grieving the dream of the marriage I could have had with AXH was a bit like grieving the babies I lost to miscarriages. It's difficult for other people to quite understand -- it seems so simple to them -- but we had all those dreams and hopes and that is what we're grieving.

It's sad. But like that line in my signature says -- sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. And then we just have to do it and deal with the pain.

Lots of hugs. And keep posting! There is so much support and wisdom here!
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Old 04-14-2014, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by amandasue View Post
After 26 years of marriage, 4 dui's, and three kids i left. I have skulked around this website for years reading, studying and learning. I tried to wait till all of my kids were fully grown but only got 2 grown. One left who is 17. My ah is a hard worker, is generous and a good father. I stayed because there is so much good in him that it seemed to out weigh the negatives of his drinking. But as we have aged , the alcoholism has progressed and my tolerence for it has faded.

So then, aftwr i left he has gone insane!! Crying , literally to everyone who will listen. Still hasnt stopped drinking but promises he will if i come back. He spends all day vomiting, crying, whining and browbeating me and the kids. A side of him has been exposed that i never knew about. Narcissism that i didnt even realize he had. A rage i never expected. Threatening suicide. Screaming obscenities . I am struggling to make ends meet and make sure this divorce happens!!
Hi, and welcome to SR.

I can see from your join date, and your length of marriage that you have been going thru h3ll for a really long time. I also was married over 27 years. You have found a very good place to vent, scream (if you want). We'll listen. I never felt like I was listened to when I was married. Him doing what he is doing now is a temper tantrum, he isn't getting what he wants. (and he shouldn't). This is now finally about you. You are now taking care of you, and your need to shut his voice off in your head.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
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