ladyscribbler

I know you're concerned about the crying, and I know how heartbreaking it is to see and hear and not be able to do anything about it. But the counselor from the hospice who meets with my son (he lost his dad to cancer last summer) actually told me that the crying is a necessary stress release for kids. It might be the only way they can get to sleep for awhile. I told her I was really concerned because he was crying himself to sleep at night. She said that's actually totally normal and healthy and not to worry because it would pass. It has. He still cries sometimes, of course, but it has tapered way off.
I second all the great suggestions of the others. Rearranging your living space is a really cool idea. Maybe even get a head start on your spring cleaning- I know cleaning is therapeutic for me! Sending you and your girls hugs and strength. Take care.

dandylion

an adendum to the mother chick image----one of the most comforting memories of "bedtime in the chicken house".

Just at dusk--same time each night--the chickens go to roost. The all gather on a pole--huddled very carefully with each other and settle down into their feathers to go to sleep.
During this time, they make a series of soft cooing sounds. Soft and soothing. Such a secure and warm sound. Similar to watching a cat take a bath--it could put you to sleep.
It would be good to make a recording of these sounds for those who have trouble with insomnia........LOL
I think familiar bedtime routines could play the same role with young children. I know it did for me when I was very small with my grandmother.....like all is well with the world..at least for the night.....

dandylion

readerbaby71

I'm glad you're all okay. You will get through it. The kids are going to grieve, and so are you. No matter what they know you love them. and we love you. xoxoxo

Chelsea1029

Can I ask - how old are your kids? I didn't know if I would be able to stay strong when my kids were sobbing after he left. It ripped my heart out. I felt like I was sacrificing their mental health for mine. It gets better! So much better. I'm at 7 weeks, there's no more crying, and really even no asking for him to come back. I think they realize how much calmer it is, how less stressed I am.
I know it's so hard but you will get through it. Please know you are absolutely doing what's best for them, they just don't know that. Stay busy, have fun with them, distract, and then hold them tight when they need it.

dandylion

I really think that Ladyscribbler makes an excellent point! Crying is natural an healthy for children. Don't tell them not to cry. Address their feelings--and they stop crying on their own....

I think it is so important not to tell our boys not to cry. So many people do that---and then we complain when they are adults that they dont "express their feelings"!!!!!!!!

I also hate it when men tell me not to cry!! Lots of men fall apart when they see a woman cry. Telling someone not to cry is like telling them to stuff their feelings.

Actually, I love my ability to cry--it serves me well. (I try to do it in appropriate places
to the best of my ability).

dandylion

Ofelie

Ha if you want a recording of the chickens going to roost I will send my girls to the chicken house with their phone when they go to close the door for the night and have them get one for you. Another image that sticks with me is of the mama hen protecting her babies from cats, predators, etc. She holds out her wings, fluffs herself up as big as she can while they run under her where its safe and she will peck the bejeezus out of whatever is threatening her babies when they are so fragile. (I think this goes along with whoever posted on here that they perfected their "don't **** with me" face.) I have no idea why I didn't act like this about my kids when my ex was making my kids afraid in their own house.

Seren

I'm so sorry you and your children are going through this. I can only begin to imagine...

You've been getting some great advice, and I hope that you and your children will very soon have brighter days!

hopeful4

I love you guys so much, Thank You so much for the great advise! Last night was quite a bit better. I am trying to be cautiously optomistic b/c I know it will be ups and downs. My little one who is 8 would not go to dance, so I did not force her. We went and ran a couple of errands while older daughter who is 14 was at cheer. It was fun. We were all then really silly on the way home. Went inside, no tears this time. At bed time here comes both kids and the dog, so my bed has become alot more crowded, which is fine with me!

I know it will be good days and bad. I also know I feel myself becoming stronger, less full of panic. I have a huge support system which includes you wonderful people, and that helps so much. My mom is the best mom ever and has helped me so much.

Thank you all so much for standing with me during this tough time. I appreciate you all more than words can say.

God Bless!

ps....No one is going to peck with me or my chicken!

lizatola

HUGS! Just lots of hugs today. I think it's wonderful that your girls have each other, too. My son is an only child and we've often had conversations about counseling and how I will always support him if he needed to talk to someone outside the family so it doesn't look like he's taking sides between AH and I. I sometimes wish he had a sibling, though.

You're doing awesome! So glad you have your mom to help you, too!

Katchie

Your daughters are going to be just fine because they have you; you're going to be just fine because you have you! I have learned so much from you hopeful..you're doing great and will continue doing great things for yourself and your children. Blessings and hugs to you strong lady!

lillamy

My daughter's counselor says crying is a great stress release -- period. She told me to think of a toddler who gets frustrated or angry, how they cry with abandon, with no limits, with no concern of what people may think. And they may cry hysterically for 20 minutes and then brush themselves on and go back to playing.

Her take on it is that if we as adults would allow us to let our emotions out in that way, we would have less anxiety and stomach aches... So while it's heartbreaking to hear, I think lady scribbler is absolutely right -- they're doing what they need to do right now, and it's healthy.

hopeful4

I got this message from DD who is 8's teacher when I inquired about her day yesterday:

She had a GREAT day!! I have her right by me, and I made sure she was occupied either with school work or me No worries, my friend! I've got her

What a blessing to have such a wonderful woman in my life teaching my little girl from day to day. She is a wonderful person and it puts my mind at ease and I know it does for my daughter too. Some teachers really do deserve a halo!